Weird animal sex.

Everyone loves talking about sex, so let's talk about all the really weird ways some creatures reproduce.

Ducks: Ducks are really freaking weird. Apparently they grow a new penis every mating season and the length depends on how many other ducks are around and can be longer than the ducks entire body. The penis and the vagina are both corkscrew shaped but the penis spirals counter-clockwise and the vagina spirals clockwise. The penis is usually tucked away and kind of inflates out extremely fast, in a third of a second! Apparently all this corkscrew nonsense is an evolutionary arms race to fight rape. A third of all mating is rape but only 3% of ducklings are born as a result of a forced mating. Ducks also engage in necrophilia. Weird!

Banana Slugs: These are hermaphrodites and after sex they will sometimes chew off eachother's penises. Sometimes they'll chew off their own penis.

Deep Sea Angler Fish: The males are tiny compared the female. The male will bite onto the females stomach and will basically... grow together. Much of the male will atrophy away such as eyes and fins and their circulatory systems will merge. The male will be provided with nutrients while the female gains a brand new sperm organ. They never separate.

Honey Bees: Unfertilized eggs produce males and fertilized eggs produce females. Males are called drones and do not have stingers, collect nectar, make honey, or do anything really. Their job is to mate with the queen. During mating their penis explodes and is forced up the queens vagina. Apparently this is audible to humans. The drone then dies. During winter the workers(females) will place excess drones outside the nest to freeze to death to conserve food.

Sea Horses: The female deposits her eggs inside of the male where they are then fertilized and carried until birth. A typical birthing will result in 100-1000 baby seahorses, of which less than 0.5% of infants survive to adulthood.

Bed Bugs: The penis is very hard and sharp. The females have some protection for the insertion of the male's instrument but if a male accidentally tries to mate with another male it can impale and kill it's mate.

That's enough for now. Kind of makes you appreciate the relative simplicity of human reproduction and how you don't need to die or chew off your penis to do it. Anybody got anything weirder?

You know what I like? Cheese ball and baloney sandwiches. Those are yum, and I always meet the most interesting people eating them.

So... picture this:

You see a nice lady over there: Healthy, bright, nice shell, about 500 times heavier than you: Perfect. So you swim over, have a nice chat - one thing leads to another, so you rip your "special" tentacle off, and let it wiggle into your new ladyfriend (She knows what to do with it - uses yours, maybe others to cultivate strings of eggsacks in her shell like a garden) ... also since you are clearly not needed anymore you can just go and die. Go champ... (This is what the Argonauts DO, google "ectocotylus" for more info on detachable arms which are also penises)

Silentpony:
You know what I like? Cheese ball and baloney sandwiches. Those are yum, and I always meet the most interesting people eating them.

It was a valiant effort, to be sure, but I fear this thread isn't about to become a talk about delicious sandwiches anytime soon

Squilookle:

Silentpony:
You know what I like? Cheese ball and baloney sandwiches. Those are yum, and I always meet the most interesting people eating them.

It was a valiant effort, to be sure, but I fear this thread isn't about to become a talk about delicious sandwiches anytime soon

Only if they're part of a bizarre mating ritual. Preferably where one or more of the individuals die in the process. That's a very popular aspect of reproduction for many species.

Drathnoxis:

Squilookle:

Silentpony:
You know what I like? Cheese ball and baloney sandwiches. Those are yum, and I always meet the most interesting people eating them.

It was a valiant effort, to be sure, but I fear this thread isn't about to become a talk about delicious sandwiches anytime soon

Only if they're part of a bizarre mating ritual. Preferably where one or more of the individuals die in the process. That's a very popular aspect of reproduction for many species.

Don't google that... or you'll never eat a sandwich again

Squilookle:

Silentpony:
You know what I like? Cheese ball and baloney sandwiches. Those are yum, and I always meet the most interesting people eating them.

It was a valiant effort, to be sure, but I fear this thread isn't about to become a talk about delicious sandwiches anytime soon

Someone had to try. Someone had to remind this forum Sandwiches still exist

Squilookle:

Drathnoxis:

Squilookle:

It was a valiant effort, to be sure, but I fear this thread isn't about to become a talk about delicious sandwiches anytime soon

Only if they're part of a bizarre mating ritual. Preferably where one or more of the individuals die in the process. That's a very popular aspect of reproduction for many species.

Don't google that... or you'll never eat a sandwich again

image

... I thought you were joking...

Antechinus is a genus of small rodent-like marsupials native to Australia. Males reach sexual maturity in slightly under a year. Upon reaching full sexual maturity, males stop producing new sperm, and large amounts of testosterone and corticosteroids are released into their bloodstream. They become extremely sexually aroused, and will become entirely fixated on mating, which they can do for up to fourteen hours at a time. The corticosteroids allow them to better utilise all of their stored energy, which is important as they're too focused on sex to eat, but they also cause the males to become immunocompromised, leading to hair loss, internal bleeding, and gangrene. Within two to three weeks of the start of the mating season, all the males are dead.

So that'll be other people who've seen WTF: 101 I'm assuming

wild west thread

The life of a male bee doesn't seem too bad. You do nothing all day, bang the queen and your dick explodes, the end.

I have to wonder what made you search all this info, though. I remember seeing a documentary once where a lady masturbated a big whale dick but that's about it.

Drathnoxis:

Bed Bugs: The penis is very hard and sharp. The females have some protection for the insertion of the male's instrument but if a male accidentally tries to mate with another male it can impale and kill it's mate.

If I remember correctly, I think the male actually has to puncture the structure that houses the eggs in order to fertilize them which is why it's so uh... hard.

Wintermute:
The life of a male bee doesn't seem too bad. You do nothing all day, bang the queen and your dick explodes, the end.

I have to wonder what made you search all this info, though. I remember seeing a documentary once where a lady masturbated a big whale dick but that's about it.

I don't think I really actively searched for much of this. Kind of just, came across it over the years. I did do a bit of searching to double check some stuff before the thread, though.

Apparently a male Blue Whale, the largest animal on earth, has a penis 12 inches in diameter and 10 feet long, there was a picture where someone had one mounted on their wall. The testes weigh over a hundred pounds. It's estimated that they release around 20L of ejaculation in one go.

However, the Right Whale, though smaller, has testicles 10x the size of the Blue Whale! They weigh over 1000 lbs! I couldn't find a number for the amount of sperm but I think we can assume it will be roughly 10x the amount as well.

Clownfish

A group is lead by a mating pair of a dominant female and male;
When the female is removed (dies), the dominant male becomes the dominant female and the next male moves up.

Puts a different spin on Finding Nemo... Doesn't it?

Octopus

You want to talk about parental instinct? About 40 days after fertilization, the female giant Pacific octopus lays between 10,000 and 70,000 eggs in a cave. They take about 5 months to hatch, during which time their mama stays constantly by their side, guarding and aerating them. She does not feed during this time, and dies shortly after they hatch (the male becomes senile and dies a few weeks after mating). In the words of Zefrank1: "Basically, everything they do is hardcore".

So strange just how many creatures just die after breeding, as if that was the entire purpose to their existence. Seems so pointless.

Asita:
Octopus

You want to talk about parental instinct? About 40 days after fertilization, the female giant Pacific octopus lays between 10,000 and 70,000 eggs in a cave. They take about 5 months to hatch, during which time their mama stays constantly by their side, guarding and aerating them. She does not feed during this time, and dies shortly after they hatch (the male becomes senile and dies a few weeks after mating). In the words of Zefrank1: "Basically, everything they do is hardcore".

Octopuses are amazing! I didn't know they could change colour like that.

Actually that reminds me of something else.

Barnacles: Barnacles have possibly the largest penis to body size ratio of any creature on earth. This is because their shell is firmly fixed onto some surface and they cannot leave their shell. Thus their penis needs to be able to reach waaaaaay out to their neighbor if they are going to have any sex at all.

Drathnoxis:
So strange just how many creatures just die after breeding, as if that was the entire purpose to their existence. Seems so pointless.

Breeding IS the point. If they die after breeding, for them its not pointless at all. It's mission accomplished.

If you guys want some real interesting knowledge on some insects, including their mating habits then you should get the book, 'Life on a Little Known Planet', real good, interesting, and in depth information on several common insects like dragonflies, locusts, bed bugs, and flies.

You know, showing how long I've been on this forum, but this thread makes me remember Danyal.

Drathnoxis:
So strange just how many creatures just die after breeding, as if that was the entire purpose to their existence. Seems so pointless.

If offspring do not require parental care then they will end up competing with their parents.

I'm sure there's a fly out there that, for whatever reason, has a sperm that is longer than the fly itself is. The females of the species have to have labyrinthine coiled reproductive systems to fit it inside them

Squilookle:

Drathnoxis:
So strange just how many creatures just die after breeding, as if that was the entire purpose to their existence. Seems so pointless.

Breeding IS the point. If they die after breeding, for them its not pointless at all. It's mission accomplished.

But like, hmmm, this is hard to explain, but if their whole purpose is to breed so that their kids can breed so that their kids can breed so that their kids can breed... etc. it's like an infinite loop where nothing is accomplished because you're always chasing that one goal that keeps shifting as soon as you achieve it.

09philj:

Drathnoxis:
So strange just how many creatures just die after breeding, as if that was the entire purpose to their existence. Seems so pointless.

If offspring do not require parental care then they will end up competing with their parents.

Hmm, I suppose so.

Gorfias:
Can't be too easy for Porcupines
http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2012/02/how-porcupines-mate/

Golden showers, weird.

LOL.

You had the Big Boss on Staff worried about this thread. Keep it on Topic and it's alright. So far. LOL.

Thaluikhain:
You know, showing how long I've been on this forum, but this thread makes me remember Danyal.

Me, too, Thaluikhain! I was thinking the very same thing.

My contribution to this thread.

image

Basement Cat:
LOL.

You had the Big Boss on Staff worried about this thread. Keep it on Topic and it's alright. So far. LOL.

Thaluikhain:
You know, showing how long I've been on this forum, but this thread makes me remember Danyal.

Me, too, Thaluikhain! I was thinking the very same thing.

My contribution to this thread.

image

That sounds like a risky game to play considering she'd probably end the relationship by eating him if she can.

Drathnoxis:

Bed Bugs: The penis is very hard and sharp. The females have some protection for the insertion of the male's instrument but if a male accidentally tries to mate with another male it can impale and kill it's mate.

Don't give society's residual homophobes ideas.

Drathnoxis:

Honey Bees: Unfertilized eggs produce males and fertilized eggs produce females. Males are called drones and do not have stingers, collect nectar, make honey, or do anything really. Their job is to mate with the queen. During mating their penis explodes and is forced up the queens vagina. Apparently this is audible to humans. The drone then dies. During winter the workers(females) will place excess drones outside the nest to freeze to death to conserve food.

If memory serves correctly, its a popping sound that it makes

Drathnoxis:

Gorfias:
Can't be too easy for Porcupines
http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2012/02/how-porcupines-mate/

Golden showers, weird.

Can you imagine if they ever evolve into human like creatures? I'm sure they'll have interesting lawsuits after they develop courts.

Drathnoxis:
That sounds like a risky game to play considering she'd probably end the relationship by eating him if she can.

I heard it posited that the female kills and eats the male to protect her lineage from too little genetic diversity. He can't mate again if he's dead. Again... think of the future court cases 40 million years from now!

 

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