Movies and TV
5 Ways J.J. Abrams Could Ruin Star Wars

Phil Owen | 14 Aug 2014 08:00
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Revenge of the Sith

2. Retcon the Previous Movies into Being the Machinations of a Galactic Illuminati
J.J. always enjoyed social commentary as do most filmmakers, but Star Trek Into Darkness -- also known as the Truther movie to end all Truther movies -- gave him the taste for films that exist solely as political screeds. Considering everybody's favorite Star Wars movie quote is "Only a Sith deals in absolutes," J.J. is right in thinking that a new Star Wars movie is the perfect project for totally obvious, overbearing and irritating commentary on the state of the world as J.J. sees it.

Working with noted conspiracy theorist Robert Orci for a long time has worn off on J.J., and even though Orci isn't involved in Star Wars, his influence probably still is. Which is why Episode VII could be J.J.'s opportunity to completely deconstruct the Star Wars saga by retconning the events of all the movies as the orchestrations of a galactic Illuminati.

This Illuminati maneuvered Palpatine into power from behind the scenes in the prequel trilogy, but he got too big for his britches (as they say where I come from). Obi-Wan was always in on this and actually recruited Anakin to help with this secret movement, and later on the Rebel Alliance was started by the Illuminati as a way to bring Palpatine down. The Emperor knew of the conspiracy's machinations, but he didn't realize his most trusted servant, Darth Vader, was also working against him at the behest of the Illuminati.

So Episode VII would be the Star Wars equivalent of Saw V, where half the movie is flashbacks that retcon old stuff to set up whatever is happening in the present day. And it will really be an allegory about how 9/11 was an inside job.


3. Make No References to Jedi or Sith or the Force
Those prequels were pretty rough, and J.J. doesn't want to remind us of them any more than he has to (he totally would change the franchise name if Disney would let him). And so Episode VII will completely drop that whole Jedi vs. Sith thing that was so prominent in the last few movies.

No more Darths, no more talk of light and dark sides, no more hokey religions and ancient weapons, and no explanation for why that stuff is gone. It would be a bold move by J.J., but can you really blame him? The scars left by the prequels are deep and very visible, and you don't want this revival of the franchise to reopen those old wounds. Better to be safe and eliminate all the stuff unique to Star Wars than make a two-hour movie full of things that will remind the audience that Attack of the Clones exists.

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