Can you think of something from Primary Schooling that stuck with you until Today?

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So, I was thinking about who I am as a person, and trying to discern why I am the way I am. I have thoughts like this all the time. For instance, Would I be interested in the rights of all if I wasn't born in a culture that is historically and continually marginalized? Or would I have loved Sports if my dad took me out to games or had the time to play some games outside? In the end, I love British Media just like my dad does, so there's always something to that.

I, as some of you might know, have a fear of women. Not like a phobia. I just feel helpless around them. I'm constantly paranoid around them. A lot of it is the size and the race. I'm 6'2, which is somewhat tall. I get that a woman alone would be afraid of me. But what people don't get is that I'm equally terrified of her. If she gets it in her mind to say something happened... it happened. It's that cut and dry.

And that made me wonder why I think like that. And I remember the first day I actually got that in my head. It was in sixth grade.

I went to a private Christian school. Small classes. Who you had in Kindergarten would be the people you graduated with if you stuck in the class. No changes unless someone moved. So while I wouldn't call these guys friends, I knew them for literally five years.

One day, during recess, a girl we'll name 'L' came to the teacher crying. I wasn't there, so I don't know what actually happened, but the story was that these five guys grouped around her and apparently pulled a button off of her uniform while laughing. Nothing happened because she said she got away, but my teacher had none of it. I remember the rage on her face to this day. I was super glad I didn't go over to play with them that day.

They didn't come back to class. They weren't in class the next day. And since that day was friday, the weekend passed... with them still not back. We didn't see them back until Thursday. And that's when we got the whole story.

We all learned about what L said what happened and the Five swore up and down that it didn't happen. They were suspended. They were interviewed by cops (remember, we were eleven). Since they didn't have anything but their statement, they couldn't charge the kids with anything. Which several parents were enraged with and I think talked to the precinct about it. I don't really remember what happened, but I know the parents were upset of the inaction and the fact that the five were allowed back in the classroom.

But they had punishment. Extra work they had to get done or they would be held back, no recesses, barred from every school trip, added 4 demerits to their record (if I remember correctly, if you get 5 demerits you would be called into the office, and given their current suspension, it would have been enough to get them expelled)... and that's just the stuff the school did. According to them, they WANTED to go to school because they were getting it worse in home.

And that's how life was for them for... I think around three weeks. When our teacher overheard L laughing to her friend that she made the whole thing up to get them in trouble.

One more time. Our teacher was there to hear L state plainly that the whole thing was made up.

I remember L standing in front of Mrs. West's desk with her head hung down. And I remember... not the same fury, but Mrs. West wasn't pleased at all. She called the parents, L confessed. and L got two demerits.

And that was it. Mrs. West apologized to the boys. I think the cops were called and told what happened. But that was it. L wasn't demonized but our teacher didn't really like her much afterwards. I don't remember parents looking at L as they looked at the five. There was nothing in recompense for the punishment the Five received other than removing the suspension and the demerits off their record.

It was like being beat down by a group of people, and someone coming out of the woods like "Yo, that's not the dude"... and those guys going "Yo, my bad. We straight?".

And that made me terrified of women to this day. Not only can they say anything and you are guilty until you got some damn good evidence proving your innocence (and even then, people will still say "Isn't that the guy...?"), but there seemed to be no real downside if the woman is caught. Just a ceremonial tap on the wrist and that's that.

I don't like to be in dark places with women. If there's an elevator where I'm in it an a woman enters or I enter it with just a single woman there, I stand to the opposite corner and pull out my phone and pretend there's nothing more interesting to me than that. And back when I still thought dating was a possibility, I would only progress with the physical act of things if it was traceable that consent was issued. Like texts or if it was overheard that physical romance was allowed.

I'm somewhat calmed down now. Especially with the date-less life I lead now. But the idea of being accused by a woman brings dread like you wouldn't believe.

That's my thing. And these don't have to be as sad as what I shared. If you got happy things that shape who you are, I'm sure we'd love to read those as well.

I guess I remember how to count and spell. And that teachers can be, and often are, bullies who couldn't cut bullying in the real world so they have to do it to kids instead. Kids they avoid eye contact with when those kids are 18. (Seriously, do they think kids just don't grow up?! Kids are massive these days!)

I sometimes hear teachers complaining that it's not the respected profession it once was. I don't think that's 100% something they can put on other people (except, I guess, the people who let people who absolutely shouldn't be teachers be teachers).

That's some shit dude. I wish I could claim I've seen different, but I watched the same kind of thing happen a dozen times at my school. The consequences for the falsely accused was never as extreme as what you talked about, but starting in middle school and going to early high school there was an unspoken rule that girls were not allowed to hang out with the skaters and the rockers. Those guys had been accused of stuff enough times, with it proven to be false at least half the time, that they basically hung a no girls allowed sign at the skate park and never left. I'm not going to claim that they were secretly saints (I hung out with some of them and I saw fucking 200 dollars of blow on a mirror in one of their rooms in a share house after we all finished highschool), but damn if there was a way to make people not trust you.

Thinking back I don't have very many memories that particularly stand out. I do remember a nasty friend break-up that pushed me right out of nerd-dom for a couple years, culminating in seeing the guy in university like six years later and being wholly uninterested in speaking to them. Not out of malice or anger or anything, just kind of "oh they still exist, weird." They messaged me on FB sometime after I noticed them and I think I offered to sell them my old textbooks. They never responded. Not much ever came of that in terms of my lifelong development though.

I guess I do remember a gym teacher I had in school. One of those people the size and shape of a barrel, volume compensating for content. I always just did what he said and watched him treat his own son like shit. We were in the same year and the same class under this guy. Turns out the son had sent a letter to the principal imploring him to not put the son in his dads class. Apparently the principal showed it to the dad, and then they put the son in his dads class. The gym teacher made his sons life hell in exchange and first change he got gym was dropped from his class calendar. I think the dudes an accountant now. I already had questions about how authority figures worked - I was a teenager after all - but this event really cemented in the realization that a title alone doesn't make someone trustworthy, and it absolutely doesn't make someone competent. That gym teacher was a friggin idiot, didn't know the proper rules to most of the sports he taught (my friends thought I was fucking dense the first time I went to play tennis), and was a horrible coach. Ever since then I've gone into most work relationships by immediately distrusting the other people and sniffing out incompetence as quickly as I could. I still got fucked plenty of times, but at least I saw it coming.

I remember most of it, to be honest. Primary school was the bomb for me.

I'm sure. That's what, 7 years of early developmental life? How could that not impact a person?

As to specifics, off the top of my head nothing is coming to mind, but I remember a couple of months ago I was thinking about something that my teacher had told the class that I always thought of as a fact, but then I started wondering if it was actually a hard fact or if it had just been something they had gotten in one of those chain emails that everybody used to send out about "interesting facts" or whatever. I can't remember what it was at the moment, but it just made me think about how much influence a teacher can have.

I only remember a few things from that time. Most of it not that great.

The biggest is about my first teacher, Miss Lieve. I remember her as a pretty blond woman in her late 20's or early 30's, a sweet and motherly type who was stern when she needed to be, but never lost her temper or raised her voice. Everyone basically loved her. Then one monday morning she didn't show up to take us to class and about an hour later the principal came to tell she wouldn't because she had passed away. They didn't tell us how, but that was when I first really learned about death. Wasn't till about a decade later that I heard what had happened. She'd been found dead by the side of the road. Hit & run from a car while cycling home from a party on new year's night. From what I know, they never found the culprit.

I was second place on the honor student list for three consecutive years, until the girl at the first place was transferred to another school. Afterwards I never made it to the list ever again.

ObsidianJones:

It was like being beat down by a group of people, and someone coming out of the woods like "Yo, that's not the dude"... and those guys going "Yo, my bad. We straight?"

Doesn't the Bible say "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor"?

I remember desperately trying to fit it. It was the 90s and all the boys had gelled slick hair from a boyband, loose close, plaid shit, boxers, etc...And I had none of that. And I was made fun of relentless for it. And the few times I did try to fit in, I was made fun of even more for changing to look like them.

So since then I have a knee-jerk negative reaction to pop culture and trends, and I actively try to avoid people who do the 'popular' things at the time. Probably one of the reasons I shun social media, as well as the privacy violations and Russians.

Wow that women thing sounds kinda nutty. Why would women be afraid of you if you're alone? You have to actually do something first lol.

Sounds like a clear case of paranoia to me. Normal people aren't fearful of other people without a good reason. (and no your physical dimensions or appearance doesn't count, unless you're in a sinking boat or something and the fear is you'll make it sink faster)

There's always a chance of a crazy person making insane accusations but living in fear of it will at the very least make you see it everywhere and at the worst even summon it because you'll end up acting more nervous than you need to be and through your body language that can be picked up by other people and make them nervous in turn.

Anyhow, as for primary schooling stuff, I dunno, there's lots of little stories but nothing that I attribute anything of my current self to directly. I do remember this fart version of tag we played, because I had the tendency to fart a lot for some reason back in the day (not sure what it was but it eventually stopped happening lol) so in that game we'd play tag and I'd always chase people and if I caught them I'd fart on them and turn them into "fart zombies" and they'd help me catch the rest. Then if by the end of recess everyone was zombified we won or if someone escaped we lost.

It was this sort of thing where you can either be embarrassed by something and have it traumatize you for the rest of your life or you can turn it into a strength and be empowered by your magical fart powers. Making lemonade out of lemons and all that. (this was like 4th grade-ish I believe btw)

Dreiko:
Wow that women thing sounds kinda nutty. Why would women be afraid of you if you're alone? You have to actually do something first lol.

Sounds like a clear case of paranoia to me. Normal people aren't fearful of other people without a good reason. (and no your physical dimensions or appearance doesn't count, unless you're in a sinking boat or something and the fear is you'll make it sink faster)

There's always a chance of a crazy person making insane accusations but living in fear of it will at the very least make you see it everywhere and at the worst even summon it because you'll end up acting more nervous than you need to be and through your body language that can be picked up by other people and make them nervous in turn.

I know our communication history, but even this is a stretch.

However, I'll just say read this, this, maybe this or just talk to a woman.

No, you don't have to do anything to create fear in someone if they think they can't fight back against you. Sometimes, you just have to be.

I didn't really like primary school. It wasn't terrible but there wasn't much that stood out to me aside from my 4th/5th grade teachers. They were amazing and most of their students got into exam schools or arts academies.

I went to a Spanish bilingual school and it was pretty diverse at first because of some language laws the demographics changed a lot. Before we had a decent mix of white black and latino students but after the law it turned into like 80% Dominican 15% Puerto Rican and 5% other. I was in the other camp, I am half Canadian half Chilean so I sort of stood out along with the other non Dominican kids. Add to that my family was middle class and was raised with very little Chilean culture so I was just a white nerdy kid I wasn't really latino in their eyes. I wasn't really bullied since everyone knew each other so we all got along for the most part. I just didn't have many friends early in my life.

Recess was always weird to me. Most of the guys would play kickball but it usually devolved in to arguing for most of the break since there was no ref. I gravitated towards playing tag with the girls and the few guys who didn't feel the need to conform, it was just more fun than standing around and yelling.

From kindergarten through 5th grade, I went to a very liberal alternative school; we didn't have desks (we sat on the floor, often in a circle, and worked at community tables,) we called many teachers by their first name, we did a lot of reading and group projects, etc. But come 6th grade, I was moved to catholic school which was very alien to me in its rigidity: assigned desks, uniforms, teachers were "Mrs." And "Mr.", and I had homework for the first time, so adjusting took some time.

The biggest adjustment was my homeroom and English teacher, Mrs. Ciccone. This woman was a archetypal mean teacher, like, to a comical extent; she was in her 60s, slender with wrinkled elastic skin, teeth yellowed by years of smoking (I guessed,) she dressed very conservatively preferring ankle-length skirts and blouses that buttoned up to her chin, and she was VERY strict, never afraid to raise her voice to command the room. If you've ever seen a movie with a "mean old lady teacher," you've seen her.

I knew where I stood with her on my second day when I arrived late; I walked into the classroom and quietly took my seat as class had already started. I followed along for a good 10 minutes before she posed a question to the class; I knew the answer and raised hand, Mrs. Ciccone called on me, and I delivered the answer to which she responded "that's correct, but you're in the WRONG class." She said the words slowly and clearly, standing in front of the class with her hands clasped behind her back, looking down her nose. The entire room simmered with the hushed giggling of my new schoolmates as I hung my head and packed up my things to leave the room. She humiliated me for no other reason than to be mean.

For the next 3 years, she continued to be what I felt was extra critical of me and my work despite my making straight A's in her class the whole time. On the day of my 8th grade graduation, my parents asked if I was going to miss the school; I told them I would, but NOT Mrs. Ciccone, and my dad told me that it was strange I felt that way because she'd told him I was her favorite student.

O_o... what?

Apparently, she'd thought I was very bright and she'd enjoyed teaching me; she had high expectations of me, that's why she'd been so strict. She even went on to ask my father how I was doing in school whenever they saw each other in church for the next four years. And here I just knew she hated me...

ObsidianJones:

Dreiko:
Wow that women thing sounds kinda nutty. Why would women be afraid of you if you're alone? You have to actually do something first lol.

Sounds like a clear case of paranoia to me. Normal people aren't fearful of other people without a good reason. (and no your physical dimensions or appearance doesn't count, unless you're in a sinking boat or something and the fear is you'll make it sink faster)

There's always a chance of a crazy person making insane accusations but living in fear of it will at the very least make you see it everywhere and at the worst even summon it because you'll end up acting more nervous than you need to be and through your body language that can be picked up by other people and make them nervous in turn.

I know our communication history, but even this is a stretch.

However, I'll just say read this, this, maybe this or just talk to a woman.

No, you don't have to do anything to create fear in someone if they think they can't fight back against you. Sometimes, you just have to be.

Ok so, this thing you're talking about isn't fear, it's irrational phobic behavior that's actually the person being afraid being absurd. A form of mental illness basically. It's akin to someone freaking out to the point of crying or having heart palpitations when a spider gets on them (hell, I remember people saying they couldn't play skyrim cause it had spider enemies at some point lol, arachnophobia is real but clearly the digital spider won't harm you in the real world). It's not the normal, average reaction one has when that happens.

I'm not saying there's not some psychologically damaged women out there who'd fear you. I'm just saying that that's highly abnormal and not something you need to take for granted as you go about your life.

Trying to paint a picture where everyone shares your mental issues in order to make whatever troubles you into a group-based issue and not just your personal circumstances that lead you to be this way is not rational either.

Dreiko:
I'm just saying that that's highly abnormal

It really, really isn't.

My take away from primary school is that people are shit as kids, and by and large continue on that vector for life.

Elementary school, as we call it in America, I don't remember being as dramatic as the later grades. I was fairly innocent compared to some other kids at the time.
Aside from the obvious taught stuff, I learned not to be brutally honest to your superiors. Telling my second grade teacher to her face that "I wasn't paying attention because i'm thinking a lot about going home and playing video games" didn't grant favorable results. When the lights went dim and the projector was up on the desk, you knew it was about to get reeeaally boring.

Also to trust the internet more than your friends. No, you're 5th grade friend does NOT know some super hidden secret in Kirby Air Ride that the internet doesn't know about.

The other big thing I remember is less of a lesson and more a weird occurrence (that i've probably said on the forum at least once already). From kindergarten to second grade there were these two Asian twins (I was too young to know any details) that I remember considering as school-friends, not full friends, but you'd eat lunch with them. Then in Second Grade, i only remember something about the teacher, the principle, a HUGE bag of multicolored pills, and that it was related to the twins. Never saw the twins again after that day. Still curious about what happened.

Middle school on the other hand is a huge bag of problems that'd require its own thread to get into, so I won't.

ObsidianJones:
So, I was thinking about who I am as a person, and trying to discern why I am the way I am. I have thoughts like this all the time. For instance, Would I be interested in the rights of all if I wasn't born in a culture that is historically and continually marginalized? Or would I have loved Sports if my dad took me out to games or had the time to play some games outside? In the end, I love British Media just like my dad does, so there's always something to that.

I, as some of you might know, have a fear of women. Not like a phobia. I just feel helpless around them. I'm constantly paranoid around them. A lot of it is the size and the race. I'm 6'2, which is somewhat tall. I get that a woman alone would be afraid of me. But what people don't get is that I'm equally terrified of her. If she gets it in her mind to say something happened... it happened. It's that cut and dry.

And that made me wonder why I think like that. And I remember the first day I actually got that in my head. It was in sixth grade.

I went to a private Christian school. Small classes. Who you had in Kindergarten would be the people you graduated with if you stuck in the class. No changes unless someone moved. So while I wouldn't call these guys friends, I knew them for literally five years.

One day, during recess, a girl we'll name 'L' came to the teacher crying. I wasn't there, so I don't know what actually happened, but the story was that these five guys grouped around her and apparently pulled a button off of her uniform while laughing. Nothing happened because she said she got away, but my teacher had none of it. I remember the rage on her face to this day. I was super glad I didn't go over to play with them that day.

They didn't come back to class. They weren't in class the next day. And since that day was friday, the weekend passed... with them still not back. We didn't see them back until Thursday. And that's when we got the whole story.

We all learned about what L said what happened and the Five swore up and down that it didn't happen. They were suspended. They were interviewed by cops (remember, we were eleven). Since they didn't have anything but their statement, they couldn't charge the kids with anything. Which several parents were enraged with and I think talked to the precinct about it. I don't really remember what happened, but I know the parents were upset of the inaction and the fact that the five were allowed back in the classroom.

But they had punishment. Extra work they had to get done or they would be held back, no recesses, barred from every school trip, added 4 demerits to their record (if I remember correctly, if you get 5 demerits you would be called into the office, and given their current suspension, it would have been enough to get them expelled)... and that's just the stuff the school did. According to them, they WANTED to go to school because they were getting it worse in home.

And that's how life was for them for... I think around three weeks. When our teacher overheard L laughing to her friend that she made the whole thing up to get them in trouble.

One more time. Our teacher was there to hear L state plainly that the whole thing was made up.

I remember L standing in front of Mrs. West's desk with her head hung down. And I remember... not the same fury, but Mrs. West wasn't pleased at all. She called the parents, L confessed. and L got two demerits.

And that was it. Mrs. West apologized to the boys. I think the cops were called and told what happened. But that was it. L wasn't demonized but our teacher didn't really like her much afterwards. I don't remember parents looking at L as they looked at the five. There was nothing in recompense for the punishment the Five received other than removing the suspension and the demerits off their record.

It was like being beat down by a group of people, and someone coming out of the woods like "Yo, that's not the dude"... and those guys going "Yo, my bad. We straight?".

And that made me terrified of women to this day. Not only can they say anything and you are guilty until you got some damn good evidence proving your innocence (and even then, people will still say "Isn't that the guy...?"), but there seemed to be no real downside if the woman is caught. Just a ceremonial tap on the wrist and that's that.

I don't like to be in dark places with women. If there's an elevator where I'm in it an a woman enters or I enter it with just a single woman there, I stand to the opposite corner and pull out my phone and pretend there's nothing more interesting to me than that. And back when I still thought dating was a possibility, I would only progress with the physical act of things if it was traceable that consent was issued. Like texts or if it was overheard that physical romance was allowed.

I'm somewhat calmed down now. Especially with the date-less life I lead now. But the idea of being accused by a woman brings dread like you wouldn't believe.

That's my thing. And these don't have to be as sad as what I shared. If you got happy things that shape who you are, I'm sure we'd love to read those as well.

Everytime i read your posts like this, I feel you could summarise your frustration with this

Gordon_4:
My take away from primary school is that people are shit as kids, and by and large continue on that vector for life.

Do they become primary school teachers?

OP, sorry this messed you up.

THe biggest thing for me was my Dad's cancer. Essentialy he developed a rare cancer call Synovial cell sarcoma. It started as a muscle in the groin area that tore and didn't heal right, then grew back cancerous. He had his first cancer surgery when I was five or six. His leg would be amputated from the cancer returning when I was 10 and in the 4th grade. It moved to the lungs when I was 13 and in 7th.

Dreiko:
Ok so, this thing you're talking about isn't fear, it's irrational phobic behavior that's actually the person being afraid being absurd. A form of mental illness basically. It's akin to someone freaking out to the point of crying or having heart palpitations when a spider gets on them (hell, I remember people saying they couldn't play skyrim cause it had spider enemies at some point lol, arachnophobia is real but clearly the digital spider won't harm you in the real world). It's not the normal, average reaction one has when that happens.

I'm not saying there's not some psychologically damaged women out there who'd fear you. I'm just saying that that's highly abnormal and not something you need to take for granted as you go about your life.

Trying to paint a picture where everyone shares your mental issues in order to make whatever troubles you into a group-based issue and not just your personal circumstances that lead you to be this way is not rational either.

You tend to look at my experiences that you freely admit you've never truly experienced yourself, but try to convince me that my history is somehow wrong or that I took the wrong lesson from this.

I think you're doing this out of kindness, and I can appreciate that. But you have to understand as I just picked a minute fraction of similar feelings here on the internet, and as others on this very forum have expressed similar experiences (one in this very thread)... do you think it's about time you might do some self reflection and understand that you might not have the same similar experiences of people in your living complex, or your neighborhood, or your town or city, your county, your state, and your country? What's "abnormal" for you and yours is other people's 24/7.

And to constantly judge other people's realities to your own short changes everyone, especially yourself.

Gordon_4:
Everytime i read your posts like this, I feel you could summarise your frustration with this

All I want to do is laugh because I have had that happened to me.

saint of m:
OP, sorry this messed you up.

THe biggest thing for me was my Dad's cancer. Essentialy he developed a rare cancer call Synovial cell sarcoma. It started as a muscle in the groin area that tore and didn't heal right, then grew back cancerous. He had his first cancer surgery when I was five or six. His leg would be amputated from the cancer returning when I was 10 and in the 4th grade. It moved to the lungs when I was 13 and in 7th.

Of course my experience pales to what you've gone through. My honest condolences to you and your family for going through such a devastating time. Did your fellow classmates help you out, or did you keep that information to yourself?

ObsidianJones:

Dreiko:
Ok so, this thing you're talking about isn't fear, it's irrational phobic behavior that's actually the person being afraid being absurd. A form of mental illness basically. It's akin to someone freaking out to the point of crying or having heart palpitations when a spider gets on them (hell, I remember people saying they couldn't play skyrim cause it had spider enemies at some point lol, arachnophobia is real but clearly the digital spider won't harm you in the real world). It's not the normal, average reaction one has when that happens.

I'm not saying there's not some psychologically damaged women out there who'd fear you. I'm just saying that that's highly abnormal and not something you need to take for granted as you go about your life.

Trying to paint a picture where everyone shares your mental issues in order to make whatever troubles you into a group-based issue and not just your personal circumstances that lead you to be this way is not rational either.

You tend to look at my experiences that you freely admit you've never truly experienced yourself, but try to convince me that my history is somehow wrong or that I took the wrong lesson from this.

I think you're doing this out of kindness, and I can appreciate that. But you have to understand as I just picked a minute fraction of similar feelings here on the internet, and as others on this very forum have expressed similar experiences (one in this very thread)... do you think it's about time you might do some self reflection and understand that you might not have the same similar experiences of people in your living complex, or your neighborhood, or your town or city, your county, your state, and your country? What's "abnormal" for you and yours is other people's 24/7.

And to constantly judge other people's realities to your own short changes everyone, especially yourself.

You're just giving me anecdotes that go against common sense. You can cherrypick people who have issues or ideas everywhere and most people who don't have issues don't write articles or do research about the issues they're not having. Again, I'm not saying there's not some people who'd fear anyone for any reason, including being tall and muscular (in my case I have those traits and also epic metal hair and a very very foreign sounding name haha), I'm just saying that that's really not the default situation and in 99% of cases people are just easygoing and having a good time living life without issue.

If you don't go into a situation predetermined to find how it causes issues, you will find that most situations have no issues to begin with. This is kinda why the notion of microaggressions (this is kind of a tangent but it came to me so I'm going with it haha) is poisonous, because it turns innocuous behavior into maybe-microaggression, where people begin to doubt themselves and whether or not they were being mean in some insane twisted interpretation of their behavior that could still be technically plausible given the infinity of experience.

Just because you can't 100% rule out something doesn't mean that it has a noteworthy chance of actually occurring.

Dreiko:
You're just giving me anecdotes that go against common sense. You can cherrypick people who have issues or ideas everywhere and most people who don't have issues don't write articles or do research about the issues they're not having. Again, I'm not saying there's not some people who'd fear anyone for any reason, including being tall and muscular (in my case I have those traits and also epic metal hair and a very very foreign sounding name haha), I'm just saying that that's really not the default situation and in 99% of cases people are just easygoing and having a good time living life without issue.

If you don't go into a situation predetermined to find how it causes issues, you will find that most situations have no issues to begin with. This is kinda why the notion of microaggressions (this is kind of a tangent but it came to me so I'm going with it haha) is poisonous, because it turns innocuous behavior into maybe-microaggression, where people begin to doubt themselves and whether or not they were being mean in some insane twisted interpretation of their behavior that could still be technically plausible given the infinity of experience.

Just because you can't 100% rule out something doesn't mean that it has a noteworthy chance of actually occurring.

The problem is, which you'll probably explain off, is that it happens to me frequently. As I said.

The shocked look when I enter the Elevator. The unique focus an officer gives me when I enter a 7-11 or when he or she enters it. The panicked stop when it's late at night and a woman sees that I'm the only other person on the side walk, so I give her wide berth to let her know that I'm not interested in her. The silence that two chatty girls adopt when they notice me. These happen. I lived them. I do not have anything to gain to make up a story of which I would get internet sympathy. I'm recounting my life. And that isn't up for debate.

Seriously, why are you so obsessed in critiquing my life experiences if you a.) don't believe my 'anecdotes' or b.) consider the words of others 'cherry picking'? You can easily just shrug and not engage me. I don't believe either of us come off looking that good in each other's eyes. Why continue then? Nothing you say will cause me to look over the cops stopping me, the nervous clutching of purses, the attempts of locking doors when I'm noticed (even when the doors are already locked). And nothing I'll say will make you view them all as coincidences that I'm reading too much into.

These interactions are wasted. You are not the arbiter of plausible life experiences. No one is. All anyone can do is relate what has happened to them. These things don't happen to you. I'm very happy that's the case. However, I do not judge what your life experiences are. And you are simply not in the position to judge mine or to rate what has actually happened to me as One-offs. Because they are not.

Say your piece, but I've said everything I'm going to say on this matter.

ObsidianJones:

Dreiko:
You're just giving me anecdotes that go against common sense. You can cherrypick people who have issues or ideas everywhere and most people who don't have issues don't write articles or do research about the issues they're not having. Again, I'm not saying there's not some people who'd fear anyone for any reason, including being tall and muscular (in my case I have those traits and also epic metal hair and a very very foreign sounding name haha), I'm just saying that that's really not the default situation and in 99% of cases people are just easygoing and having a good time living life without issue.

If you don't go into a situation predetermined to find how it causes issues, you will find that most situations have no issues to begin with. This is kinda why the notion of microaggressions (this is kind of a tangent but it came to me so I'm going with it haha) is poisonous, because it turns innocuous behavior into maybe-microaggression, where people begin to doubt themselves and whether or not they were being mean in some insane twisted interpretation of their behavior that could still be technically plausible given the infinity of experience.

Just because you can't 100% rule out something doesn't mean that it has a noteworthy chance of actually occurring.

The problem is, which you'll probably explain off, is that it happens to me frequently. As I said.

The shocked look when I enter the Elevator. The unique focus an officer gives me when I enter a 7-11 or when he or she enters it. The panicked stop when it's late at night and a woman sees that I'm the only other person on the side walk, so I give her wide berth to let her know that I'm not interested in her. The silence that two chatty girls adopt when they notice me. These happen. I lived them. I do not have anything to gain to make up a story of which I would get internet sympathy. I'm recounting my life. And that isn't up for debate.

Seriously, why are you so obsessed in critiquing my life experiences if you a.) don't believe my 'anecdotes' or b.) consider the words of others 'cherry picking'? You can easily just shrug and not engage me. I don't believe either of us come off looking that good in each other's eyes. Why continue then? Nothing you say will cause me to look over the cops stopping me, the nervous clutching of purses, the attempts of locking doors when I'm noticed (even when the doors are already locked). And nothing I'll say will make you view them all as coincidences that I'm reading too much into.

These interactions are wasted. You are not the arbiter of plausible life experiences. No one is. All anyone can do is relate what has happened to them. These things don't happen to you. I'm very happy that's the case. However, I do not judge what your life experiences are. And you are simply not in the position to judge mine or to rate what has actually happened to me as One-offs. Because they are not.

Say your piece, but I've said everything I'm going to say on this matter.

See, my point isn't that these things don't happen to you, or hell, even to me for that matter.

My point is that since I don't go LOOKING for people's discomfort and just mind my business, there's never any situation where I'm feeling like I need to mind how people are clutching their purse or silencing their conversation (if they in fact are doing these things, I definitely don't recall such an event haha).

But yeah, even if I were to notice such behavior, I think the rational act there is to think "wow, such weirdos, what's up with them", not "man, I'm terrifying, I'll have to reduce my natural way of existing for the sake of random people's comfort".

People being afraid of you is THEIR problem if you're not doing anything wrong. Not your problem. In making it your problem you're throwing under the bus everyone who is in your shoes (loosely speaking) but doesn't act in this very tepid way when in these situations, as though they're somehow inconsiderate and less empathetic, when in fact you're the one who is being neurotic and over-attentive.

@ObsidianJones: I don't think we can compare and do eachother justice. We have struggles that might drive one person insane is another person's normal. You are afraid of women, I am afraid of needles, and my mom is afraid of snakes. Its life.

ObsidianJones:

The shocked look when I enter the Elevator. The unique focus an officer gives me when I enter a 7-11 or when he or she enters it. The panicked stop when it's late at night and a woman sees that I'm the only other person on the side walk, so I give her wide berth to let her know that I'm not interested in her. The silence that two chatty girls adopt when they notice me. These happen. I lived them. I do not have anything to gain to make up a story of which I would get internet sympathy. I'm recounting my life. And that isn't up for debate.

That's not really normal tbh. Maybe you unconsciously give off a weird/creepy vibe or have threatening body language or whatever? Worth asking someone you trust. Could be you are so pre-occuppied with what others think that you start to behave in ways that attract exactly the kind of negative attention you don't want. Happens often. Primarily by being stuck in past hang-ups or reliving trauma.

stroopwafel:

ObsidianJones:

The shocked look when I enter the Elevator. The unique focus an officer gives me when I enter a 7-11 or when he or she enters it. The panicked stop when it's late at night and a woman sees that I'm the only other person on the side walk, so I give her wide berth to let her know that I'm not interested in her. The silence that two chatty girls adopt when they notice me. These happen. I lived them. I do not have anything to gain to make up a story of which I would get internet sympathy. I'm recounting my life. And that isn't up for debate.

That's not really normal tbh. Maybe you unconsciously give off a weird/creepy vibe or have threatening body language or whatever? Worth asking someone you trust. Could be you are so pre-occuppied with what others think that you start to behave in ways that attract exactly the kind of negative attention you don't want. Happens often. Primarily by being stuck in past hang-ups or reliving trauma.

This is basically exactly what I said a couple posts up too lol.

stroopwafel:

ObsidianJones:

The shocked look when I enter the Elevator. The unique focus an officer gives me when I enter a 7-11 or when he or she enters it. The panicked stop when it's late at night and a woman sees that I'm the only other person on the side walk, so I give her wide berth to let her know that I'm not interested in her. The silence that two chatty girls adopt when they notice me. These happen. I lived them. I do not have anything to gain to make up a story of which I would get internet sympathy. I'm recounting my life. And that isn't up for debate.

That's not really normal tbh. Maybe you unconsciously give off a weird/creepy vibe or have threatening body language or whatever? Worth asking someone you trust. Could be you are so pre-occuppied with what others think that you start to behave in ways that attract exactly the kind of negative attention you don't want. Happens often. Primarily by being stuck in past hang-ups or reliving trauma.

Really? It's not normal? Have you not been playing attention to the last couple of years? It's literally being documented how certain women have been calling cops on people who look like me because said women pre-emptively accosted someone, say they "feel threatened", or they are simply vengeful.

It's not up to me to prove or justify people's treatment of people who look like me. I simply report it. You don't have to look "weird" or "creepy" or "threatening" when you wear the threatening colors.

It's completely normal for certain people. Whether you want to accept that or not is up to you. But that doesn't make it any less true for those who have to live that reality.

Yikes, sorry to hear that.

As someone with Autism, I spent first and second grade in special ed classes. Then in third grade, one of the regular teachers, Mrs. Cojerian, decided to let me into her class full time. And I've been in mainstream classes ever since (except in math, but I was never good at that...)

I also remember my entire 5th grade going to The Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, and going up to the base of the former with my mom and a friend. There, my mom took a photo of the New York skyline.

I say this because the trip was in early 2001. Several months later... yeah.

ObsidianJones:

Really? It's not normal? Have you not been playing attention to the last couple of years? It's literally being documented how certain women have been calling cops on people who look like me because said women pre-emptively accosted someone, say they "feel threatened", or they are simply vengeful.

It's not up to me to prove or justify people's treatment of people who look like me. I simply report it. You don't have to look "weird" or "creepy" or "threatening" when you wear the threatening colors.

It's completely normal for certain people. Whether you want to accept that or not is up to you. But that doesn't make it any less true for those who have to live that reality.

I went through something similar to you due to a nasty falling out I had with a friend group. I would get pretty paranoid when people are laughing or talking in a certain tone around me. I wonder if they are saying things about me behind my back, fortunately its mostly gone away with age but it flairs up now and then. I find talking myself through how irrational I was being helped me. I know your situation is a bit different and this took a lot of practice but it helps me a lot when ever I get anxious.

Kids are immoral assholes, they'll lie, cheat, steal, smoke crack etc etc. They don't give a shit, especially if they're not taught to. If it's any consolation, my sis lied to her primary school teachers about our mum having a baby then murdering it, which was apparently an awkward meeting that was swiftly corrected luckily without police intervention. And I remember lying around similar age about being hit in the head cause I was too scared to admit to parents I didn't wear a seatbelt in a school bus. That was also quickly corrected and without police intervention. But that was just the tip of the iceberg of unwholesome behaviour.

Anyway, to answer the question in quickest, honestest form, let's seeeee... suicidal depression, alcoholism (don't ask), anxiety, abuse, self-destructive compulsions, inability to cope with friendship and an inability to ever feel what others call "home." Wish there was something upbeat to add to the cocktail. Childhood is wonderful! Though been seriously wondering if that's why nostalgia isn't really an emotion I experience like others do, if nostalgia is dependent on positive memories and the brain doesn't have the necessary emotional strings to pull on to stimulate those areas, it seems like a possible explanation as to why I stare blankly at others losing themselves in their own fuzzy formative recollections.

I could go off on a long, depressing tangent about how primary school was Lord of the Flies but with Country Dancing, shin-skinning concrete benches and CRT TVs heavy enough to kill a child, but one of the things that stays with me from that age is the dangerous combination of young children being absolute sponges for information, and the class teacher being the ultimate authority.

Case in point, I had an otherwise very lovely and matronly older lady teacher who once incorrectly told us that the "DC" in Washington DC stood for "District Council". I unquestioningly believed that factoid well into my 20s.

The only two things of importance school taught me was this:

1. The vast majority of people are dicks and thus I should avoid people whenever possible.

2. The vast majority of what I was taught in school was completely pointless, not only to me but to nearly everybody.

My 3rd grade teacher had a great soothing voice and would read to the whole class. She gave me asmr way before I knew what that was.

The only thing I remember learning was that violence is okay. My bully was the piglet son of the Vice Principle, a single mother, who thought her little hellspawn was Christ reborn, and I, a non-Catholic in a Catholic school, was a lying heathen jealous of Piglet's place in the world.

And he picked on me something fierce. Like taking the litter out of the gerbil cage and blowing it in my face to try to start an asthma attack. I have a scar on my hand from when he straight up stabbed me with a pen, hoping I get poisoned from the ink. Mommy Dearest said it was an accident and I need to man up about a little blood.

Dad told me fight back. Never take anything laying down, I would never be in trouble at home. Don't get expelled, but don't be a victim. My crowning achievement was kicking him so hard in the chest he could barely breathe, his mom threatened to have me expelled except my friend confirmed my side of the story, suspended for a few days, and dad took me to McDonalds for ice cream. He didn't bully me quiet as hard after that, but we usually had Mass every Friday and VP bitch mom threatened to resign if I was allowed in the Chapel. So every Friday I got an hour long study hall.

I do remember the most hurtful thing she ever said was only Catholic pets go to Heaven, and my 'mutt' would never be allowed in. But Mrs Bitch, I can tell you my little Biscuit is up there waiting for me.

Silentpony:
The only thing I remember learning was that violence is okay. My bully was the piglet son of the Vice Principle, a single mother, who thought her little hellspawn was Christ reborn, and I, a non-Catholic in a Catholic school, was a lying heathen jealous of Piglet's place in the world.

And he picked on me something fierce. Like taking the litter out of the gerbil cage and blowing it in my face to try to start an asthma attack. I have a scar on my hand from when he straight up stabbed me with a pen, hoping I get poisoned from the ink. Mommy Dearest said it was an accident and I need to man up about a little blood.

Dad told me fight back. Never take anything laying down, I would never be in trouble at home. Don't get expelled, but don't be a victim. My crowning achievement was kicking him so hard in the chest he could barely breathe, his mom threatened to have me expelled except my friend confirmed my side of the story, suspended for a few days, and dad took me to McDonalds for ice cream. He didn't bully me quiet as hard after that, but we usually had Mass every Friday and VP bitch mom threatened to resign if I was allowed in the Chapel. So every Friday I got an hour long study hall.

I do remember the most hurtful thing she ever said was only Catholic pets go to Heaven, and my 'mutt' would never be allowed in. But Mrs Bitch, I can tell you my little Biscuit is up there waiting for me.

This is horrific.

I do not understand parents like this. I wasn't exactly the apple of my parents' eyes, but they cared about me a good deal. They praised me when I did good, and they let me surely know when I did bad. I do not understand casting a blind eye to your children and letting them become monsters just because you produced them.

Just because they produced them, if anything, you owe them in terms of bringing them up in reality. You won't be the Vice Principal of everything that child does. He wasn't untouchable everywhere. I'm sure he was in for a rude awakening when he left that school.

Dude, I'm very sorry you had to go through that. It's a lot like some situations I went through. I remember when I grew up, TV and the 'good teachers' would always say all you needed to do was get an adult and things would be fine. But what TV and 'Good teachers' never explained is that they were biased as hell. And if they happened to think the world of your tormentor, they would label you a liar and turn on you just as hard as your bullies.

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