Chronicles of Cataclysm: The Lost Isles

Greg Tito | 9 Aug 2010 09:00
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*Spoiler Warning: This article contains story spoilers for the goblin starting zone in Cataclysm.*

The cinematic isn't complete, but once you escape from the island city of Kezan, as I detailed in a previous installment of Chronicles of Cataclysm, the power yacht owned by Gallywix is embroiled in a naval battle between the Horde and the Alliance. The important piece of information that one must assume before starting to quest is that (like Han Solo) the Alliance shot first. Your goblin boat is destroyed and shards of it wash up onto the beaches of the Lost Isles.

After a few introductory quests, you are reunited with most of the characters that you met on Kezan from levels 1 through 5. Sassy Hardwrench is back, but she is now the go-to-goblin for finding stuff on the island. Gallywix, ever playing the Trade Prince, lords over the broken hull of his yacht as if it were still a throne of industry. Your girlfriend, Candy Cane, has shacked up with another man, however, and she shuns your attempts to get back together. Minor characters round out the standard town services in WoW like innkeepers and class trainers. Your buddy, Gobber, operates as a bank.

Your first task is to grab some of the supplies that the natives have stolen, but, in this case, the natives are intelligent monkeys. Wait, what? You might remember the goblin legend that had their race mining for Kaja'mite as slaves of the trolls thousands of years ago, and that the properties of the strange mineral caused them to grow smarter. There is a source of Kaja'mite on the Lost Isles as well and the same thing has happened to these monkeys, but you do not offer them membership into the Bilgewater Cartel. Instead, you lure them into eating bananas laced with nitro, and then watch the monkey fireworks blow! I'm not sure why, but I get a surge of glee watching those damn monkey shoot to the skies. Perhaps I am part-goblin.

Exploring the island a bit more brings you in contact with two other factions that have shipwrecked on the island, Orcs and Humans. The orcs, led by the female Mag-har Aggra, befriend you after you pass through a few hoops and show them what a clever goblin you are. This is accomplished by using your handy goblin invention, the All-in-1 Der belt, to mow down a field of huge carnivorous plants. I never thought that mowing the lawn could be fun, but running over 100 plant monsters is a nice break from monotonous quest design. I just wish there was more of a game to it; you are invulnerable from attacks during this quest and there is no hint of danger. Cool animations are great and all, but if I don't feel like there is a (albeit slim) possibility of failure, then it truly just feels like you're going through the motions.


Aggra tasks you with infiltrating the Alliance camp, stealing a gyrocopter, flying it to an Alliance ship and picking up a mysterious package. Now that's a quest! Just sneaking into the camp is hard, unless you were playing Jingo the goblin rogue. A few ambushes and the mooks guarding the gyrocopter were efficiently turned into corpses. I even picked their pockets before stabbing them in the kidneys, just 'cause I could. Yeah, I'm that kind of a goblin. You don't want to meet the green-skinned 3 foot tall Jingo in a dark alley. I'll stab your ankles.

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