My friend Trevor just tried to kill some of my villagers. He got two of them. Now I'm trying to figure out whether I should build Yabusames or Naginatas, which look the same to me. I hope that's not racist, but it's true. Just to be fair, Uhlans and Hussars also look the same to me. So I'm studying the tool tips in Age of Empires III - in other words, I'm in deep - when the new guy leans his face down close to mine. It startles me a bit.
"Sorry to disturb you," he says. Even the new guy knows there's an RTS zone. An RTS takes a lot of brain power, and precious little is left over for things like talking to your buddies. Other games don't really use the whole brain. While playing a shooter, I can explain to Trevor how 30 Days of Night did, in fact, suck. I can listen to NPR while playing a shooter. I might even try to answer the Geo Quiz. 'Guangdong province,' I'll guess. Or 'Brussels' or 'Madagascar'. But if I'm playing an RTS and the radio is on, I'll be all, like, 'What happened to the Geo Quiz? Did they not have it today?' Then there's something like Hellgate, which requires zero brain power. I could probably watch a movie or read a book while playing Hellgate. In fact, there's an idea.
"Sorry to disturb you," the new guy says, "but I have a question." He is knocking out of my head the fact that the Yabusames are the ones good against enemy cavalry, and therefore what I need to build to keep Trevor's Keshiks off my villagers. Not that I can tell a Keshik from a Steppe Rider. They all look the same to me.
"Where is the bottle opener?" the new guy asks. My kitchen isn't vast. There are four drawers in it. Only four. Sometimes I wonder why we keep calling the new guy the new guy, even though he's been coming to Shoot Club for several months. This is not one of those times.
"Dude, there are only four drawers in my kitchen. Did you at least check any of them?"
"Well, I didn't want to snoop around in your stuff."
Fair enough. Maybe he knows people who kept their porn in the kitchen.