Shamus Plays

Shamus Plays: LOTRO, Part 12

Shamus Young | 7 Apr 2010 09:00
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Now, if you've been reading this series you know what's coming. You know poor Lulzy is going to have to do something ridiculous. Before I get started deconstructing this acid-trip of a quest chain, I want to point out that while this is probably a lot more loony than it needs to be, I'm actually really glad Turbine included a lot of non-combat questing in the Shire. You can quest in the Human or Dwarf areas if you want to murder robbers or kill ten boars or any of the other half-dozen quest templates we see again and again in MMO games. But the Shire is supposed to be a little silly and Hobbits are supposed to be a little wrapped up in their own little vanities while the War of the Ring rages on outside their borders.

Having said that...


If you remember from last time, Holly Hornblower just got done having me deliver rotten pies to her customers. Now she wants me to get them back.

"Wait a second, pastry-pusher", I say waving my arms. "Why would I want to do that? Why would you want me to do that?"

"Because the pies are bad!" she scolds me.

"Yeah, I got that. But why do you want them? How about I just tell people to throw them away?"

"You'll need to find all of the pies I made yesterday!" she says in a frantic tone. "You have to recover them all!"

"What are you going to do with rotten pies? I mean-," I stop, mid sentence, realizing that the second crazy thing she said to me was more important than the first crazy thing. "What do you mean 'all the pies'? I only delivered two."

"Oh, I made more than that!"

"So, laying aside the question of how they got anywhere when you're obviously glued to this table... Just how many pies are we talking about here?" I am unable to hide the fear in my voice as I ask this question.

"And when you recover the pies, make sure no hungry Hobbits get a whiff of them! I don't have time to-"

"Right. Fine. Recover the pies. I'm going. This is my own fault for expecting you to make sense. I'm sorry."

She really asks you to recover all the pies without giving you any hint as to where they are or even how many there are.

But fine, I'll just look it up on the wiki. Stupid game. Let's see, according to the wiki there are OH MY GOSH.

Twelve pies. Pretty much one from every town in the Shire.


The mail delivery was a single trip through all of these towns, but since I can only carry one tray of of compost pie at a time, this actually calls for a radial path. I need to stop back in Hobbiton between each and every town on the route. I could rent a horse to speed the journey from Hobbiton to the outlying towns, but that costs a silver each time and a pie delivery only pays 90 coppers. So I'd lose 10 coppers a trip if I did that.

Well, my self-respect isn't going to just destroy itself. Let's get this show on the road.

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