Is it weird/predatory for an 18 year old to date a 21 year old?

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I was wondering, how is the relationship generally viewed? I heard some say its predatory? Are the gaps too big for a relation to work.

No? 18 is considered legally...sexual, for lack of a better term. 18/21 is just as fine as 19/22.

BUT 17/20 I understand to be a no-no for consent reason.

Now:
https://v1.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.945514-Is-it-weird-creepy-for-a-19-year-to-date-a-17-year-old

Explain yourself. Is there someone you want to date or are you a dating site bot?

I mean, I'll say yeah. "Can legally drink/can't legally drink" is a decent line for young adults after "is a child/is not a child"

Fuzzier, and with more edge cases, maybe. 'Course, growinging up in a small town attached to an Air Force Base with a heavy drinking culture might have something to do with that opinion.

At that age both are consenting adults so yeah, sure, what's the problem?

Only drawback I see is that one of you can drink wine with a decent meal and the other can't. If you go out that is.

Wait, yeah, you made a similar thread like 2 years ago and the answers will likely be much the same, if not more unanimously "Of course it's fine."

Is there someone close to you telling you otherwise?

Is this even about/for you?

18 years old is pretty much the age in the majority of places of the world where people magically stop giving a shit about age, unless it's drinking.

Didn't you get your answer already with the only other thread you've ever posted here, being about pretty much the same thing?

I mean, it can be..

A lot happens to many people between the ages of 18 and 21. It's an age where people are legally adults, but most people are still very much learning how to be adults, and that includes things like how to recognise red flags in a relationship.

Most of my friends at that age ended up dating people a few years older than them. For some, it was a positive experience, but for quite a few it ended in emotional or physical abuse by people who took advantage of their relative inexperience, and whose entire goal in getting into a relationship with someone younger was very clearly to have that kind of power.

It's always worth bearing in mind that people can be vulnerable to or to getting into toxic relationships no matter what age they are, but in general less experienced people are more vulnerable, and younger people tend to be less experienced. If someone consistently goes after people younger than them, even if they're quite young themselves, then you should at least consider the possibility that they might not have the best of intentions.

Is it weird/predatory for a 18 year old to date a 16 year old and vice versa?

Or a 16 year old to a 14 year old and vice versa?

I think it entirely depends on the individual, but I do realize laws do not work that way. So legally in most cases it is advised to obey the laws. As a female, I always dated guys much older than me, but that is because I found guys my age to be a bit immature for my tastes. Even worse, I almost always dated older boys, and in school I had my first Boyfriend at the age of 5 and he was 7. Now of course that was just 'puppy love" and harmless, but when I was 12 I was dating a 16 year old. I went to the senior prom at the Highschool escorted by a senior every year from 13 yrs old up. At 15 my boyfriend was a Freshman in college, however I was also legally emancipated in a court of law that same year and determined to be a legal adult and had my own apartment at the time. I was advanced for my age and was the youngest person in my classes in school with all of the other students being years older than I was. Even worse, I was not the only person in my family who had skipped grades and was in higher level classes, my sister 4 years older than me and my sister 2 years by younger also were advanced placed, and also all dated older guys as well. Due to my placement in school, most of my friends as well as my boyfriends were all much older than me. Although briefly I did date guys younger than me at one time, I wind up with older guys for long term relationships.

18 is technically legal, but for all you people over 21 just remember how stupid and naive you were when you were 18 and ask yourself if you would trust yourself

It depends of the State/Country. Next!

With some obvious exceptions, predatory relationships can happen between people of any age, age difference on its own is not a definitive indicator.

undeadsuitor:
18 is technically legal, but for all you people over 21 just remember how stupid and naive you were when you were 18 and ask yourself if you would trust yourself

Gonna be honest, I'd trust me at 18 about the same as I'd trust me at 21. Which is to say, carefully. Wasn't like I suddenly matured once my age had a 2 at the start

Age is a number. My uncle is 63 and his wife is 58, and they've been together happily 35 years now. The only restriction I'd consider is the legal one.

Not on principle, no.

Tbh, by the time you get to your mid-twenties or older, the difference between 18 and 21 seems like splitting hairs. Whatever floats your boat.

Why would it be predatory for an 18 year old to date a 21 year old (I'm assuming the order of the ages matters)? Is the 18 year old only dating the 21 year old so the latter can buy alcohol for the former, in which case, yeah that's a little use-y.

I dated a 25 year old when I was 18. I dated an 18 year old at 22. Been on both sides.

I'd say that generally, due to age it not predatory. But there are some circumstance that could make it predatory if someone leverages maturity into domination of an individual. But that's not just 18 year olds

evilthecat:
I mean, it can be..

A lot happens to many people between the ages of 18 and 21. It's an age where people are legally adults, but most people are still very much learning how to be adults, and that includes things like how to recognise red flags in a relationship.

Most of my friends at that age ended up dating people a few years older than them. For some, it was a positive experience, but for quite a few it ended in emotional or physical abuse by people who took advantage of their relative inexperience, and whose entire goal in getting into a relationship with someone younger was very clearly to have that kind of power.

It's always worth bearing in mind that people can be vulnerable to or to getting into toxic relationships no matter what age they are, but in general less experienced people are more vulnerable, and younger people tend to be less experienced. If someone consistently goes after people younger than them, even if they're quite young themselves, then you should at least consider the possibility that they might not have the best of intentions.

Hell i'd Argue anyone under 25 still has no idea what being an adult it. Sure Maturity levels vary, but i really wish u knew at 25 what i know at 30.

JoJo:
Tbh, by the time you get to your mid-twenties or older, the difference between 18 and 21 seems like splitting hairs. Whatever floats your boat.

Idk man

As someone who runs a community guild and discord in world of Warcraft you would be surprised at the general distance in maturity between like 18 and 20.

Like you can tell man idk

People are still teenagers around their 20s.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIiWga5I4AE

...Taken in a vacuum? No. But considering that you asked a similar question with 17 and 19 two years ago, the implications of the retread do make me raise an eyebrow

CrazyDiamond:
I was wondering, how is the relationship generally viewed? I heard some say its predatory? Are the gaps too big for a relation to work.

Use the general rule of (half the older age) + 7. (21/2)+7 = 17.5, so 18 is fine. Just.

I'm half joking - half because I actually think the rule is a lot more useful than might be initially thought.

Generally I think things are liable to work best when both people are in relatively similar phases of life. These phases tend to shift rapidly in youth, and slow down as people get older. School to ~18, then maybe ~3-4 years university or early career, up to the mid/late 20s later development and settling in, then stability (kids, mortgages, etc.) throughout the 30s into the 40s, then middle age to retirement, old age the rest. Applying the above formula, chances are you're with someone at least reaching distance of a similar perspective.

If you want to date someone well out of phase, it greatly reduces the chance you're really on a level. At the worst, it can even be unhealthy such as an older partner who craves the admiration of the naive and physique of the young rather than their value as a person. It's not always going to be bad, of course, but ultimately I suspect large age differences rarely tend to be most constructive for the relationship or either partner within it. Mind you, lots of the relationships will also break down when a change in "phase" occurs, as the alteration causes reassessment of circumstances, relationship included, and the bigger the age gap, bigger the problem.

I suspect I could struggle to have a deep emotional and personal relationship with someone considerably younger / older than myself. I might like them in many ways, but I fear it's unlikely we'd really be looking in the same direction in life much of the same time, have the same cultural reference points, etc. That, I suspect, would always leave a substantial gap between us.

CrazyDiamond:
I was wondering, how is the relationship generally viewed? I heard some say its predatory? Are the gaps too big for a relation to work.

Umm...

Silentpony:

https://v1.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.945514-Is-it-weird-creepy-for-a-19-year-to-date-a-17-year-old

Explain yourself. Is there someone you want to date or are you a dating site bot?

Yeah, this is getting weird. I have a feeling OP has just been biding their time, being interested in someone else but doesn't have the balls to just ask them out. So they keep wondering in their mind if it's creepy to date them due to age... when they probably know sub-consciously that it's not about that, they're just being really creepy by obsessing over this one person for this long.

That's just my guess. But it's my best explanation as to why this keeps coming back

18 is the age you are considered an adult in the UK. Age of consent is 16 if the partner is within two years of age. Your talking about an age gap of 3 years where everyone involved is above 18, I cannot see how this could even be considered a problem.

Marik2:
People are still teenagers around their 20s.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIiWga5I4AE

Trump is still a teenager... I'd also put into the teenager category people who use the terms: snowflake, Millenial, entitled. Becuase they generally are the ones being a snowflake or entitled.

Age of consent here in NZ is 16, but you'll only get the book thrown at you if you're like 25 and you sleep with a 13 year old. My former flatmate slept with a 15 year old when he was 30, and most people's reaction's around here were "that's pretty messed up" in a frowny way, not in a moralising way like sex offender christian politicians.

The op doesn't say anything about sex, just dating. Ok, yeah, that might be implied, but not necessarily.

undeadsuitor:
18 is technically legal, but for all you people over 21 just remember how stupid and naive you were when you were 18 and ask yourself if you would trust yourself

Good advice but, in hindsight, I was still nearly as much a dingus at 21.

ebalosus:
Age of consent here in NZ is 16, but you'll only get the book thrown at you if you're like 25 and you sleep with a 13 year old. My former flatmate slept with a 15 year old when he was 30, and most people's reaction's around here were "that's pretty messed up" in a frowny way, not in a moralising way like sex offender christian politicians.

Wait, what? I thought it was 18 here? are you sure its 16?

Wakey87:
18 is the age you are considered an adult in the UK. Age of consent is 16 if the partner is within two years of age. Your talking about an age gap of 3 years where everyone involved is above 18, I cannot see how this could even be considered a problem.

Elvis Starburst:

CrazyDiamond:
I was wondering, how is the relationship generally viewed? I heard some say its predatory? Are the gaps too big for a relation to work.

Umm...

Silentpony:

https://v1.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.945514-Is-it-weird-creepy-for-a-19-year-to-date-a-17-year-old

Explain yourself. Is there someone you want to date or are you a dating site bot?

Yeah, this is getting weird. I have a feeling OP has just been biding their time, being interested in someone else but doesn't have the balls to just ask them out. So they keep wondering in their mind if it's creepy to date them due to age... when they probably know sub-consciously that it's not about that, they're just being really creepy by obsessing over this one person for this long.

That's just my guess. But it's my best explanation as to why this keeps coming back

No. I'm just anxious worried about my age a lot and ruminate about it quite a bit. Kind of going through a quarter life crisis.

\

evilthecat:
I mean, it can be..

A lot happens to many people between the ages of 18 and 21. It's an age where people are legally adults, but most people are still very much learning how to be adults, and that includes things like how to recognise red flags in a relationship.

Most of my friends at that age ended up dating people a few years older than them. For some, it was a positive experience, but for quite a few it ended in emotional or physical abuse by people who took advantage of their relative inexperience, and whose entire goal in getting into a relationship with someone younger was very clearly to have that kind of power.

It's always worth bearing in mind that people can be vulnerable to or to getting into toxic relationships no matter what age they are, but in general less experienced people are more vulnerable, and younger people tend to be less experienced. If someone consistently goes after people younger than them, even if they're quite young themselves, then you should at least consider the possibility that they might not have the best of intentions.

Can 18/20 and 19/21 be predatory then

trunkage:
I dated a 25 year old when I was 18. I dated an 18 year old at 22. Been on both sides.

I'd say that generally, due to age it not predatory. But there are some circumstance that could make it predatory if someone leverages maturity into domination of an individual. But that's not just 18 year olds

Eh, i'd say 22 and 18 is kind of weird and 25/18 is 100%

CrazyDiamond:
Can 18/20 and 19/21 be predatory then

Of course it can be, you can be predatory at any age. It doesn't have to be.

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