Shamus Plays

Shamus Plays: Champions Online, Part 9

Shamus Young | 15 Sep 2010 09:00
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Sigh.

Okay. So a villain named Foxbat has stolen a shipment of ping-pong balls. Socrates actually has the nerve to call it a "heist." Foxbat evidently uses ping-pong balls as a weapon, and Socrates wants to know why.

My guess: Because Cryptic Studios has extremely liberal policies when it comes to the use of hallucinogenics on the job.

So I'm off to investigate the... theft.

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I arrive to find an overturned truck and spilled ping-pong balls. There's also a car on fire nearby, but there's cars inexplicably on fire all over the city and nobody seems to care. No, the theft of comedic sporting goods is far more concerning to the leadership of the city than silly trivialities like widespread arson that has claimed one out of every eight vehicles.

Upon closer investigation, it's clear that the trail of ping-pong balls leads off towar-WOAH!

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Somewhere in southern California, a game developer is laughing his ass off at me.

Okay, so apparently you can slip and fall on the ping-pong balls. Anyway, the trail of ping-pong balls leads to a nearby warehouse. Let's get over there and see what's what.

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I pass a couple more car fires on the way in. There's also a team of criminals on the roof and rubble all over the streets, but by all means, let's deal with this ping-pong ball emergency.

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Inside, the warehouse is dark and ominous. Er, aside from the ping-pong balls, anyway.

Hello? Anyone here? I'm from the superheroes. I'm here to talk to someone about the theft of ... some stuff. I just want to ask you a few questions, and then maybe punch you into orbit if you sound guilty. Hello?

I wait a few moments. Nothing. Whew. I experience a great sense of relief. I feel really stupid doing this, and I'd much prefer going back to Socrates with nothing and letting the police deal with the case. It's probably just a bunch of kids anyway.

As I turn to leave, I realize I should probably check out the pile of ping-pong balls in the middle of the room first. You know, for clues and such. Supervillains are not subtle and might well have left something really obvious laying around. I go over and have a quick look around, making sure not to step on the balls.

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