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McArthur Blankenship | 12 Aug 2009 09:00
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Republicans Solve Healthcare with WebMD

Republicans announced a radical plan to install Docphone in every home by 2015. The Docphone will replace long waiting room visits and free up doctors to perform more profitable procedures. Users of the Docphone will simply input their symptoms into the device and which will then scour the internet for a diagnosis and suggest a cure.

"Early trials of the machine are a little concerning," said Mitch Robertson, an engineer for the project who wished to remain anonymous. "One of the strange problems we've had were where the communications software became confused and suggested that some users reporting cramps and headaches 'do a barrel roll.' Still we think this is better than the Democrat's healthcare plan to kill and eat anyone over the age of 50."

WebMD hopes to have public models of the Docphone available by late 2010, with all the accuracy and user friendliness you've come to expect from the internet dictating your health to you.

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