So you decided to go to war with Wizards

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I'd use a Dark Eldar kabal! They eat psykers for breakfast, literally. One activation of a Crucible of Malediction and every wizard within half a mile is forcefully reliving the memories of another wizard being tortured to death over the course of years.

Either that or I'd use All Is Dust.


Let's see the fuckers do anything without any land!

Kill them before they get their little wands.

Send the SAS at them and they won't last a week. Worldwide.

Kinetic strikes from orbit, then build a McDonalds over the ashes. Mission Acomplished.


They won't know what hit them. By the time they look up, they'll be knee-deep in their own blood!

Kill-sat. Lets see them expelliarmus that!

First of all. We give all our infantry Crysis nano suits. I mean, the average wizard in the Harry Potter universe is about as deadly as a toddler brandishing a lego brick. So our normal infantry could probably squash the bulk of their forces with normal weaponry if they were prepared. So giving them Crysis nano tech would just be gravy, you know.

Then, we hire these two badass mother fuckers as assassins for the higher end twig warriors. The ones with faces reminiscent of fishes, you know.

Then, if they somehow don't manage to wipe out all of the more powerful wizards. We simply unleash our trump card. A more powerful magic based creature.

And if we're being honest. Our selection of said creature could probably go something a little like this. We find every piece of literature and myth around magical based beings. We cut out all of their names. We then paste all of said names on one giant wall, hire Micheal Jay Fox to don a blindfold and launch a dart at the wall. Whatever it lands on will no doubt do the job.

I am Heavy Weapons Guy, and this is my weapon. Some wizards think they can outsmart me...maybe, maybe...I have yet to meet one who can outsmart bullet.

I'd use... PLOTHOLES! Their one weakness!

Yeah, I went there

Set them ALL on FIRE

No, I don't know how.

The only weapons worth using in that war would be intensive planning, and fast assault. Your guns can just kill or wound. A wizard could transmute your nice powerful tank into a nice fluffy puppy, or suddenly flood a valley that an important squad is travelling through, all with one compact, lightweight weapon, a wand. Their only disadvantage would be that you can fire a gun just by pulling a trigger, within a split second the bullet reaches it's target. A wizard has to speak an incantation and do some kind of wand movement in order to "fire".

You plan entrance points in raids to take out the maximum amount of enemies in the first wave, while no one knows you're there. Then it's just sweep and clear, as fast as humanely possible. Every second a single wizard is unaccounted for in that building, the likeliness of a massacre due to the attack speed advantage being lost increases.


Your magic has no effect on my apathetic mind.

Starfleet, The Klingon Empire, The Romulan Star Navy and the dominion (and everyone else from Star Trek) backed up with elite squads of ninja jedi.

A silenced sniper with A LOT of ammo.

It's obvious.
A deck full of Counter Spell cards and enough lands to support them.
And a spectral bear, just because they are cool.

I hope they're the magicka wizards and laugh while they explode each other in glorious backfire.

Thats no fair. Harry Potter wizardry is the "you can only do exactly what you need to at any given moment" magic. Anything I can do they will just happen to have a spell to counter it.

Starfleet, The Klingon Empire, The Romulan Star Navy and the dominion (and everyone else from Star Trek) backed up with elite squads of ninja jedi.

Jedi can't be ninjas. I've never seen one!


A nuke.
Did I win? =D


A bunch of Marine Scout Snipers and Delta Force operatives. The snipers would take out the more expeerienced/powerful ones before they even knew what was going on and the Delta Force guys would be in and among them blowing stuff up and causing general mayhem.

I dunno man. Those forcefields of theirs seems to remove anything physical that wasnt in there already. So wouldnt bullets kind of just be absorbed by the more experienced wizards?

Nope. All the wizards capable of setting those force fields up would be dead before they even realized they needed to set them up.

The wizard advocates are forgetting that the wizards' three best spells are off-limits. Killing curse? No go. Put weapons on hand slings so the disarm doesn't work. Also, numbers people. The US military is a hell of a lot bigger than the number of battle ready wizards and we can train soldiers faster than they can train wizards. Their teleports? Not always reliable.

Traitors always help too. You know there would be a few that hate the rest and let a SEAL team into any magically protected areas.

Bomb them with white phosphorus and cover Hogwarts with mustard gas

fuck geneva

also anthrax

Time to bust out a full suit of Primium. It's always good to keep a set of magic proof armor around the house. If it stops magic powerful enough to bend reality, it will stop these silly little wannabes.

Send the SAS at them and they won't last a week. Worldwide.

Bah. Send a joint Task Force was SAS and Delta Force and they won't last three days.

Captain Price because fuck you Captain Price can kill anything.

British vs British battle.

Dr Snakeman:

Who needs an army?

Give a couple of guys a gun with lots of ammo, and make sure their mothers' love them. That way they can just go around shooting wizards while being immune to spells. They'll even get a couple of cool-looking scars out of it.

*Edit* Wait... the mothers may have to be murdered for the power of love to work. I forget some of the specifics.

Yeah, their mothers would have to be dead. Or course, you could just kill their mothers, and tell them that the wizards killed them. Then they would be invincible, and revenge-fueled!

Actually, that's still not how it works. So you'd need a whole different strategy.

That's how it works in my memory of the book. Harry survives the ultimate death spell thing because the power of his mother's love protects him... (presumably the dad didn't give enough of a crap).

I admit it was a long time ago I read the books, but it was definitely something along those lines...

I'll side with the Wizards. And I'll do whatever Selena Gomez tells me.


Because the ability to turn a rabbit in to a teacup is insignificant when compared to the power of the Super Saiyan.

Also, reference this spectacular comic by Pete Abrams:



the spud:
I sneak up on the wizard and beat him to death with his own skull.

That doesn't seem physically possible...

That's exactly what he'll be screaming.

the spud:
I sneak up on the wizard and beat him to death with his own skull.

...Or just let them fight it out and reward the winner with a cap to the skull.

where's that first phrase from? i know i've seen it somewhere.

cant kill what you can't see, right?

And if they do see a ninja, then that's not a real ninja at all and deserves to die anyway.

Have decided? HA! I'm already at war with Wizards. I've been pissed at them since they stopped supporting 3.5 in favor of that massive pile of shit that is 4e.

Oh, wait, THOSE kinds of wizards. Gotcha.

Anyway, I use an Evangelion. Preferably Unit 01.


the spud:
I sneak up on the wizard and beat him to death with his own skull.

...Or just let them fight it out and reward the winner with a cap to the skull.

where's that first phrase from? i know i've seen it somewhere.


It's from red vs. blue, one of the earlier episodes.

1:Gandalf...he's real, right?
2:A genetically engineered army of Captain Americas...without the whole America thing.
3:Optimus Prime
5:This guy...


It's amazing how people with no knowledge of magic in Harry Potter think they stand a chance with any non-magical offensive. Where are you sending your trained killers? Wizards don't live in some wizard country, they live everywhere, and you have no way of differentiating wizard from muggle. Hogwarts is unplottable and to a muggle appears as an empty, ruined castle. The Ministry? Under London. You can't get in. Try brute force and you'll just end up in the underground. They use dimensional and psychological enchantments that have been in place for ages.

Correcting rampant misconceptions and reminding of various powers: They can use wandless magic, they can use wordless magic, they can kill without avada kedavra, they can rewrite your memory, turn your guns against you, transfigure every bullet you have into cotton balls before you know they have apparated in your midst.

Keep singing the praises of human military when up against wizards, it makes me laugh. Try coming up with something more impressive than nuking random cities, suburbs, and fields in the hopes of killing wizards that can disapparate in a moment. I could honestly go on and on explaining why we would be completely at their mercy, but I've probably already written more than most of you will be willing to read.

If I am limited to things that are real, I choose the army. However, I would have a high enough position in the army to advise them to use lots and lots of tear gas and/or flashbangs. For myself, I would wield a barrett .50 for range and an AA12 for the closer-up bits. As far as magical strongholds like hogwarts goes, a telephone pole-sized rod of tungsten dropped from orbit has all the ouch of a nuke with none of the annoying radiation left over.

If we are allowed things from fiction, I'd take the Hyperion from Starcraft 2, then get a mage from some series or another to magic proof it (and and everything inside). Not only would we have Jim Raynor on our side, We'd have magic proof siege tanks, terran marine armor for the standard troops, ever invisible specters, etc.

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