Shamus Plays

Shamus Plays: Champions Online, Part 13

Shamus Young | 13 Oct 2010 09:00
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... this. Oh look. More grandma-murdering guys.

They really do engage the lady first, but it's kind of important to stop them from doing that and not stand around taking pictures while it happens. Which is why these shots show them beating on me. These were taken after I'd gotten their attention.

I don't suppose they beat any sense into you? No? Fine. Lead on.

Grammy turns a corner, turns another corner, leads me down an alleyway, then takes me into an even smaller alleyway, which is also a dead-end. Okay, so ...

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It's an ... ambush?

The little old lady turns into a PSI-powered super-villain and leaps into action!

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"Hang on a second there, Pinky," I say, putting up my hands in mock surrender, "Before we make the beast with four fists, I need you to go over your plan here. Because one of us has just been promoted to the biggest idiot in the city, and I'm pretty sure it's not me."

Ambusher gives out a third-rate villainous laugh and puffs out his chest, "Alright hero. I'll use small words so your feeble mind can comprehend. Nothing can withstand-"

"Yeah. So, you began this thing by disguising yourself as an old woman half your height. That's a pretty good trick. But then you made up this nonsense about a cat and confused the whole thing."

"And you fell for it anyway!" he says. And then does the laugh thing again. It sounds a little too forced.

"Okay. Point for you," I concede, "But then - and this is where things went really bad for Team Pink - you had your men ambush us, with orders to attack you."

There's a pause before he answers, "Of course! I tricked you into defending me!" Then he pauses for a few more seconds before giving me another, "Hahaha-HA!"

"Yes," I say with as much patience as I can muster, "You tricked me into killing your dudes, leaving you all alone."

Ambusher shrugs, "Yeah, well. Good help is hard to find. Your point?"

"Why didn't you just have them attack ME?"

His answer is a blank stare.

I try again, "You could have stood by and watched your men beat on me, instead of getting beaten up yourself."

His shoulders sag a bit. "Shit," he says at last.

"Yeah. Think about it: If I'm too strong for you, you'll lose this fight. But if I was too weak, then your men would have killed you. Your entire plan depended on me being stronger than all of your men, but weaker than you alone."

"Look, maybe I just don't have a head for planning," he says bitterly.

I cock my head to one side and give him the raised eyebrow of "are you kidding me?" Finally I ask him, "Aren't you a member of PSI? Isn't your entire army of villains based around mind powers? How can you be bad at planning? Intelligence is your superpower!"

"Well," he says looking around, "I STILL led you back here and trapped you in this alleyway!"

"You're the one with his back to the wall," I point out, "If this doesn't go my way, I can just turn around and bail. If this goes bad for you ... what's your plan, then?"

"I'll call on my henchmen!"

"Dead. Remember?"

He looks past me, out towards the open area where all of his men have been piled up in a gruesome heap of hideous pink outfits. "Right, right. Damn. Well I could-"

"And no, I wouldn't fall for it if you just turned into an old woman again."

"Damn."

"Basically, you tricked me into killing all your guys and then you tried to go through that brick wall head-first."

"What are you talking about? I never-"

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