Crazy Girlfriend/Boyfriend stories anyone?

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MystryMeet:

ReservoirAngel:

Yeah. She's like the local in-joke in and of herself. Everything she does seems to end up backfiring horribly on her. It's glorious.

Like when she tried to spite me by breaking me and Jordan up and wound up looking like a professional whore in front of her friends. That was a good weekend. haha

lmao sounds like a great weekend. Have someone as crazy as that being made fun of. Divine retribution.

She's not my girlfriend so I don't wanna clog up this thread with stories of her fails, but if you want me to expand upon her repeated failures (or those of other people in my life, they all have lots of them), I'd be happy to over pm. I never tire of telling stories like this.

Crazy girlfriend stories. Oh yes, being that I am a person pathologically attracted to crazy women. A couple stand out. I'll start out with one:

Jamaican Crazy:
I come from South African extraction originally (though I was born in Canada) and arrogantly believed my peeps had the market cornered on racial neurosis. After all, I ("black" in North American terms) have close relatives who looked down on "Africans" and "blacks" and a cousin who once came to my sister's wedding and tried to impress a Finnish woman in attendance by telling her that he liked his women like his coffee: "White, and sweet." Actual wording.

Then I started dating a Jamaican woman.

An absolute beauty, by the way, and a remarkable, intelligent, strong woman in many ways; I don't want this story interpreted as a total diss on her. She had lots of redeeming qualities. Nevertheless, neurotic. It turns out that at least as her family went, racial neurosis came in two flavors: "I've-discovered-my-Africanness" neurosis, and "get-thee-hence-thou-nappy-headed-scum" neurosis.

My gf was flavor number one. Having discovered she was "progressive" politically, she had also decided to embrace her African side. I turned out to be part of this. She at first became interested in me because I'd never shown interest in her (she was, and rightly, accustomed to being approached rather than doing the approaching), but became conclusively interested in me on account of my being South African and thus an "African guy." We had some nice times together but the sex was surprisingly awful, because she insisted on double-bagging and spermicidal jelly -- also a not-uncommon habit of white women sleeping with a "black" man to piss off their daddies, as I'd learned in Junior High and High School -- which required a thoroughly an invariably boner-killing pre-sex process. (At least for me; my spice is spontaneity, meaning you need one condom and nothing more.)

My first hint of the depth of her family neurosis came through her sister, who on learning I was dating her insisted on quizzing me (by phone from Edmonton) on my worthiness to date her sister as an "African guy" and whether I was really planning to rape and abuse her. In the course of things there were further hints: she talked a lot about her dad, for instance, who was a Jamaican Army man (the Jamaican Army is a lot like an enormous, really well-armed street gang), and who would not approve of her dating an African man even if he was "browning" (meaning colored, mulatto, mixed-race, which I happen to be).

One of the most bizarre things, though, came when she told me about her relationships with her white girlfriends. She proudly recounted to me how she liked to take these girls out to the clubs on reggae nights, with a club full of black men, and abandon them to their own devices for a few hours and see how they do. When I was aghast -- because I felt, and still feel, that abandoning your female friends without support in a nightclub is a deeply irresponsible act regardless of the racial context -- she laughed and asked if she'd "shocked" me. Well yes. She had.

Well if I put the general female craziness and their devotion to the teaching of non-logic I really haven't got many stories.

There was one girl who flirted with my friends when she was mad at me for something... ya that was a wack job, then days later she would explode in a hailstorm of fury as I didn't manage to make right the thing she didn't tell me was wrong...

Then there was one who picked fights when she was bored, and not just with me, her family and friends got the same sort of treatment.
She would just accuse people of something and as they defended themselves she would just go ape shit over everything, and I wasn't just lashed for my mistakes I also had to answer for her past boyfriends, because clearly are guys are the same...

And I'll add one of my friends gf, before they got together she was just the sweetest thing imaginable, you spent 5 minutes with that girl and you were floating on air.
But when they got together the horns came out, it's like Beelzebub himself took her over, she became the bitchiest, meanest, foul tongued creature to ever crawl the earth.
And her life goal seems to be grinding her partner into mush with nothing but words, every word he speaks and everything he ever does is turned against him to tear him apart.
And I'm not writing his words, he doesn't even bloody see it, his eyes just turned blank and he will maintain howmuch they love eachother...

First post ever:
I had/have been kind of on and off with this girl for almost a year now. When we first hung out she was always saying things like "I like you. I'm just worried you're going to end up with your ex again and I'll get hurt." Because she and I started talking very shortly after my ex and I broke up. I was kind of feeling her, and then I found out I was just one of a few dudes she was banging (Including one dude I play DnD with.)

So I backed up a bit and we didn't talk much. We'd hang out once every month or so, but I always kept walls built between us so I didn't get burned. Before too long, I started to trust her again and we started hanging out more and more. One night she tells me that she is coming to the night club I work at to see me. I get her and her friends for free and we talk a bit. Later on, I see her sitting on the lap of/making out with one of the guys she rolled in with. I walk up to her and basically tell her that I know she isn't committed to me in any way, but picking up dudes at the bar I work at is a dick move. She spends literally the ENTIRE night following me around the club crying and trying to talk to me as I just kept trying to avoid her.

Eventually that all got sorted out as best it could and we start hanging out again. I was going for a 2 week vacation to Melbourne and right before I left, she told me she wanted to be my "official" girlfriend and I told her I liked her, but I wanted to take it slow so I could regain the trust that had been lost after all this shit happened. She tells me that wasn't good enough and we weren't going to hang out anymore. I'm bummed, but decide to let it go.

Then when I get to Australia she tells me via Facebook that she wasn't serious when she said she didn't want to see me anymore and she was still into me, blah blah blah. I leave it at "We'll talk when I am home." The next time I talk to her, she tells me that she is going to sleep with other dudes while I am gone because I can't expect her to commit to me when I am not ready to commit to her. I tell her I think that is fair and decide we'll talk when I get home in a few weeks. THEN I talk to her THE NEXT DAY and she tells me she has to tell me some bad news and that I am going to be hurt. I ask her what it was and she tells me she would tell me on Tuesday (This was on Saturday.)

Tuesday comes along and she doesn't contact me. I message her on Facebook and she doesn't reply. I tried to message her a few more times while in Melbourne and she ignores them all. When I get home I text her and try to Facebook her and she doesn't reply again. I message her saying that if she didn't get back to me by the next day I was just going to delete her off Facebook and continue on with life. She ignores it and I delete her.

A month or 2 later I see her at the club I work at again and I tell her I am not mad, but I wanted an explanation of what happened. She tells me that she started seeing her ex again, but it didn't work out and she missed me. Then she spent the rest of the night trying to kiss me and I spent the rest of the night avoiding her.

Also, she had this weird obsession with doing it in public places and would give me dome any time I drove anywhere that part was cool.

Sorry, that was a stupid long story and it isn't that interesting.

MikeBrownYo:
snip.

Hell no dude that was very interesting!
Unfortunately(or fortunately?) I have no stories to contribute myself.

Some girl I was going out with a while back with prehaps the most batshit insane family I have ever met in my life so let me elaborate. Before we started going out she seemd normal if not a little self absorbed but about a month or so after we started going out that's when things started popping up, while I knew her step dad was a drinker I didn't know it was this bad. One night we got back to her place after going to the movies we walk through into the living room and there he was sprawled on the sofa with beer cans crushed and thrown all over the place and the only thing on the tv was a blue screen, at that point I just looked at her and said we should watch tv upstairs. Now onto her mother.

The night I spent over her house that new years gave me more clues I should gtfo of dodge was when we were all in the living room, nothing particularly exciting was happening then out of nowhere her mother who was sitting on the floor at the time looked over and decided to smell my feet, while she made no comment I was just thinking to myself what the hell just happend right now while my ex was in a huge fit of laughter. But now is the best part.

On a night I was out with my ex she was acting rather strange but I didn't think anything of it since she was talking just fine but her attention seemed place everywhere else. As conversation progressed she was telling me about her dad (not step dad) now I had met this guy before and he was a really nice guy he was re married and had the two most adorable kids you would have ever seen. Well she was telling me that she never got on with him as a kid and one day after a huge argument she decided to throw a firework under his bloody car! The next day I asked her why she decided to tell me that and she told me straight up she has stolen some of her managers pain medication and took them while she was at work.

Needless to say we wern't together very long and after we broke up I found out from a friend of hers that her step dad was an alcoholic, her mother was suffering from deppresion and she was a bloody schizophrenic. I can safely say i've dodged a huge bullet with this one.

I had one really clingy boyfriend back in highschool, though that "relationship" was short lived.

We had only been going out for a couple of days when he whipped out the L-word, and although I know that's probably fairly standard for a high school relationship, I still felt that was way too soon. The added irony was that he said, "I love you, Kiersten", when my name is actually "Kristin"... Yes. That's true love right there.

Four days into the relationship he started telling that he heard my family was rich and he wanted presents from me, like fancy shirts and stuff. He wasn't kidding, he really wanted me to buy him a bunch of stuff like some sort of teenage sugar mama.

I finally broke up with him around day seven (a very awkward breakup. It took an hour to convince him it was actually over and we weren't just "on a break"), and in the month following the breakup, he sent me texts telling me he was going to egg my house, asking me what I wanted for Christmas, and sending me song lyrics he had written about me. All this despite having gotten a new girlfriend within days of me breaking up with him.

High school, man. Weird shit.

zombiejoe:
Any crazy girlfriend stories or crazy boyfriend stories?

Never had a girlfriend! Isn't that so crazy?!

If I were to ever enter into a romantic relationship - which is frankly a near-impossibility - I'd most likely be the crazy one. Not in an aggressive or dangerous way, but in a crippling self-esteem way which would make any relationship last less than a week because I'd be frightened that I'd creeped the woman out. Given that 90% or more of women see me as some sort of blithering idiot - or worse, a repulsive monster - this is something that plays on my mind a lot.

There are three things which frighten me profoundly. Two of those are trench warfare and nuclear war. The third is any sort of romantic interaction. That's how terrified you've made me, women.

Crazy stories... not really, fucked up, maybe...

I'm schizophrenic, major depressive and have schizoid personality disorder (overlapping symptoms with schizophrenia, so the psychs decided to diagnose both until they truly twigged what I have)...

First relationship (and bear in mind I was eleven when we started going out, she was twelve)
Part 1: her brother was the biggest racist ever, to put it politely, but she was very nice and kept him well out of things. However, things naturally came to a head, we got into a massive fight and he beat the shit out of me (three years older, what can you do?). He was censured for it and we never saw each other since.

Part 2: I was going through one of my manic phases (the worst one I went through as it happens) in a park and afterwards found out I was seemingly threatening her, not realising that we were edging towards the high road (we were chatting while lazying about in the park, we had separated into couples and there were a few other friends about). Apparently, it looked as though I was about to hit her, she grabbed onto me... and somehow I pushed her onto an oncoming car. Date: February 12th (died two days later, aged 16)

I went from manic depressive to major depressive, met my next girlfriend (who is a manic depressive) at therapy.

PS my hands are shaking and it took me about 15 mins to write this... I still love you Annie and I'm better now.

ReservoirAngel:

"It was making a weird pattern on the toast."

LOL! He would love my Hello Kitty one, it toasts her face on the bread. However, I would have to hurt him if he took it apart. ;)

I attract the crazy girls like a pheremone or something.
earlier GF, I was gonna leave for uni, she was really really upset. One time, a simple arguement quickly boiled over and she tried to stab me. We actually did not break up over this, in the end a faked suicide attempt made me go OH FOR FUCKS SAKE.

Then, there was the one with unstably bad daddy issues

Then there was this girl, lovely sweet thing. Only problem was she had this ex-boyfreind who she kept around as, just a freind. You know how a girl does that and uses you and in the end u feel like a chump.
Well, this guy was a Skin-head. Known in the Neo-Nazi Skinhead community as having anger management issues, and they know anger. Anyway, imagine what he was like when his gf was going out with an Iranian guy.

Anyway, fast forward to present, you know the first girl I mentioned, Im going out with her freind

There was one girl who had a somewhat unusual family. The grandmother was all kinds of schizophrenic and had attempted to stab this girl some years before. I was told to stay in her room while she was in the house, just in case she didn't take well to me.
We had a pretty stupid breakup, and her sister [a chronic liar of some repute] began telling people that I was a member of a gang, that I lived in a castle and that my mother manufactured bondage gear.
I live in a townland that has 'Castle' in its name and my mother was making and selling leather handbags and purses at the time, so it was more of a radical [and hugely entertaining, in retrospect] embellishment.
I also remember there being swastikas drawn in Tipp-Ex on the cupboards in their pantry.
Generous contributions of crazy were made by me during that relationship as well, don't get me wrong.

Some of these stories are great. Keep 'em coming, I say!
Edit: Except the ones that are sad. I hope the people who posted those are okay now.

My most recent crazy Gf moment was last August on the day of our anniversity.

Now back drop.

I'm terrible at getting gifts but some weeks prior my ladyfriend exclaimed that she wanted a big stuffed animal from the Bear Factory in a half jokey fashion. Now me in my despratation thought I'd just get her one as I couldn't think of anything better. So I did and named it after a character from one of her favourite books.

I also did a animation for her (studying 2d/3d animation at uni) but sadly 3 days before the due date the file got corrupt so I spent many sleepless nights putting it back together. But eventually finished it merely 5 hours before going to meet her.

A few days after she's being rather cold towards me so I ask whats wrong.

She blows up saying that only bad boy friends that dont care get stuffed toy's as gifts and that she didn't understand the "stupid" animation. Now the animation wasn't all complex merely a "I love you" animation which is revealed at the end.

The gift? well I can see where she's coming from but even then she should of known me better than that.

The kicker? she got me nothing for our anniversity. Oh wait thats not true she made me point out a game for her to buy me (which I had to put money towards aswell mind you).

But even still I do love her so I brushed it off and soldiered on.

Gingerman:
My most recent crazy Gf moment was last August on the day of our anniversity.

Now back drop.

I'm terrible at getting gifts but some weeks prior my ladyfriend exclaimed that she wanted a big stuffed animal from the Bear Factory in a half jokey fashion. Now me in my despratation thought I'd just get her one as I couldn't think of anything better. So I did and named it after a character from one of her favourite books.

I also did a animation for her (studying 2d/3d animation at uni) but sadly 3 days before the due date the file got corrupt so I spent many sleepless nights putting it back together. But eventually finished it merely 5 hours before going to meet her.

A few days after she's being rather cold towards me so I ask whats wrong.

She blows up saying that only bad boy friends that dont care get stuffed toy's as gifts and that she didn't understand the "stupid" animation. Now the animation wasn't all complex merely a "I love you" animation which is revealed at the end.

The gift? well I can see where she's coming from but even then she should of known me better than that.

The kicker? she got me nothing for our anniversity. Oh wait thats not true she made me point out a game for her to buy me (which I had to put money towards aswell mind you).

But even still I do love her so I brushed it off and soldiered on.

Dude, did she apologise?

She kinda seems like an arse.

I've dated a few women in my day who were officially crazy,but after reading the above stories I'm comming around to the idea that I've gotten off easy.

There was one situation that comes to mind though:Ex-gf (who wasn't "officially" crazy,BTW) has me over to her house for dinner and a movie. I knew she was going through a bitter separation,but I hadn't been expecting any trouble. The movie date turns into a sleepover,and two things happen that,looking back,harkened the end of the relationship:

1)Her kids came rampaging into the house,all high on sugar.She told me to hide,because she didn't want to get her kids hopes up that I was going to be the new daddy. I roll out of bed and hide under some blankets.

2)Ex-gf's ex-common law partner gets into a shouting match with her on the front lawn accusing her of child endangerment and other things,and how he wants to see me outside right f'ing now or he's comming in. (Oh yeah...He's built like an NFL linebacker,300 lbs,6'2") I stayed put,like I was told. It later occured to me that this could be a sad indicator of future event in the relationship,if I hung around...and then she ended up breaking up with me anyway,over a fight that she got into with somebody else. sad,sad,SAD state of affairs. :(

I had been dating a guy for about a month after getting out of a nearly two year relationship only a few months before. This guy was medically retired due to an incident during his 5 years in the Army, so his life consisted of countless hobbies to fill his day. His biggest obsession was with Dungeons and Dragons. Sometimes I wouldn't talk to him for two days because he would play D&D all night and sleep all day. I felt really neglected most of the time and decided that the relationship was causing more harm than good. When I went to break up with him I told him the reason was because I didn't want to be with someone who was just as happy without me in their life as with me. Instead of attempting to convince me I was wrong about that like I had expected him to do, he paused for ten seconds and then replied "You make an excellent point..." I haven't spoken to him since.

-Erica

I couldn´t stop laughing when I read that one.

DP155ToneZone:

Dude, did she apologise?

She kinda seems like an arse.

Sadly no she didn't, but then again she was under a lot of stress at that moment at time with University and financal problems at home.

Although that doesn't completely excuse her I am willing to let it slide, unless of course she brings it up and I'll be telling her my honest opinion on the matter :P

Im ex was bipolar. Shit was crazy, scary and funny.

One time i was talking to my mate about some game over a few beers and my gf said i love you in the quietest voice ever so i didnt hear her over the drunken ranting.

I then turned to her and said "can you pass me my drink please". She then started to cry and sat in the corner of my room in a ball, next to my bin. I didnt know what was up, so she told me what happened.

Then she sat up, got back onmy bed and continued listening to us talk whilst smiling as if she never just stormed off into the fetal position near my horrid smelling bin..

WTF

ReservoirAngel:
-snip-

Wow...and here I thought I'd seen clinginess.

OT: My first one drove me to nearly kill myself, and become a vengeful little sociopath.

Not much more I can explain about that.

My ex went crazy when we broke up if that counts. He rang me up and staled talking like The Joker from TDK, threatening me and mimicking the laugh. And saying lots of inconsistent things like "I still love you and always will and I want to stay your frien- YOU FUCKING SLAG, MY FAMILY WILL KILL YOU GET YOURSELF FUCKING CHECKED AND GET BACK WITH ME. I'm going to kill myself and overlook the bad things you did..." etc. Very weird.

My current boyfriend isn't crazy. Occasionally he's got it into his head that I'm seeing someone else, but I hardly leave the damn house. It's me who's much more crazier.

PayneTrayne:
Mature content ahead, sexually funny story that I find ridiculous.

HAHAHA! That's hilarious!

---------------------------------------------------

An ex-bf of mine, we had been going out for 4 years, but things had been going a bit downhill since we moved in together (after 3 years we moved in)
One day I'd had enough of the shit he was giving me, verbal abuse and crap like that.
I sat him down after going through it with myself all day and told him it was over, he flipped, he punched me, started screaming and crying and slamming his head into the edge of a table until it was covered in blood. I was gob-smacked. Needless to say I still finished with the physco and haven't seen him since (we moved far-ish away and he stayed there - thank god)

Wow... by some of these, mine's pretty tame.

Went out with a girl when I was about 15, eventually finished with her because she was constantly accusing me of cheating when I wasn't. A couple of hours later, I walk through a doorway at school and she tries to punch me in the side of the head. Being a nice guy I am, I turn the punch away, restrain her, lower her to the floor and tell her "I really wouldn't if I were you. Just stop, alright?". I thought that was the end of it. She runs into a classroom, comes out 30 seconds later with a wall-firing staple gun (designed to fire staples into solid walls from about 10cm away). Next thing I know, I'm running away with staples flying past me. I eventually took a leaf out of her book, ran through a doorway and ducked to the side, then grabbed the staple gun, threw it away and again restrained her. I walked out with the staplegun, put it on the office desk as I left and kept going.

About 3 weeks later, she threatened to jump off a wall that was about 10 feet above a grass playing field. After about 5 minutes, she hadn't done it, so a mate of mine climbed up, flipped off it, then turned around and said "Easy. Your go?"

I haven't seen her since. Gotta love mates :D

I'll put my crazy story in the form of tips.

1. If a girl sends you picture texts of her nipples and pussy even before the first date, beware.
2. If the girl starts telling you how she's been a camp counselor, a police officer, a paralegal, and amateur boxer, and many other things, beware.
3. If she likes being choked during sex, beware.
4. Even if you have an non-exclusive, which was the case since it was less than a month we'd been dating, don't go on a date with her AND the other guy she's dating.
5. If she has a bunch of crazy ex boyfriends, you might want to consider what the common denominator is.
6. Don't lend this crazy bitch any money. You will not get it back.

ReservoirAngel:

MystryMeet:

ReservoirAngel:

Yeah. She's like the local in-joke in and of herself. Everything she does seems to end up backfiring horribly on her. It's glorious.

Like when she tried to spite me by breaking me and Jordan up and wound up looking like a professional whore in front of her friends. That was a good weekend. haha

lmao sounds like a great weekend. Have someone as crazy as that being made fun of. Divine retribution.

She's not my girlfriend so I don't wanna clog up this thread with stories of her fails, but if you want me to expand upon her repeated failures (or those of other people in my life, they all have lots of them), I'd be happy to over pm. I never tire of telling stories like this.

Hell, send a few my way as well!

I never get tired of the hilarious crazy stories...

image

The sad ones here aren't as fun... :(

My girlfriend has 7 evil ex...nevermind, I have none, sadly, but I'm only 15, so adventures are still bound to happen... I hope, anyway, the other stories were fun to read, so I'm kinda content.

well, probably not crazy, but to me it's friggin mental!

an ex gf a few years ago, desperatly wanted a family, she got so obsessive about it! she paid for me to even get fertility treatment when it was her that caused the infertility (dont ask) and then got pregnant, paid me a large sum of money to stick around because she thought i would run off with another woman (when it was her chansing up suitors...she now works for a cybersex company, suprise) and then after a few months got an abortion and dumped me out of the blue. screwed my head around like the exorcist.

im still not a father, husband or anything like that, i just keep finding girls who cheat or run off or are complete utter biatches.

Ok, stay with me here...

My
ex
exgirlfriend's
current boyfriend's
exgirlfriend:

kicked him in the crotch and stabbed him in the leg with a steak knife because he didnt text her for 2 hours.

the scariest kind of clingy.

FamoFunk:
he punched me, started screaming and crying and slamming his head into the edge of a table until it was covered in blood. I was gob-smacked.

Quite literally.

I don't have any tales like this since I've always been single. But I can come close. The amazing thing is my ability to get crazy out of people I'm failing to start a relationship with.

The only girl I ever asked out made quite clear very simply that she wasn't interested. Which was okay. That was reasonable. Then later when she commented to me over facebook that she doesn't know why I like her because apparently she's "fat". I then listed everything I like about her. She must've found it cute, becuase she then told me what she thinks of me. "Unique, thoughtful, and actually kinda cute". I will remember those words for a long time. She then told me the only reason she won't go out wiht me is we live too far away from eachother, despite going to the same school. That's reasonable, it is quite a gap between us, that takes about an hour by car.

I offered to spend my own money to take trips, then she said she didn't like one sided relationships. I felt that was slightly annoying since that means I'd be the only one trying in this relationship.

The next day, in the morning before class she told me she was seeing somebody. Feeling sad I immediately said "Good for you". She said thank you. Then after a few seconds I asked where he lives. She tries to cover it up with an awkward laughing, and we go to class.

Later I found out purely through rumour of people going aorund that she is going out with a prick who insults everyone then compliments her. I found this out form people who previously would make inappropriate gestures behind the girl's back whenever we talked because they found out I liked her. Actually they didn't find out as much as make a guess, because she was the only girl I felt close to, which is a sad and annoying way to make a guess, when I had never mentioned liking anyone.

Anyway they break up 3 days later, she saying she misses being single. And it takes a while for her to explain anything to me, after setting up times and places to that she then cancelled. And it all came down to "I don't really want a boyfriend, I just felt like doing something unexpected." Great way to end any chance at a relationship and to destory enough respect I had for the only girl I ever felt close to enough to ask out, and have thigns incommon with, to even warrant further friendship. But to avoid her claims that I was just lonely and there weren't many nice girls in the school, I have to try to be friends with her after we've gone to different colleges now. And since we've gone to different colleges, ehr relationship status did change on facebook for abotu an hour enough for her to say "Having a boyfriend feels weird XD".

And the only girls to ever claim feelings for me have been very damaged and on the internet. The only one I believed, was very consistent, had been abused by previous boyfriends etc.
And she is driven to self harm and other things because I could not return feelings to someone I've never seen in their everyday life...Then she has moved on. Screwed it up before I even had a chance.

EDIT: Oh, another girl on the internet who is my friend, liked me and didn't tell me, and moved on, all because I didn't make a move. I only found out when we were discussing her new relaitonship with a guy who will chat up any female.

Squarez:
May I recommend these series of articles?...

http://www.collegehumor.com/articles/column/dating-its-complicated

Thanks for the link, I looked on that and found a few that were pretty funny. Particularly (and I'd like to note that none of these were mine):

I was in the middle of a hot make out session with my new girlfriend. We end up about to do it when I realize that I don't have any condoms on me. Luckily, she said she had some left over from her ex. They were these monster XXL's...great...

So my roommate got in a car wreck and isn't coming back to school for the rest of the semester. When I told my girl she said, "Cool, now we can bang and I don't have to be quiet."

So my freshman year of college I was dating this girl I met at a party. We started dating pretty seriously and did it all the time. Like rabbits. One night after a party we went back to her dorm room and started having one of those all night sex sessions. The beds we used were pretty crappy and squeaked a lot but we didn't care. At like two in the morning we heard a knock at the door. I get up and answer the door to find a can of WD-4.

I'd been dating this girl for a few weeks, and after hooking up the night before, we decided to have some morning sex. My apartment didn't have air conditioning, so it was about 140 degrees in my room. Anyways, I was on bottom the entire time, and when we finished, I went to get a glass of water. When I came back she was staring at my bed sheet with a look of amazement. Apparently, My ass was so sweaty that it left a huge sweat stain. I figured she was completely grossed out until she started laughing and said one of the greatest things ever..."Holy sh*t it looks like the Batman symbol!" It totally looked like the batman symbol.

LetalisK:
I'll put my crazy story in the form of tips.

1. If a girl sends you picture texts of her nipples and pussy even before the first date, beware.
2. If the girl starts telling you how she's been a camp counselor, a police officer, a paralegal, and amateur boxer, and many other things, beware.
3. If she likes being choked during sex, beware.
4. Even if you have an non-exclusive, which was the case since it was less than a month we'd been dating, don't go on a date with her AND the other guy she's dating.
5. If she has a bunch of crazy ex boyfriends, you might want to consider what the common denominator is.
6. Don't lend this crazy bitch any money. You will not get it back.

All that in one girl? Wow. What a package. Hopefully you got a return stamp and sent it back to where it came from.

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