Why Haven't They Made This?

Why Haven't They Made This?
Capitalism is teh suxx0r!!111!

Mark Wallace | 4 Oct 2005 08:05
Why Haven't They Made This? - RSS 2.0

January 1
Start of a new fiscal year and finally, the long-promised invasion patch. With my stash of small arms, I know who my first target's going to be: Mr. Command Economy himself. His people have suffered too long. The patch notes describe a new Loyalty metric: "The capacity of a people to believe anything their Chief Economist tells them. Higher Loyalty indicates a population will obey directives if they can be shown to be in the people's economic interest." Perfect.

My Economic Dependence standings in relation to Mr. CE are off the charts. I've already tried dragging the Economic Dependence figure into the Reason for Invasion box in the new dialogue and it looks like it'll work. Economic colonialism, here we come!

January 22
I did it! Two weeks ago, the invasion of Banania [Command Economy] by Profitania [Market Capitalism] (that's me) was launched. Three days later, Banania's finance minister resigned, and the country on my northern border is now known as Banania [Emerging Capitalism]. Just what I wanted; all the Emerging classes are highly subject to the influence of neighboring economies, that's why no one ever picks them to start out with. Now I'm forcing my oil down his throat, buying his small arms at rock-bottom prices and selling them on to the Plutocrats for major profits. A lot more people are buying my bonds now. I've got to find some way to sterilize those capital flows since I'm already seeing inflation again, but that shouldn't be too much of a problem. Anyway, I did it - I prevailed in EvE!

March 16
My boss called me into her office at work today. The first thing she asked me was whether I thought I was really cut out to be an oil trader. Of course I am, I told her. (Never show weakness.) She just came right out and said I was going to have to stop relying on inside information. I was shocked. I don't have any inside information. It wasn't like I'd hacked the client. I brought down Banania on my own merits. I'm just a better Chief Economist than most, I told her. I'd solved the problem of real-money trades. Of course, it seemed that some of the small arms I was selling had somehow found their way to another nation-state on my borders, but it didn't look like anything I couldn't handle. My boss didn't say anything for a while, but when she spoke, I realized my boastful nature had worked in my favor for once. She told me that while I could still expect a paycheck every two weeks, I shouldn't bother coming into the office for the time being. Woot! She knew I had better things to do than trade oil. I had an entire economy to defend.

April 2
The invasion has begun. And to my shock, I'm being invaded by N4dr, the forum troll himself, who's set himself up in a Socialist Republic just over my eastern border. How did I miss that? I must've been pre-occupied in Banania - which is now a new problem, since the market forces I set up there have steered the population away from small arms production. Lulled into a false sense of security by the recent high oil prices that have made my own country rich, they've literally gone from making guns to making butter overnight. So I have plenty of money, but nothing to spend it on but dairy products. N4dr says he'll hold off on the invasion if I cut back oil production and put environmental controls into place, but there's no way. I have one of the cheapest costs of production on the virtual planet. If he wants to break my bank, he'll have to find a better way to do it.

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