Hey Gamer Gals! Are you looking for the perfect Gamer Guy to spend a romantic Valentine's Day with? Of course you are! Gamer Guys are amongst the finest specimens the human race has to offer, but competition is fierce! Ladies all over the globe are vying for the attention of these fine hunks (what else did you think cosplay was about?) and you'll have to be at the top of your game if you want to walk away with a manly prize.

Step 7: Spend too much money on ThinkGeek. Garish retro gaming shirts and jewelry never go out of style!

To help you master the art of wooing the average Gamer Guy, we've assembled a list of Top Tips to help you score one of these elusive birds of paradise. Afterward, we've got some great advice for keeping your gamer relationship healthy and strong long after your courtship is complete. So get reading, and best of luck!

Step 1: Cosplay. Do it. But not too sexy! You're dressing up for him, not the drooling masses. There's an invisible line in his head that separates dedicated fans from attention whores.

Step 2: Dress down. The prettier you look, the more likely he is to believe you're desperate for attention.

Step 3: No keyboard? No way. Get those iOS games out of here. Real games use tactile buttons or something.

Step 4: Remember, you play a female avatar because "a woman's ass is so much nicer to look at," not for some stupid feminist reason. He'll think that's hot.

Step 5: Never out your boo as a gamer to his non-gamer friends. He's ashamed and you should be, too.

Step 6: Be supportive! Constantly having to deal with a culture that's stacked against affluent males is stressful.

Step 7: Spend too much money on ThinkGeek. Garish retro gaming shirts and jewelry never go out of style!

Step 8: Accept that you're in the minority. Games aren't made for you, they're made for your Gamer Babe. Boys are the only ones who buy games, anyway.

Step 9: Don't take games too seriously. Real gamer guys understand that games are just games, and nobody should think too hard about them. Unless it's a game they like. In which case: learn every Pokemon, sniper position, theoretical subconscious plot, and special move or you'll seem like a noob.

Step 10: Never admit you like Pokemon.
10a. Unless your pookie likes Pokemon. Then talk about nothing but Pokemon.

Step 11: Don't try to say anything of substance about videogames. If your new honey agrees, he'll think you're pandering. If he disagrees he'll say it's girlish naivety.

Step 12: Similarly, don't challenge his opinions on videogames. They're not opinions. They're facts (AKA the consensus of people he's afraid to disagree with on NeoGAF).

Step 13: If you're searching for a Gamer Guy to call your own, seek out one of the Nice Guys. You'll be able to recognize Nice Guys by their primary trait: loud, constant complaints about women who won't have sex with them.

Step 14: Never play Farmville or any other social games. You're only a gamer if your tastes align with his.

Still need some help? Don't worry, we ...

Actually, you know what? We're sick of this. We're tired of women (or anyone) being portrayed as something you have to deal with in order to get laid once in a while. We're tired of articles that portray "gamer girls" as the Holy Grail of nerd culture, while simultaneously complaining about what a hassle they are. Most of all, we're tired of men portraying themselves as gaming's Master Race. You've got problems, too, fellas. Likely more problems than most if you've ever written or agreed with a "How to Get a Gamer Girl" article.

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