I peeked out from my hiding spot where my fellow employees were lined up facing the wall on their knees. The guards had readied their weapons and Kotick was pacing behind them. I could hear him asking a programmer where Jason and Vince were. Thankfully I wasn't a programmer or anyone important enough to search for. They probably just thought I had left early.
One programmer was hit in the back of the head with a gun-butt when he refused to answer Kotick. He finally caved in after they threatened to hook his genitals up to a car battery. I believe that they would have, Kotick had those Jack Bauer eyes. The programmer muttered that Vince and Jason had gone to EA and had asked him to defect with them.
That's when Kotick got really mad. He started verbally abusing his employees and pulled out an ivory handled revolver. I thought he was going to execute the crying worker, but instead he set it on the desk and gave an order to one of the goons.
The guards shuffled everyone into the conference room where the guards forced them to sign non-disclosure agreements; I guess that they didn't have much choice. Kotick was about six feet from me, intermittently taking pulls off a bottle of scotch while talking to himself between draughts. Then he picked up the gun and put it to his head. I really thought he was going to pull the trigger but instead he just sobbed and set it down again.
Kotick and most of the goons left about an hour later, but I was so scared that I remained under that desk for 12 hours. I only escaped by hopping on a janitor's cart. I was unwittingly pushed out of the building by my savior, a Mexican guy whose nametag read, "Jesus."
When I got home my wife just smiled at me and said that they were looking for me at work. Without a word to her, I went upstairs and packed a backpack. I thought it was best if I didn't tell her what was going on. If she knew anything, they might go harder on her to obtain information about my whereabouts.
It's been over a month now and I am living in a youth hostel somewhere in the Midwest. I have no money, and I am afraid to go to the police.
I sent an email to EA, asking for asylum like they gave to Jason West and Vince Zampella. The customer service people at EA said that they don't want to get involved. I know there's a price on my head, and I fear for my safety.
Please, if you have even the slightest shred of human decency, please pass this message on to all of the news outlets you can. I need the world to hear and understand how dangerous Kotick has become.
I finished my hashbrown-wich - it was delicious.
I was going to email him back but I had an accidental nap that prevented me from following up until Thursday. I still haven't heard from him. I hope it's just a late April fool's joke or hoax of some sort.
Anyway, pizza's here, I gotta go fry the chicken strips.
Marion Cox suggests following him on Twitter for all his bathroom updates.