CineMarterTed 2 - Don't You Get it? The Teddy Bear is Alive and Swearing!
Directed by Seth MacFarlane. Produced by Jason Clark, John Jacobs, Seth MacFarlane, and Scott Stuber. Written by Seth MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, and Wellesley Wild. Release date: June 26, 2015.
In case you've forgotten - it was three years ago, after all - Ted was a movie about a teddy bear that came to life, grew up with a man named John (Mark Wahlberg), and together they swear and smoke pot and contribute almost nothing positively to anyone; they're clearly the most interesting protagonists in film history. It came to us from Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane, who also voiced Ted (sounding exactly like Peter Griffin), and made a ton of money. Now we get a sequel, mostly because of that "made a ton of money" part.
Did we need a Ted 2? Probably not. Ted was, I'll admit, moderately funny, but at least for me it came across as a disappointment. It wasn't quite funny enough, it felt like an overlong Family Guy episode - MacFarlane's style of humor struggles to work for a feature-length film - and there was only the bare minimum when it came to plot and characters. It wasn't without some worth, but it was a forgettable distraction whose popularity continues to baffle me.
Ted 2, meanwhile, falls squarely into "unnecessary sequel" territory. This one sees Ted marry his girlfriend, Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth), and together they decide they want to have a child. But since Ted is, well, a stuffed animal, and Tami-Lynn isn't able to conceive, they wind up going the adoption route, only to learn that Ted isn't considered a "person," and as such not only can they not adopt, but Ted can't work, their marriage has been annulled, and he is henceforth to be referred to as "property." In order to contest this ruling, he and John hire Samantha (Amanda Seyfried), a recent law school grad who is willing to take the case pro bono.
This plot probably reads as more complicated than it actually is in the film. Mostly, it's the bare minimum that the filmmakers could create in order to link their comedic scenes, many of which actually have no bearing on anything and were likely thrown in because they were either rejected from Family Guy or were too profane. Some of these scenes are actually directly lifted from Family Guy, too. I think the point I'm making here is that if you like Family Guy, but wanted it to be smuttier, live-action, and feature-length, then you'll like the Ted movies.