Shamus Plays

Shamus Plays: Champions Online, Part 7

Shamus Young | 25 Aug 2010 09:00
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Several questions spring to mind:

1) It's a crate. Why do I need to blow it up? I've lifted and smashed things larger and heavier than that by accident. While trying to talk to someone.

2) Actually, why destroy it up at all? I could fly that sucker back to Steelhead Base and they could take it apart to study. Or just put it in with the recyclables. Seems a waste to just blow it all up.

3) If we are going to blow it up, is this really what the good guys have come to? I have to scavenge explosives off of our foes? Heck, there is a flak gun ten feet away from the box, and the thing pounds the everlovin' daylights out of me when I approach from the air. It seems like that thing would be a better source of explosives than wandering around, punching guys and swiping their hand grenades. It would actually be hilarious to swipe the crate and use it as a shield against the AA gun, thus tricking the bad guys into shooting their own stuff.

Brain? Are you listening? No? Sigh. Fine.

Astral-Cloned-Giant-Brain is really set on the plans he came up with and isn't interested in listening to reason or the rude things I'm shouting at my computer. Okay, okay. Let's get this over with.

I extract some explosives from the local terrorist population and then take the explosives to the crate of mind-control equipment and activate it. A progress bar fills up as I put the explosives into place. Once full, the box blows up in my face.

Somewhere in southern California, a game developer is laughing his ass off at me right now.

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An explosion going off in my face as I use explosives I didn't need to destroy something I could have smashed to help a floating brain I now hate.

I return to the giant brain. He maintains that he is a super-smart brain and that he is my ally, despite the fact that the last job he gave me demonstrated that at least one of these facts must be false. At least.

Now he wants me to find a teammate and go after the Overmind. I have no idea why he didn't just have me go after the Overmind first. I guess he's just way too smart to take such an obvious and clean route to victory, and would rather send me to suicide-bomb crates of electronics first.

Right. So I need to fight the Overbrain, and his henchman, Ape Plus. The Overbrain has been working to mind-control the Hunter-Patriots to make them into his personal army. Is that bad? I mean, they're already terrorists. If the Overbrain controls them, maybe that's an improvement? We still have the same total number of bad guys to fight. They'll just be doing Overbrain stuff instead of Terrorist stuff.

Here is what I'm going to do: I'm going to solo this job.

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Being that we're after something called "The Overbrain", you can be forgiven for thinking he's the red brain thing to my right. The brain in the tube is actually our "friend," who has been astrally projecting himself. This is his real self. I guess. The little floating doohickey behind that tube is the Overbrain. Ape Plus is there on the left. He's big.

A floating brain and his ape companion. I would like to point out The Brain and Monsieur Mallah from DC comics. Note that I'm not accusing Cryptic of plagiarism, I'm just accusing them of being incurably lame and unimaginative.

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The name over his head indicates he's named Ape-Plus and that he's aligned with the Brain Trust faction. The little red line under his name means he's about to leave the Brain Trust and join the proud fraternity of stuff that used to have a face until it discovered my fist.

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I'm sorry, Overbrain, but I can't hear you over the sound of you getting your ass kicked. It seems like I attacked during some sort of terrorist-union-mandated break, since they guys behind me aren't getting involved.

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