e3 2014
The Un-Official Escapist E3 Awards

The Escapist Staff | 18 Jun 2014 18:00
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Best Premise for A Game Ever - Splatoon

Paul Says: To no one's surprise, this year's E3 had the usual gamut of sequels and games featuring grizzled male protagonists doing grizzled male protagonist things. But anyone would be hard pressed to say Nintendo didn't have a great presentation this year with some nifty titles to show off at their E3 booth. One of its upcoming games definitely stood out from all the rest, and that game was Splatoon for the Wii U.

Just in case you don't know what I'm talking about, Splatoon is a squid-based paint-baller where you try to cover the playing field in more ink than your opponent, switching between human and squid forms to traverse the playing field and spraying paint everywhere. It looks colorful, it looks energetic, and most importantly it looks wicked enjoyable.

Special mention goes to Hatoful Boyfriend, a dating simulator about birds, because seriously, who would not want to play a dating simulator about birds?

The "Best E3 Rave Party" Award - Xbox Press Conference

Andrea Says: Glow stick bracelets and EDM music for everyone! Seriously though, the "Revolution" vocal mix by R3hab & Ummet Ozcan & NERVO during the Forza Horizon 2 gameplay trailer might have been the highlight of the day for me. Also, the bracelet doubled as a beacon while trying to find someone on the crowded show floor! Who said nerds don't know how to party?

The "What The Hell Did I Just Watch" Award - Metal Gear Solid V - The Phantom Pain

Paul Says: Alright, so I kinda dug the first MGS V trailer from GDC last year. I liked the melancholy song choice ("Not Your Kind of People" by Garbage), the grim imagery of a tired and wounded Big Boss, and yes, even the weird supernatural elements (giant fiery space whale whoooo!) that the series has become known for asides the whole "Tactical" Espionage Action" business.

But after viewing the latest trailer, I found myself incredibly confused. Okay, so we got Big Boss covered in blood for like half the trailer, wiping the ashes of his fallen comrades on his face for some reason or another during a funeral service, that sniper lady who's woefully under-dressed for combat situations leaping around shanking people, and lots of knives being swung around with slow, probably symbolic lens flares glinting off the blades. Also, Big Boss has a massive chunk of shrapnel sticking out of his forehead and doesn't seem the least bit concerned about, you know, internal brain injuries or infection. What's up with that? Is there going to be some kind of game mechanic centered around Big Boss' gratuitous head wound, where if you tug on it you can intercept enemy transmissions or something?

The "Editor We Thank God For" Award - Jim Sterling

Because, well, duh.

So dear readers, what kind of awards would you have given out at E3 this year?

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