Guy Cry Cinema
The Most Pants-Wetting Terrifying Space Peril Movies

Firefilm | 17 Sep 2015 12:00
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2. Interstellar
Matthew McConaughay makes me mad. There, I said it. When he accepted his Oscar and bleated out one of his infamous "alright, alright, alright" sounds, I all but peed on my TV. But dammit if this movie didn't make me appreciate him just a little bit. Though the film is flawed in a few parts (like being on the wrong side of the line between mysterious and vague for no reason), ultimately it's a win in my book. The smarts employed in this film are astounding, between the cutting edge understanding of time dilation to one of the most accurate visual depictions of theoretical cosmic events. I'm not going to attempt to summarize the plot, but it's fun.

The part that will hit any guy or gal in the feels is when Matthew has to watch his children grow up without him through a series of videos. Due to time dilation, he basically gets the cliff notes of the life he left behind, tragedy and all. Imagine seeing your daughter cry about all her breakups from her entire life in one sitting, and not being able to talk back because of a mistake you made. Ouch.

3. 2001: A Space Odyssey
While slow for modern audiences, this film still holds some of the awards in my mind for most realistic space movie. Maybe not that psychedelic whirlwind ending, but some accolades are still held. A contemplation on the leaps humanity has made in our evolution and where we're going, with a touch of aliens/transdimensional beings mixed into the margins. The main focus, however, is a seemingly harmless A.I. that goes batshit-bananas, earning a place in cinematic history as one of the great villains of all time. HAL-9000, an oversized desktop tower with a solid, unblinking red eye and a calm, uncaring voice. Perfect.

What part makes guys cry? It's the loss of control we feel at that pivotal part where HAL utters his most famous line "I can't do that, Dave." For anyone who's wrestled with modern computers, you know the frustration of not even knowing if the damn thing is hearing your instructions. Imaging if the computer flat out says "Yes, I hear what you want. But I'm not going to do it. Not because I don't understand, but because I don't recognize your authority." Now add in the fact that your life is on the line. Dammit, HAL. Just...dammit.

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