Shamus Plays

Shamus Plays: Champions Online, Part 6

Shamus Young | 18 Aug 2010 09:00
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None of the other zombies I've killed have needed this treatment. And I didn't need to drag Mr. Zombie over here for some cleansing. I don't know. It's all very confusing.

There's a line of heroes behind me, each with their own bag of zombie bits, each needing to have their turn with the wolf. But they can't just talk to the wolf that I summoned. They have to stand around and wait a minute or two for the now-useless wolf to disappear. As an added bonus, it's possible for someone to let you activate the first four totems around the circle, and then they will swoop in and activate the final one, thus securing the wolf for themselves. Then you have to wait a couple of minutes. And during that time Mr. Zombie will respawn and you might end up fighting him again.

Yes, I know things were so much worse back in the Everquest days and this sort of thing used to be the norm, but that's no reason to celebrate this mess. A few very minor tweaks is all it would take to clear up this traffic jam and let everyone get back to their fun without all the headaches.

Now I have a quest to go to the site of the airplane crash and, if I understand the directions, beat up even more Hunter-Patriots in search of their secret plans. Sure enough, they are swarming the downed aircraft. I don't understand the strategic value of a wrecked civilian aircraft, but here they are.

I work my way around the site, beating up terrorists and collecting the occasional plans. The Hunter-Patriots have five different schemes they're working on. I don't know what their goals are, since having goals would involve characters with coherent motivations, but at least we now have a picture of how they want to go about attaining their goals, whatever they are. Here are the plans of Canada's most dangerous terrorist organization:

1. Bomb-laden Zambonis
2. Maple-powered Death Ray
3. Questonite curling stone cannons
4. Radioactive Loonie coins
5. Nanite-infused Poutine Gravy

Some people have trouble telling which parts of this SP are part of the game and which bits I made up. A general rule of thumb is this:

1) If it's something silly about my character, then I made it up.
2) If it's something face-slappingly apeshit loco stupid crazy, then it's part of the game.

In case you still doubt, I offer this screenshot:


And you thought I was kidding. Don't you feel silly now? Still, I bet you don't feel half as silly as I do, since I'm the one playing this thing.

Next Time: More Canada! Because fighting in the snowy wastes is what being a superhero is all about!

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