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Grand Theft Auto: A Pick Your Path Adventure

Evan Hoovler | 2 Aug 2011 09:00
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Where do you go when you die? For your entire existence, the answer to this eternal question has been, "1525 Jade Street."

You bolt awake in a bed in the Albany Medical Center, nostrils filled with the stench of bedpan and sulfur. Smells like these were why you left the Old Country in the first place. You wonder what it is about death that fills your nose with rotten eggs. Perhaps it is not even death, you muse, but being brought back to life, which smells like the back end of a stripper's booty shorts.

Your daydreams are cut short by a stern voice to your left. "Now that you're awake, I can get your name." Rolling to your side, you see a man in a dark blue uniform. This is your cue to check out.

Tossing your bedpan in the cop's face, you rip out your I.V. and wrap it around his neck. As the color drains out of his cheeks, you notice your own sloppy attire: a flimsy hospital gown and paper shoes. That won't do, so as soon as the cop's eyes droop shut, you begin the arduous task of donning his clothes.

Leaving the uniform vest and badge on the corpse, you step out of the hospital. Throughout this entire ordeal, there has only been one thought nagging you: "I've never driven a Porsche." Panting, you scan the street with bleary eyes, but all you spy is one lone ambulance. Just then, your phone rings.

- Answer the phone

- Steal the ambulance

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