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B-Movie Miami Connection Pits Ninjas Against Musicians

Marshall Lemon | 22 Dec 2014 09:00
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So for most of the movie, Dragon Sound goes about their business until members of the gang attack, and the band completely wipes the floor with them. Eventually Jeff steps up his game by kidnapping Tom, but leaving a pristine mullet-stache in danger can't be abided. The band immediately launches a rescue mission, during which they accidentally kill Jeff, which John worries will be especially upsetting to Jane. But she takes it surprisingly well:

Jane: I had a lot of thinking to do, I'm hurting inside, you know, and I just couldn't stay away for long because I love you so much.
John: I'm so sorry about what happened, I feel so bad about that.
Jane: It's not your fault, I understand.
John: We had to do it, we had no choice.
Jane: I understand. It's all over now.
John: That's true.
Jane: It's okay. We're happy for Jim.
John: That's right. You finally found your father.
Jim: Right.

Oh yeah, Jim's father. So every now and then Miami Connection introduces random side plots that don't go anywhere, just to keep you on your toes. Secondary characters will get into a spontaneous martial arts fight, or Tom's mustache will try to pick up women at the beach. (And he fails? Impossible!) One of these side plots is Jim's emotional reveal that he never had a relationship with his father, and has been working hard to try and track him down. But good news! He finally receives a letter from his father, the band makes arrangements to meet him when he arrives in Orlando, and it looks like all will be well. Mark, John, and Jim just have to get him to the airport and this family will finally be reunited.

But it's a trap. The true leader of the motorcycle ninja gang, Yashito, is enraged at Jeff's death and plans vengeance. His bikers cut Mark's car off before the airport and attack, mortally wounding Jim mere hours before he was supposed to meet his father. But because Yashito hasn't realized he's fighting highly skilled musicians, that means Mark and John go on a murder rampage against every single ninja that dared attack them. John tears off his shirt in a single stroke and goes running around the woods covered in blood with a sword. Mark, meanwhile, enters one-on-one combat with Yashito and brutally kills him.

But it's okay because Jim's alive! He just needed to get to a hospital, where he can finally meet his father. And now that Dragon Sound has horrifically murdered or pummeled all of its enemies the band never needs to fear retribution again. We are then provided the following moral to the story without a shred of irony:

"Only through the elimination of violence can we achieve world peace."

Because that's the kind of movie Miami Connection is.

Bottom Line: Miami Connection is a spectacular B-Movie experience of ninjas, bikers, ninja bikers, and the black belt musicians who step up to fight them. It's basically an intersection of bad dialogue, silly side plots, and ridiculous martial arts fights that really deserves your attention this holiday season.

Recommendation: Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon used one of Dragon Sound's hit singles for its end credits. What more do you need to know?

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