CDC Says Game Addicts Fat, Depressed
The CDC released findings from a study which followed the lifestyles and habits of 500 people aged 19-90. The study found that the participants who played games tended to be overweight and were more likely to be depressed than non-gamers.
The study also suggests that gamers were more likely to turn to the internet for emotional support. This reliance on the internet lead to problems such as uncomfortable chat logs where the study participant was found blubbering about a bad breakup or being overweight. However the study found that many of the problems associated with instant communication could be avoided by simply drinking yourself stupid at a local bar and pouring out your most embarrassing secrets to the first stranger who can stand the stink of rum.
"I resent the implications that gamers are not social. My friends and I go to the Cheescake Factory once a week to talk about our World of Warcraft guild. I don't believe this study is at all conclusive or represents any gamers I know personally. I could lose this weight anytime I wanted to, I just need to get the energy to pull the WiiFit out of its plastic wrap," said Lee Hopper, while eating a stale Cheeto off the floor.