Shoot Club

Shoot Club: All Our Pretty Songs, Part One, Just Outside Your Front Door

Tom Chick | 6 Dec 2007 17:00
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Part One: Just Outside Of Your Front Door

My friend Trevor doesn't understand.

"It's a two hundred dollar game," I explain over the phone. "I'm not getting it."

"Why aren't they sending you a copy? Are you sure they aren't? It seems like they send you every other game."

"Well, they're apparently not sending me this one. I'm pretty sure press people who are getting it already have their copies." One of my editors won't shut up about how cool it is. He keeps emailing me about how everyone in the office is playing the advance copy, and even the guys from the insurance company upstairs have been coming down at lunch to play it. But whatever. I've got plenty of games to play for work. I'm doing a strategy guide for Assassin's Creed, trying to list the location of as many flags as I can find. My Kane & Lynch review is due in three days. I'm reviewing Pinkie Pie's Party Parade for The Beowulf game just came in. It's a busy time of year. I can do without Rock Band.

"You should tell them you're doing an article on it," Trevor suggests. "I bet they'd send you one then."

"But I'm not doing an article on it. I can't very well just make up articles I'm doing."

"Hey, you write that thing about Shoot Club. You should tell them you're doing one of those on Rock Band and I bet they'd send it to you."

"But I'm not doing one on Rock Band. How can I? I've never played it."

"Exactly. Tell them that and they might send you one."

"Besides, I'm already writing Shoot Club about something else this month."

"What could you be writing about that's more important than Rock Band?"

"I'm doing my next column on BioShock."


"It's a different topic this time. It's about the audio diaries and how the supporting characters are-"

"Okay, whatever. Dude, how old is that game?"

"Do you even know who McDonagh is? He was the engineer who starts to question the whole thing after Ryan nationalizes Fontaine Futuristics. You find his body strung up outside Ryan's office. It's a story of loyalty and betrayal. And it's not even the main plot. BioShock has more story in a half dozen audio diaries than most games have in their whole game."

"Would you get over it already? BioShock is over. It's single player, you played through it twice, you got the achievements, and now you're done. There's nothing more to be said. Let it go."

"Do you even know who Diane McClintock is?"

"If you really were a big shot games writer, we would be playing Rock Band by now. But no, you won't shut up about BioShock and it's still just stinky old Guitar Hero for us. If I have to play Welcome to the Jungle one more time, I'm going to scream. Look, if you're not going to buy Rock Band, I am."

"I'm not trying to stop you."

"Hey, can I set it up at your house? We can't play it at my place because of my mom."

"Yeah, sure, come on over after you get it tomorrow. We can play it at Shoot Club."

"No, not tomorrow. Tonight."

"It doesn't come out until tomorrow."

"Midnight sales, dude."

"I have to finish Crysis for a review."

"That's okay, I'll handle it. I'll set it up and play it myself while you finish Crysis. Want to come with me? It'll be midnight in a half hour."

"I just said I have to finish Crysis for a review."

"We don't have to wait in line at Best Buy or anything. That's for losers. We can just go to a 24-hour Wal-Mart."

"There are 24-hour Wal-Marts?"

"Duh. But they're all outside city limits. I'll drive"

We live in a city that hates Wal-Mart. I can't really blame them. I've been to a Wal-Mart Supercenter. It has everything. All other businesses within a fifty mile radius might as well close down. So the city passed whatever laws are necessary to keep the Wal-Marts at bay. But that doesn't stop the Wal-Marts from pressing up against the edges of the city on all sides, like armies laying siege. They know it's just a matter of time. Wal-Mart is as patient and enormous as Cthulhu.

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