Paying parents rent.

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When I turned 16, left school and got my first job, my parents handed me a rent agreement for my continued living in the house, and said:
"From here on out, everything you get, you will work for - because in the real world, nobody will give you anything."

tl;dr -
Life isn't fair.

But, if you can provide proof that your mother owes you the 700, you can either agree to live rent-free for seven months, or you can be a man and put the debt on a hiatus while you support your family.

Whatever works for you, really.

That's not that much for rent. I rent with housemates and I study and work at the same time, I pay (equal to pounds) about 600 a month.

That's just the room, not including power, food, internet, cable and other stuff

Waaghpowa:

Koroviev:
-

Erana:
-

I feel like I should clarify a little more, not because I felt like you guys were calling me out on anything.

I realize that it isn't exclusive to the Chinese culture, but it baffles me that North Americans believe that it's ok. In my culture, not supporting your kids is like abandoning your duty as a parent. Yeah, sure, you have to teach your kid to be self sufficient, but is forcing them to pay to live really going to do that? What if they get put into financial crisis? What if they're also the kind of parents that believe that the child should pay for their education? Sure, they're learning to be self sufficient, but that could back fire big time on them and the kind could end up homeless. I guess it depends on the parents, but it still bothers me and feels like you're trying to set them up for failure.

What?
I was agreeing with you.

Erana:

Waaghpowa:

Koroviev:
-

Erana:
-

I feel like I should clarify a little more, not because I felt like you guys were calling me out on anything.

I realize that it isn't exclusive to the Chinese culture, but it baffles me that North Americans believe that it's ok. In my culture, not supporting your kids is like abandoning your duty as a parent. Yeah, sure, you have to teach your kid to be self sufficient, but is forcing them to pay to live really going to do that? What if they get put into financial crisis? What if they're also the kind of parents that believe that the child should pay for their education? Sure, they're learning to be self sufficient, but that could back fire big time on them and the kind could end up homeless. I guess it depends on the parents, but it still bothers me and feels like you're trying to set them up for failure.

What?
I was agreeing with you.

I know, but I wanted to add a thought :P

My parents decided that while i was in college, they wouldn't charge me rent if i lived at home, but once i graduated, rent was to be charged. In your case though, considering she owes you money, i wouldn't pay

weker:

Malaclemys:
Tell her to take it out of the money she owes you, or find another place to live.
The second one should be lots more fun.

I second this, however I think you should say the first as her reaction will be more entertaining... for the Escapist I mean.

I third this! I think the ayes have it.

No, I didn't, and I think having to pay FAMILY without good reason is a dumb idea.

And fuck you too, captcha!

I'd bring up the fact that she owes you and not pay until it's the amount she owed you. After that you should pay because she is still supporting you. I started paying $200 a month when I got a job but it might go down if/when I start uni.

Families have obligations to each other. Unless she direly needs money, in which case she should ask nicely rather than demanding rent like you're a stranger, she should leave you be until you get on your feet. Family sticks up for each other.

Rawne1980:
Our eldest daughter is 18 and is just starting UNI pretty soon (19th).

She started working as soon as she left school to give herself some extra money while at college and kept at it since.

When she turned 18 my wife decided it was time to charge her rent. Not out of spite we don't charge much it's only £60 a month which goes into an account for her for when she's 21 (she doesn't know about it we've been putting money into an account for each of the kids since they were born) so when she goes out in the big bad world on her own she's used to budgeting and knows how to live within her means and won't end up homeless for not paying rent on time.

It does irritate me slightly when I see things like this and young uns thinking they are hard done by.

Do you have any idea how much it costs to raise a child?

You buggers aint cheap.

When you hit 18 in the UK all child benefit, child tax credits and any other payments stop. So that extra money that was helping your mum keep you fed and watered has now stopped while you are still needing the food and water.

Surprising how many people don't consider costs these days. They just instantly assume everything will be provided to them.

Oh, this is the first post I agree completely with. After 18 years of living there paying nothing it's a big problem suddenly paying rent, and the rent isn't even big.
I moved out when I was 15 and have been paying the rent by myself ever since that. Moving back home would just feel weird at this point. If I were to live home and have a steady source of income I would prefer to pay rent. So your mom owes you a whole lot of money, doesn't that tell you she's got financial difficulties?

No, my Mum would never even think of charging me rent. I'm just lucky to live with her.

I'm actually moving out to university tomorrow, so while I'm studying I'll be on residence, but my Mum is actually going to be chipping in some money to help pay for second semester.

So... pretty much, my Mum's great to me; and I'm grateful.

100 pounds/month is cheap. Even cheaper if you're eating at home and not contributing to the groceries.

As far as the owing you 700 pounds goes, yeah, that's too bad, but that doesn't help with the cost of feeding and housing you now. It's only decent to contribute to household expenses while you live there. Plus, this should really be a life lesson for you: a loan you don't have set down in paper is actually a gift. It's nice if you get it back, but anytime you give someone - especially friends and family - money without having a contract for repayment, you have to assume that money is gone, and if you get it back, well, what a lovely surprise.

I wouldn't get too high-handed about your mother not having a job when you plan to live off government funding yourself while in school, and you're trying to talk her into letting you live at her house free of charge. Once you're self-supporting then maybe you'll be entitled to get sassy about it.

its moments like these I tend to appreciate how reasonable my parents are. I just pay the Internet bill every month (Which is about $80) and that's it, I help out where needed beyond that, and they help me, but I don't really get charged rent for the moment. Not that I'm against it, but I'm not going to argue either :P

As for the OPs situation...I'd probably recommend either just toughing it out and paying up, then getting a place of you're own like people have said. it sounds like the more sensible option to me.

Yeah, I only read about the first two pages of this thread, but it sounds to me like you need a bit of a dose of reality. A REALLY CHEAP rent will be setting you back a minimum of £250 a month, including bills. And even an average student let you're still looking at £300-400 after bills. Note that neither of these are including food costs (£50+ a month depending on how much you eat). I'd also add that most students live off about £5k a year which works out £500 a month if you ignore summer, the same amount you have. Out of that £500, a good 2/3 will go on rent and bills, because they are expensive. So basically the £100 being offered to you is a good deal regardless of who it is with or what your history with them is. Frankly expecting anything less is beyond optimistic and if you were expecting to keep over 80% of your monthly income as "fun money" then you're a little delusional.

As other people have said, either move out (It'll cost more but it's SO worth it, I promise) or suck it up and pay your upkeep. If you spend a lot of time with the TV/PC and food is included then you'll be more or less covering those bills and that's about it with your £100.

As for the £700, I'd just abandon it. You've a long term relationship with this woman (one I presume you'd like to keep on good terms), and in said long term relationship there is a lot of give and take. Unless you've specifically said "you owe me for this" or "this is a loan" or something similar, then she owes you nothing. It's part of the give and take and she won't appreciate that you've been keeping tally of anything you've ever bought for her and are suddenly planning to throw the number in her face and ask for it back.

Regardless of your opinions on how she leads her life, she HAS raised you, which will have cost money (if other peoples) that she could have otherwise spent on herself, and if you're going to uni then she can't have done that bad a job of raising you either.

So yeah, if you want my actual advice I'd suggest moving out. You'll have a much better time, less stress, be more self sufficient, but will have a lighter wallet every month.

Rawne1980:
Snip.

Albeit off topic, but do YOU know whats it's like to be young and trying to get into proper employment without any form of inside contacts? I'm stuck living home because of it 3 years later. It's not as simple as going in, handing a resume and getting a career or a basic job handed on a platter.

Although this is Australia, probably much different there. (I hate people who assume finding work is easy, not to be snappy)

I'm about a year older than you, and I pay over 6 times that amount (around 627 GBP or 1,000 USD) for bills and rent per month. That doesn't include food or housekeeping - presumably things that are also included in your deal. You're getting off really, really cheap - trust me.

My government doesn't cut me an $877 check every month, either. Why don't _you_ get a job (if you don't already have one)?

Seriously, what is with people? I'm terribly sorry to break this news to you, but you're an adult now. You shouldn't be a dependent - not on your parents, family or your government.

Ziadaine:

Rawne1980:
Snip.

Albeit off topic, but do YOU know whats it's like to be young and trying to get into proper employment without any form of inside contacts? I'm stuck living home because of it 3 years later. It's not as simple as going in, handing a resume and getting a career or a basic job handed on a platter.

Although this is Australia, probably much different there. (I hate people who assume finding work is easy, not to be snappy)

I know it's not easy at all to find work.

It's the same here in the UK bud. Not enough jobs and far too many people wanting the few that are available.

However I wasn't referring to the young lad as he already said he was working.

I was referring to the lads mum and step dad who, by the looks of things, have never worked. Not through illness or the like but because they don't want to.

But I do know what it's like to be young and looking for a job. I have kids one of which is 18 as I mentioned. I had to help her find employment.

Waaghpowa:

Koroviev:
-

Erana:
-

I feel like I should clarify a little more, not because I felt like you guys were calling me out on anything.

I realize that it isn't exclusive to the Chinese culture, but it baffles me that North Americans believe that it's ok. In my culture, not supporting your kids is like abandoning your duty as a parent. Yeah, sure, you have to teach your kid to be self sufficient, but is forcing them to pay to live really going to do that? What if they get put into financial crisis? What if they're also the kind of parents that believe that the child should pay for their education? Sure, they're learning to be self sufficient, but that could back fire big time on them and the kind could end up homeless. I guess it depends on the parents, but it still bothers me and feels like you're trying to set them up for failure.

Holy...

I just don't get you. At all. It is impossible for my mind to come to grips with such a... different perspective on life. Since my early teenage years - one thing has driven me. I wanted to be my own person. I wanted absolute and unhindered control over my life. I wanted people to respect my work and my existence, and I wanted to bring value to whatever endeavor that I ended up seeking out. Am I the most mature, responsible or dependable person? No, not by any means. In fact, sometimes I find that I'm being less dependable than the average McD's worker. But I am still driven by a need to... well... be needed. To have others rely on me, instead of the other way around.

To that end, being a dependent is insulting to me. Borrowing money, paying bills late, asking for advances... Those kinds of things happen from time to time - and it kills me. If I in *any* way depended on my parents to feed me or provide shelter - I literally would loose all of my dignity.

In Grade 11 I dropped out of High School because my job was paying me more than what an average college graduate in my field would make, even in a few years after. On my 18th birthday I moved out to my own place. A few pieces of equipment I own were gifts, and my car was paid for though inheritance - but other than that, the food I eat and the computers I use and every other item I own are 100% mine.

If it were any other way, I couldn't live with myself. I would feel like a failure.

And guess what? It's not that hard. I'm not some special person - I have many flaws, perhaps more flaws than the average person here. The difference is that I have chosen to be an adult. Even when I fail, sometimes miserably, it's what I work towards. People who think that they should get help from their parents well into their 20's are disgraceful.

If I lost my job, all of the other opportunities I've gotten presented with over the last few years fell though and I couldn't get another job before my savings dwindled - I would have places to go. My brother, sisters, parents and friends wouldn't automatically shun me. I know they would be there to help me though, and I know that they would be willing to do so because of my track record and attitude. It's not as if they have abandoned me - it's that I am, and always will be, my own person.

Well it's her house and if she's not a legal provider it's a perfectly reasonable request.

That said, I would fucking NEVER pay rent to live with my parents. I pay rent specifically not to live with my parents. I don't know. I have a shitty relationship with mine, so maybe your case is different, but I personally would say "ok mom, give me back the 700 bucks you owe me, and I'll use it to help pay my first and last somewhere else."

Fair enough if your parents actually need the money to keep supporting both themselves and you, although it always struck me as kind of a last resort.

Actually, it seems fair enough most of the time, at least in relatively low income families - that you should try and pitch in once you can, rather than continuing to enjoy a free ride. That said, while I can most definitely see the logic behind it - and, in an objective sense, tend to agree with it - it's always struck me a tad coldhearted...

Maybe going back to my first point, she should explain to you that she really does need the money, and that she would continue to support you if she could, but that it's simply not possible anymore, and ask you to pitch in. That's as opposed to demanding rent, which seems out of place in the context of a parent interacting with their own child.

Davih:
SNIP

Do you think if you lived anywhere else you'd get a free ride?

Who's paying for your food? Electricity? Gas? Water? Internet? Council tax?

You're getting a taste of the real world.

Also, you may want to give some fair argument from your parents perspective. Why don't / can't they have a job? To me, you sound as though you have your head in the clouds.

I had to pay rent the day I left full time education at the age of 16. Even though I went to college part time, I had to pay most of my part time wages to have a warm place to sleep and eat.

I didn't moan at my parents about that.

EDIT: Also.... £100 sounds to me as though you are getting off lightly.

EDIT AGAIN: £700! What if she suddenly decided to call you out on the god knows how many thousands you have cost her throughout your life time?

Ziadaine:

Rawne1980:
Snip.

Albeit off topic, but do YOU know whats it's like to be young and trying to get into proper employment without any form of inside contacts? I'm stuck living home because of it 3 years later. It's not as simple as going in, handing a resume and getting a career or a basic job handed on a platter.

Although this is Australia, probably much different there. (I hate people who assume finding work is easy, not to be snappy)

I'm not trying to be mean here, and I personally know people in your position whom I respect. So don't take my comment as an insult...

But I have a hard time with this sentiment. I am an obese, virtually uneducated, depressed, cigarette smoking, borderline alcoholic social retard with crippling anxiety. Yet I have never had a problem finding work. If you took my individual attributes and summed them, you would get the low end of the lowest societal stereotype. Though dedication and hard work, however, I now work fulltime from home and parttime elsewhere - with at least two other entities asking me every few weeks to come do work for them as well.

I just can't buy it that people, especially the people here who often have technical, marketable skills, can't find work. Hell, there are places in Syndy that I would love to have the opportunity to work towards getting hired at. I live in a freaking retirement town populated almost exclusively by old, rich, people, or kids who haven't left yet - so the "you must live in a big city" retort certainly doesn't apply.

To be honest I'd say either move out or um.. no thats it really.. If parents start charging their kids rent its a bit of a failure really.. should have taken the cash costs into account before yu get into the whole child care business.. for all your parents knew you (no offense meant) could have been disabled (mentally or physically) thus unable to work and they would have had to live some other way other than charging their kids for the cost of being alive..

Abandon4093:

ravensheart18:

Abandon4093:
I'd just move out if I were you.

I bet he can't get rent anywhere else for 100/month. Sounds like she is giving him a deal.

IF your parents can afford it, its not unreasonable to expect a free ride during University. If however they can't, it is not at all unreasonable to ask for a small amount like that to help cover the costs they are incurring for you, such as food and utility costs.

You are 18, so be an adult. Agree to the rent, calmly discuss the 700 they owe you, and strike a deal for that to cover the first 7 months.

What university student just happens to have a spare £100 a month?

You may aswell just apply for a housing loan and move out.

You'd be surprised.

I'm a university student and I have quite a bit more than £100 a month spare, I arranged my Uni timetable for four days a week and I also work three/four days a week depending on shifts. I live by myself and I don't get any *independent living or student* welfare from the government. Heaps of my friends at university are currently in similar boats, paying rent to either their parents, land lord or whoever owns the units.

I'm not saying I approve of your parents not working, but ten children living under the one roof and they're only asking for £100 a month? That is incredibly generous, to say the least.

I'm surprised a lot of the comments here are supporting your position, to say the least.

Malaclemys:
Tell her to take it out of the money she owes you, or find another place to live.
The second one should be lots more fun.

This

You're 18, that means you're an adult and should be treated as such.

molesgallus:

RobCoxxy:
£100 a month is nothing, I was paying £60 a week in student accomodation, then £20 for food (I LIKE TO EAT) then £10/20pm for electricity, £10-15pm for broadband and £10pm for my phone.

So £100pm is a steal for rent.

Wait... What? £20 is considered a lot for food? I spend at least £80, a week. That's me at my most frugal. I own my own flat, next to the Uni, so I suppose I have that expense covered. But, still. £20 a week? That's under £3 a day? I'm desperately confused here. That is Ramen' territory. £1 for each meal. How can people live like that?

I make a lot of meals myself. And that £20 is literally just dinner/tea whatever. I make a damn fine chilli, cheap as chips to make.

Welcome to the real world son, hell, £100 is a pittance compared to everything most other people have to pay. I say be glad with what you've got and stop bitching.

I'm 26 and living at my parents house while trying to find a new job. Oh and I live in California in the second worst county in the US to find a job(lucky me). My parents make me pay $100 a month rent. Which I'd be fine with if my 23 year old brother had to get a job and pay rent. They aren't charging me at the moment since no job=no money and all the money I get on unemployment goes towards gas for me to do job applications and interviews(since public transportation from county to county is god awful) and pay my mobile. What is left goes into savings in the bank. Oh and my car insurance I pay as well. I get why they feel the need to charge me rent however they've also been trying to kick me out since I was 15 and I've been off and on working since I was 11 and all they do to my brother is shelter him and coddle him and tell him that because of his disabilities(which don't prevent him from working mind you. He COULD hold a job if he weren't so lazy)he doesn't ever have to work or pay rent. I don't pay it, I get kicked out. Instead of paying right now, I'm basically my parent's errand bitch. Whenever they need my car they get it unless I have an interview. And yes literally MY car. I paid for the damn thing out of MY money that I earned from my last job. I think parents should take in some considerations with their children. If the child has a job and is not in school, yes they should pay rent. If the child is in school and no job, no. If the child is in school and has a job....well it depends on how bad off the family is to begin with and if the child can feasibly pay rent while still paying for whatever they need(school supplies/paying off school etc...).

Yeah, I paid "rent" when I was at home, but that was after uni, and I had a job, so had the option of moving out.
£100/month is a helluva lot cheaper than some people get... some of the people I was with had to pay for accommodation on their own, and anywhere you go it's gonna be more than that.

Yer, it's a bit of bummer the situation you're in, but as you're over 18, she can technically kick you out of the house if she so wants. And she's prolly got you more than £700 of stuff over the years ^^.

You could argue the point, but don't expect to win. Or maybe negotiate like slightly cheaper rent over a longer term until the debt is paid, so she still gets some money. If she really needs the money now, then the lower rate may be enough to tide her over. Sounds a bit of a crowded work-shy place.

Imo you're probably best living with the situation as it is, and then aiming to get employment soon as you can after uni, so you can afford to move out.

Abandon4093:

archabaddon:
She did raise you for 18 years, diapered your ass when you were crapping yourself as a baby, fed you when you couldn't feed yourself, etc. I think £100 is a trivial fee to pay rent.

If she wasn't prepared to do that then she shouldn't have had a child.

He didn't decide one day that he should just be born and inconvenience her with nappies and crying.

Your logic is flawed, that is what is expected of every parent. Paying upkeep whilst you're studying shouldn't be expected of any child.

Because actually keeping and raising a child is pretty darn easy, amirite?

Of course, people expect parents to take care of their children; sadly, that's not always the case. Not every parent chooses to keep a child. Some have abortions, while others give children away for adoption. Some people shake their babies or hit their kids. Some kids are neglected, etc., etc.

Assumption is the mother of all f-ups, as they say. For example, my mother now takes care of two kids, coming into their teen years, that were so neglected as infants that they are now mentally and physically handicapped to the point of where they need constant nurse care in order to stay alive; they are wards of the state she adopted.

So if I were still young enough to be living with my mother but old enough to be going to college, I'd have no qualms giving her some rent. It's the least that I could do for helping me grow up up healthy and (relatively) defect-free, not suffering from Shaken Baby Syndrom or Fetal Alcohol Syndrom, not mentally scared from child abuse, etc.

Don't have an opinion unless it's informed ;)

archabaddon:

Abandon4093:

archabaddon:
She did raise you for 18 years, diapered your ass when you were crapping yourself as a baby, fed you when you couldn't feed yourself, etc. I think £100 is a trivial fee to pay rent.

If she wasn't prepared to do that then she shouldn't have had a child.

He didn't decide one day that he should just be born and inconvenience her with nappies and crying.

Your logic is flawed, that is what is expected of every parent. Paying upkeep whilst you're studying shouldn't be expected of any child.

Because actually keeping and raising a child is pretty darn easy, amirite?

Of course, people expect parents to take care of their children; sadly, that's not always the case. Not every parent chooses to keep a child. Some have abortions, while others give children away for adoption. Some people shake their babies or hit their kids. Some kids are neglected, etc., etc.

Assumption is the mother of all f-ups, as they say. For example, my mother now takes care of two kids, coming into their teen years, that were so neglected as infants that they are now mentally and physically handicapped to the point of where they need constant nurse care in order to stay alive; they are wards of the state she adopted.

So if I were still young enough to be living with my mother but old enough to be going to college, I'd have no qualms giving her some rent. It's the least that I could do for helping me grow up up healthy and (relatively) defect-free, not suffering from Shaken Baby Syndrom or Fetal Alcohol Syndrom, not mentally scared from child abuse, etc.

Don't have an opinion unless it's informed ;) And try not to come off like an over-entitled chav next time.

First off, that's my line. And you can only use it where it fits. My opinion is actually informed.

And where in the hell did you get chav from my words? How is it chavish to expect a mother to take care of her child?

Nowhere did I say all mothers care for their children. I said a mother that does isn't to be repayed. If she's going to take on the responsibility of a child you don't throw her a party because she fed and clothed them. That is what is expected of a parent.

The parent can't then ask for repayment for that. They chose to have a child and have the shoulder the responsibility that comes with it.

I don't think I ever insinuated that taking care of a child was easy. So again. Your logic and your argument are both flawed.

And now for a more fitting turn of the line.

Don't have an opinion on my opinion unless you understood it.

I was raised by the principle of "Family First EVERY TIME,EVERY DAY"

If suddenly all my uncles and their wives got killed, my dad would take care of all their kids, even those that are 18, no questions, if they are studying and he needs to work to keep them at school he woud do it, he would of course ask for help of them if needed be, but that would be a last resort, work hard, take care of your family, thats the way we think around here...

I find it extremely weird when parents ask their kids for money... but thats just because i am 25 an still living with my parents because my dad asked me to stay until i could afford a HOME (full home, not, you know an apartment or something like that) his idea is that i will stay until he dies and inherit the house we live in... "it will belong to you in the end son" is what he is always telling me...

It's not unreasonable to ask for the money. However if they intended to do this they should really have informed you when you applied to Uni so you had an option of what to do. As it stands now they kind of have you over a barrel.

In terms of the money you are owed you should bring it up but don't try to offset it against the rent.

If you are paying rent to family members you want at the very least a written confirmation about the amount and what it covers. You only have to look at the recent Extra Credits problem to see how an informal agreement can cause all sorts of problems very quickly. Same thing goes with family. They want to treat you as an adult and that is ok, but you should respond as an adult and know exactly where you stand in the situation.

Kinds of reminds me of one of my cousins, she got so many benefits from having 4 children she never worked an honest days work for about 18 years. Now she doesn't get benefits from the eldest son so she wants him to pay for rent which is okay if it wasn't for the fact shes been so damn lazy all her life. I know raising kids is hard but for her having kids and raising them was a profession, a profession that the government pays about double the average salary in the UK.

This is why being a teenage mom is actually beneficial because the benefits system just works in their favor. Kind of sickening.

Davih:
To start, I'm gonna give you some background about me. I live in Scotland and that I am 18. 10 people live in my house, my Mum, Step-dad, sister, 3 Step-Sisters, 1 Step-Brother, my Cousin and my Cousin's 3 year old son. And of course me. I finished school in June and my Sister nad Step-Sister finished school June 2010.

I start University on Monday and I get money from SAAS/SLC for doing so. I get ~£550 a month from them combined, and just over £1000 in September combined (I don't know why more in September, i guess for books and stuff.)

To keep costs down going ot Uni (by the time I finish my course I'll be ~£16000 in debt, possibly more, since the Government pay for 4 years of University) I decided to stay at home, thinking my Mum was reasonable since my Sister has been at Uni for a year and didn't have to give my Mum anything.

Anyways, she turned round to me, my Sister, and my Step-Sister today and said the she needs £100 a month of us in "rent". I don't mind giving her money, but she owes me ~£700 from the money I've let her borrow over the years since i was about 14. Her reasoning is that the three of us left school, her income has been decreasing because of the money she gets from the government when we are at school. My Mum and Step-Dad also don't have a job, so I think it is compeltely unreasonable to siphon money from us because they are too lazy to go out and get a job. It just pisses me off that she refuses to get a job.

Should i give her the money? Do you or did you have to pay your parents rent whilst doing your studies? How much did you have to pay them?

I sense a change in address in your future. Move out, move in with a friend or get a dirt-cheap apartment somewhere. Get a crappy job to help pay the bills, when you've established a base for yourself, find a slightly better job. If this means putting off your studies for a bit, don't hesitate because having a bit of money to yourself is better than having your money taken away by a leech.

Owing money to your parents is just a fucking stupid situation that you need to fix ASAP.

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