Doom: Annihilation movie to release this fall.

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TIL they're doing another Doom live action movie adaptation. Releases this oktober. Trailer time:


Aside from looking like a cheapass direct to video movie (which it is) and of course the severe lack of Dwayne Johnson, I have questions, such as:

- Has this 30 second trailer already shown us the best this movie has to offer?
- Will sitting through this movie be considered a hellish experience?
- Will this supplant Mortal Kombat: Annihilation as the worst video game movie with that particular subtitle?
- What is the likelyhood showing B-Cell there's going to be a female fronted Doom movie would give him an aneurysm?
- Why did they give the Doomgirl a dumb name like Joan Dark, and not the also dumb but much more amusing Billie Jean Blazkowicz?

I want theories, everyone! Ready? Go!

Most important: Will it be as utterly stupid and banal as the first Doom movie?

...also, "Joan Dark"? Why not go whole-hog and name her Joanna Dark so Rare's lawyers have something to do?

That looks bad. Like not even fun bad. Is this an uwe boll? It looks like an uwe boll.
To answer: yes, yes, probably not, only one way to find out, and yes. I mean, because it's bad and all the people involved are bad at this, which also includes giving names to their fictional characters.

That actress looks like she'd have trouble lifting a glock, never mind the BFG-9000. Couldn't they get someone beefier?

If we're imaging the Doom main character can savagely pound a large demon to death after grabbing a berserk powerup, she could at least look a bit like she could punch her way out of a paper bag in the first place.

"She is Joan Dark, but everybody here calls her 'Doomgirl' because... reasons"

CaitSeith:
"She is Joan Dark, but everybody here calls her 'Doomgirl' because... reasons"

Everyone else around her is going to die in the course of the movie: maybe it's not the first time it's happened to her.

Neurotic Void Melody:
That looks bad. Like not even fun bad. Is this an uwe boll? It looks like an uwe boll.

Alas no, it's directed by a dude called Tony Giglio. His most notable achievements are directing the direct-to-video sequel to the direct-to-video sequel to SWAT, that movie with Sam Jackson you don't remember and writing all three direct-to-video sequels to the 2008 Death Race remake. Yes there's 3 of those.

Ugh, why? I mean it doesn't even look like they really gave it a budget, that looks like a cheap cheap movie. Maybe they were about to lose the movie rights to Doom and decided to just crap out something to hold onto them.

Chimpzy:
Alas no, it's directed by a dude called Tony Giglio. His most notable achievements are directing the direct-to-video sequel to the direct-to-video sequel to SWAT, that movie with Sam Jackson you don't remember and writing all three direct-to-video sequels to the 2008 Death Race remake. Yes there's 3 of those.

That makes far too much sense. A jobber for sure. Can't say those are particularly tempting backlogs, who the hell is keeping the demand up for those sequels? Seems like something you could outsource to an algorithm these days.

The Rogue Wolf:
...also, "Joan Dark"? Why not go whole-hog and name her Joanna Dark so Rare's lawyers have something to do?

Possible reference to Joan of Arc, who in her native French would have been Joan d'Arc?

This looks less Doom and more Live Action Resident Evil.

Doom 3 was more Doom then this.

Palindromemordnilap:
Possible reference to Joan of Arc, who in her native French would have been Joan d'Arc?

Jeanne d'Arc, tho that's actually what the French called her. Her real name was probably closer to Jehanne Tarq or something.

Samtemdo8:
This looks less Doom and more Live Action Resident Evil.

Coincidentally, the director for this was 2nd unit director under Paul W.S. Anderson for one of the Resident Evil sequels. In short, a hack who's a discount version of another, bigger hack.

Samtemdo8:
This looks less Doom and more Live Action Resident Evil.

Doom 3 was more Doom then this.

Doom 3 is an underapprieacted game. As a run/gun Doom game? Nah, its bad. As a first person space horror game? Yeah its pretty good.
Just like Resident Evil 6 as a spooky survival horror game? Nah. As Call of Duty: Zombie Apocalypse? Yeah its pretty good.

Neurotic Void Melody:

That looks bad. Like not even fun bad. Is this an uwe boll? It looks like an uwe boll.
To answer: yes, yes, probably not, only one way to find out, and yes. I mean, because it's bad and all the people involved are bad at this, which also includes giving names to their fictional characters.

Uwe Boll was utilizing tax breaks to make a profit on his movies. Those tax breaks no longer exist, so neither does Uwe.

Alas, no more Blubberella

This looks like Starship Troopers sequels level of awesomeness. I'm so in.

trunkage:
Uwe Boll was utilizing tax breaks to make a profit on his movies. Those tax breaks no longer exist, so neither does Uwe.

Alas, no more Blubberella

Ahh, a fellow mov... spin-off doctors listenee?
Yeah, did hear a couple of things about Uwe's creative accounting there, but wasn't confident enough in how accurate any of it was to bring it up. That explains his stroppy Kickstarter failures at least.

Chimpzy:
... and writing all three direct-to-video sequels to the 2008 Death Race remake. Yes there's 3 of those.

And even the 2008 version isn't as good as the original Death Race 2000.

Incidentally, I quite enjoyed the original Doom movie. It's junk, but a perfectly good popcorn-muncher. I actually thought the Wing Commander movie was decent in the same sort of way, too.

Silentpony:

Samtemdo8:
This looks less Doom and more Live Action Resident Evil.

Doom 3 was more Doom then this.

Doom 3 is an underapprieacted game. As a run/gun Doom game? Nah, its bad. As a first person space horror game? Yeah its pretty good.
Just like Resident Evil 6 as a spooky survival horror game? Nah. As Call of Duty: Zombie Apocalypse? Yeah its pretty good.

Doom 3 only sucked to people because Half Life 2.

the only good scene in the first doom

Palindromemordnilap:

The Rogue Wolf:
...also, "Joan Dark"? Why not go whole-hog and name her Joanna Dark so Rare's lawyers have something to do?

Possible reference to Joan of Arc, who in her native French would have been Joan d'Arc?

I think you're giving them waaaaaaaay too much credit.

... you know it wasn't that hard to make it better than the 2005 version, but even by those standards this looks awful.

Silentpony:

Just like Resident Evil 6 as a spooky survival horror game? Nah. As Call of Duty: Zombie Apocalypse? Yeah its pretty good.

It's really not. In fact, if you compare it to the zombie modes in call of duty it is significantly worse in almost every way.

A friend and I got it knowing it was bad because was wanted to dick around with a coop shooter and still hated it. I forced him to beat ALL of the campaigns because I'm an asshole, and every step of the way we were like "no, there can't possibly be more" but there always was.

If they had cut the game in half and doubled the quality of each section instead it would be...marginally fine, but never good.

Chimpzy:

- Has this 30 second trailer already shown us the best this movie has to offer?

Probably not. There's conspicuously a lack of demons.

- Will sitting through this movie be considered a hellish experience?

Hardy har har.

- Will this supplant Mortal Kombat: Annihilation as the worst video game movie with that particular subtitle?

I'm guessing no. Granted, that is indeed just a guess, but MK: Annihilation is bad on every level concievable. If this is as 'good' as the original Doom movie, then it'll still be better than Annihilation.

Silentpony:

Doom 3 is an underapprieacted game. As a run/gun Doom game? Nah, its bad. As a first person space horror game? Yeah its pretty good.

Kind of this. I get that Doom 3 isn't like the games that came before or after it, and it's become the black sheep of the franchise, but it's actually my favourite Doom game.

trunkage:
Those tax breaks no longer exist, so neither does Uwe.

I think he runs a restaurant or something, with the food actually being pretty good.

Avnger:
This looks like Starship Troopers sequels level of awesomeness. I'm so in.

Which sequels are we talking about?

If you're talking about Hero of the Federation, well, sure, I guess. If we're talking about Marauder, I think that was at least decent, and understood what made the original great, even if it didn't fully succeed in emulating it. As for the CGI ones, can't comment.

Agema:

Incidentally, I quite enjoyed the original Doom movie. It's junk, but a perfectly good popcorn-muncher. I actually thought the Wing Commander movie was decent in the same sort of way, too.

I can understand liking the Doom movie as a brain dead action sci-fi, but IMO, Wing Commander is too bad, and takes itself too seriously, for that to work.

Seriously, watch the 'movie cuts' of Wing Commander III/IV on YouTube and you'd get a better experience than the actual movie. I know I did.

Samtemdo8:

Doom 3 only sucked to people because Half Life 2.

Doom 3>Half-Life 2

Yep, I said it.

Hawki:
I can understand liking the Doom movie as a brain dead action sci-fi, but IMO, Wing Commander is too bad, and takes itself too seriously, for that to work.

In the wider context of post-Star Wars SF B-movies that proliferated through the 80s and 90s, Wing Commander is fine. It's not so much bad as medicore: cliched, cheesy dialogue, and the SFX has all the limitations of a low budget movie.

Dirty Hipsters:

Silentpony:

Just like Resident Evil 6 as a spooky survival horror game? Nah. As Call of Duty: Zombie Apocalypse? Yeah its pretty good.

It's really not. In fact, if you compare it to the zombie modes in call of duty it is significantly worse in almost every way.

A friend and I got it knowing it was bad because was wanted to dick around with a coop shooter and still hated it. I forced him to beat ALL of the campaigns because I'm an asshole, and every step of the way we were like "no, there can't possibly be more" but there always was.

If they had cut the game in half and doubled the quality of each section instead it would be...marginally fine, but never good.

Agreed. All of the Zombie COD modes are better than RE6.

For the new Doom movie, all I have to ask is why? WHHYYYYYYY???? Who the fuck was asking for a sequel to the 2006 movie? No one, that's who! And just like MK Annihilation, "Destroy All Expectations" took another new meaning.

Doom 3 is a great Doom game despite some of its problems. The problem is so many people were used to Doom II . Ironic, because Doom 64 did what Doom 3 did back in 1997. Taking a more Lovecraftian/Hell horror approach. People and certain Doom fans seem to forget that the Doom 1 has a slower pace/build up compared to II. Doom 1 was not exactly the fast paced shooter everyone pretends to remember.

CoCage:

For the new Doom movie, all I have to ask is why? WHHYYYYYYY???? Who the fuck was asking for a sequel to the 2006 movie?

Semantics, but I don't think it's a sequel.

CoCage:
Doom 1 was not exactly the fast paced shooter everyone pretends to remember.

I think that was more down to the Shareware nature of Doom. Episode 1 was paced so as to entice people into springing for the other two episodes, in a kind of 'to be continued' kinda way. If they had front-loaded E1 with all the high-gib weapons (as they did with Doom2) there would have been no incentive for people to dip their hands in their pockets for the rest of the game. E2 and E3 were pretty full on in terms of pacing.

OT - If that trailer is anything to go by this new film is gonna crash. Hard. I didn't even mind the Karl Urban film (in a 'plug in DVD, unplug brain' kinda way) but even taking into account my love of the cheesy B-movie horrorfilm this looks bad.

There's no good movie to be made out of Doom. The series doesn't lend itself to it.

Agema:
That actress looks like she'd have trouble lifting a glock, never mind the BFG-9000. Couldn't they get someone beefier?

Probably, literally, no. Can you think of a single Hollywood actress with that kind of build who's also good enough to carry a movie? Sure, there are women like Gina Carano or Rhonda Rousey who occasionally appear in movies but they're athletes dabbling in acting, not actual actors. They play bit parts because they aren't remotely talented enough for a lead role.

PsychedelicDiamond:
Probably, literally, no. Can you think of a single Hollywood actress with that kind of build who's also good enough to carry a movie? Sure, there are women like Gina Carano or Rhonda Rousey who occasionally appear in movies but they're athletes dabbling in acting, not actual actors. They play bit parts because they aren't remotely talented enough for a lead role.

Jennifer Lopez isn't big, but she's got some impressive muscle definition.

More importantly, though, is who you can get who is cheap, cause it doesn't look like they've blown the budget on this one.

Worgen:
Ugh, why? I mean it doesn't even look like they really gave it a budget, that looks like a cheap cheap movie. Maybe they were about to lose the movie rights to Doom and decided to just crap out something to hold onto them.

I think you spilled the beans right there.

I expect this to go one of two ways:

1) it'll be bad, but ultimately a level of cheesy that actually makes such movies entertaining (Dredd, Punisher: Warzone, [insert third movie here]).

2) It'll be bad and not entertaining at all...

Marik2:
the only good scene in the first doom

A scene that ironically made it feel more like an arcade light-gun shooter than anything else...

PsychedelicDiamond:

Probably, literally, no. Can you think of a single Hollywood actress with that kind of build who's also good enough to carry a movie? Sure, there are women like Gina Carano or Rhonda Rousey who occasionally appear in movies but they're athletes dabbling in acting, not actual actors. They play bit parts because they aren't remotely talented enough for a lead role.

Women with muscles are findable. And if you're doing a shoestring budget B-movie where you're hiring a virtual unknown where there's minimal carry power anyway, you can find one with muscles.

Not having a woman with muscles is more about facile attitudes to what women should look like: no muscle definition even if they're a superwoman who can punch a hole in a sheet of 3" thick steel.

Hawki:

CoCage:

For the new Doom movie, all I have to ask is why? WHHYYYYYYY???? Who the fuck was asking for a sequel to the 2006 movie?

Semantics, but I don't think it's a sequel.

You know what don't care, it can die in a garbage fire (not mad at you, Hawki). I have no plans on seeing the film.

CoCage:

You know what don't care, it can die in a garbage fire

Or hellfire. Amirite?

...I know, that was terrible.

*blink*

Um...am I going nuts, or does the dual pistol wielding at 0:19 seem particularly bad? There's a lot of little things in that one second that are weirding me out, but...I swear the firing effect is happening after the recoil.

Looks awesome I love it.

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