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Doctor Who As Watched By Someone Who Doesn't Really Watch Doctor Who

Bob Chipman | 25 Aug 2014 12:00
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Well alright then.

So, the first thing we see is a Tyrannosaurus Rex stomping around Victorian-era London. The creature's arrival draws a crowd, which includes a pair of gleefully curious women (an aristocrat and her servant by their dress, though their interplay immediately suggests a lesbian couple), the apparent leader of which pulls back a veil to reveal that she's some kind green-skinned sauroid alien (or one of David Icke's reptoids?) who offhandedly mentions having seen dinosaurs before in their natural time/habitat. I'm guessing established characters, because the two of them have a fantastic chemistry/rapport that suggests a lot of prior "working out" of the routine. Since nobody on hand seems all that concerned about the lizard-woman in their midst, I'm assuming these must be either previously-established characters or a shortcut to informing us that this version of Victorian London is "different." Either way, this is an awfully promising combination of Stuff That Will Make Bob Watch a TV Show frontloaded into the first minutes of a broadcast, so there's that.

The T-Rex coughs up the TARDIS onto the shore of the Thames and Interspecies Sapphic Investigation Duo I Haven't Thought Up a Better Nickname For Yet go to check it out, accompanied by a short alien (?) guy who sort of looks like Max the Butler from Cats Don't Dance. His makeup doesn't look as convincing or elaborate as Lizard Woman, so I'm assuming either he or his look are a reference to something from the earlier history of the series.

Anyway, The Doctor emerges seemingly confused about his surroundings but claiming to be able to "speak dinosaur," along with a cute brunette who identifies herself as Clara. I'm aware, at least, that Clara is the most-recent Companion. I'm given to understand from friends that I'm supposed to dislike her and hope she departs the series at some point soon, but since it turns out she's a spunky brunette with a British Schoolgirl/Zooey Deschanel thing going on I'm gonna make my own mind up on that.

So they take The Doctor back to Lizard Woman's (I said I wasn't going to look anything up after watching, which includes any names I didn't catch) flat so he can sleep off what I'm going to guess are side-effects of generating a new body (do they go through this routine every time he changes?) and L.W.'s partner confirms to Clara that they are in fact a married couple (this means they also don't spend all their time in this particular era either, yes?) Meanwhile, out on the street the dinosaur is still just chilling near the river because of a barrier L.W. set up somehow and a guy gets murdered and has his eyeballs stolen by what can most-accurately be described as a Steampunk Terminator. Okay then.

Clara gets called in for a lecture by Lizard Woman (the wife has said her name a few times, but she has a heavy accent and a lisp so I'm not catching it. Spectra?) on the subject of not being so visibly bothered that The Doctor is no longer a handsome young dashing hero type for her to crush on. Oh. I get it -- we're actually talking to the audience here. Ha ha. Cute bit. Kind of hope it's not stretched over the whole of the episode though. Clara gets really catty about the whole thing and straight-up accuses Lizard Woman of checking her out (is this sort of thing why I'm not supposed to like her?) right in front of her wife, which is somehow the magic words that indicate to L.W. that she can be trusted.

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