Pimpin reviews: Oblivion (An attempt at satire --- A must read for TES veterans)

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Very good, and very true

pimp banner is pimp.

Yeah i liked this, it's the pixel equivalent of a bin that I threw 209hrs of my life into and the things here definitely ring true, especially about the not dropping of items.

Also the armour thing you mentioned, I love the way the game looks but there's no armour that really hits the spot, even the Daedric gear leaves you thinking "cool. what's next?".

Anyway yeah, loved the review and it's a remarkably original way of doing things. Kudos, my man, kudos.

Having played Oblivion first, I have to say Morrowind was the better of the two.

The travel system especially.
I liked taking boats and Silt Striders around the map, rather than just teleporting there.

The lack of Compass made me feel clever for following the notes and such to get there.

Really, the only complaint would be the mess that is your journal after a long time, but the 'topic selection' feature kinda overcame this.

Anyhoo, I loved the style in which you wrote this.
Good job!

domble:
Le snip

Haha, thanks. My favorite armor would have to be the Blackwood Company armor or the steel armor, they just look more "knightly". Plus, Daedric armor's weight is ridiculous

Fat Man Spoon:
snip

Thanks. I remember going back to Morrowind after Oblivion, man I was so confused for the longest time

pimppeter2:

domble:
Le snip

Haha, thanks. My favorite armor would have to be the Blackwood Company armor or the steel armor, they just look more "knightly". Plus, Daedric armor's weight is ridiculous

Yeah I loved those too, but later on in the game you'd be better protected wearing papier mache.

I thought they'd take advantage of DLC but no, they released horse armour instead, which ranks just above a laptop charger in the Things Useless in Cyrodil Top 100.

domble:

pimppeter2:

domble:
Le snip

Haha, thanks. My favorite armor would have to be the Blackwood Company armor or the steel armor, they just look more "knightly". Plus, Daedric armor's weight is ridiculous

Yeah I loved those too, but later on in the game you'd be better protected wearing papier mache.

I thought they'd take advantage of DLC but no, they released horse armour instead, which ranks just above a laptop charger in the Things Useless in Cyrodil Top 100.

The sad thing is.... I own the Horse armor. God I am/was addicted

In my defense it was my first time buying DLC

t'was amusing :P

Excellent parody, you make good points =)
And Oblivon's Daedric armour and weapons are rubbish. In fact, most of the game's high-level armour and weapons are rubbish. It all looks horrible, without all the cool spikes the last game's gear had.

Daedric, glass, and dwarven armour are rare finds. In the case of glass and dwarven equipment, Morrowind (and specifically Vvardenfell) is the main place where said equipment can be found/made and is extremely rare, even over there. Unless you know where to look, it's nearly impossible to just stumble upon all the pieces of a full suit of Daedric armour, and glass stuff costs the earth.

Yet in Oblivon, every highwayman and bandit seems to be carrying it by the time you hit level 20, if not sooner. *facepalms* It's a disgrace.

'I actually spoke to a man named Amantius Allectus that referred to himself in the third person and told me that he'd been murdered in a botched robbery...what's worse is that everyone in town seemed to be talking about it as well as if he'd convinced them all.'

favourite line XD
but this review is so true and hilarious at the same time.... kudos.

Agreed. I spent a while on Oblivion, hated all of it, especially the combat. So I went back to morrowind and actually had some fun.

That was hilarious.
however oblivion was the first elder scrolls game I have ever played, so hearing this was almost like the adventurer trying to tell me all this stuff and me repeating that the fighters guild is a good place to find work.

I tried to get into Morrowind but couldnt keep at it.. walking speed felt waay too slow, and, I know I know, graphics aren't as important as gameplay, but because everything is so dreary, exploring felt dull... (Take far cry 2 for instance- the long treks when you are stranded without a car are made bearable by having pretty graphics to look at)

I loved Oblivion, and these observations are true, but unfortunately I listened to Yahtzee and was led to believe these minor niggles make it a poor game, so i delayed in buying it for ages

Lovin' the sweetroll line. You should've made mention about how the vendors magically know what goods you have are stolen.

That was rather refreshing to read before I head to bed.

Regarding guards chasing you to the ends of the earth. My first playthrough I literally made all of my money stealing wine and selling it to the thieves guild. Well one day heading into to some slum house I decided to break into out of boredom, I found a rather large wine cellar. Excitedly I filled up my inventory with the last bit of wine I could carry before I was carrying that 1 pound over my limit.

Unfortionatly near the end of my desperate wine capers the owner of this house stumbled in on me and alerted the local law enforcement officers who quickly bum rushed me with 3 guards. Asking me if I would like to go to jail or pay a fine or stomp on their foot and book it. I decided the latter because fuck im not going to lose my last hours work getting all of this wine. I ended up losing most of the guards on my way out of town. However one guard who I named William McStucko The Invisible Douchebag decided that he NEEEEEDED that promotion. So he chased me from Bravil to the imperial city (where I payed my fine to the thieves guild and he continued to follow me). From there into a cave and back out, into a ruin and back out even into an Oblivion gate and back out All the way to FUCKING ANVIL!

Now I have no hangup killing the guy the only problem was he wasnt there. Apparently as the name implies the guy was either a fly that got stuck in my sweaty nasty armor or he was completely invisible and stalked me across the entire countryside. I stood in one place for 15 minutes and the guy didnt show however the guards were still after me so I couldnt rest or fast travel and I had to listen to combat music for a good hour and half.

I am assuming when we finally reached Anvil something had killed him on the way because out of the 5 daedra the 10 bears the endless rats and and wolves and a few minotaurs and other assorted mythical creatures I killed apparently one of them got him. So my chase has ended and I have learned now that befriending ever guard in town resisting arrest and then dropping all of my stolen goods then yielding and paying a fine is a hell of a lot easier then escaping William McStucko whom I know on good authority is the captain of the guard in hell.

I laugh. I laugh so hard. Every single word of it is true.

Awesome review, I look forward to reading more of your work!

I like the banner very much (as well as cheese). Very nice review.

Shade184:

Daedric, glass, and dwarven armour are rare finds. In the case of glass and dwarven equipment, Morrowind (and specifically Vvardenfell) is the main place where said equipment can be found/made and is extremely rare, even over there. Unless you know where to look, it's nearly impossible to just stumble upon all the pieces of a full suit of Daedric armour, and glass stuff costs the earth.

Yet in Oblivon, every highwayman and bandit seems to be carrying it by the time you hit level 20, if not sooner. *facepalms* It's a disgrace.

If my memory serves me correct, and it should. There were about two sets of daedric armour in Morrowind. While in Oblivion you could stack the stuff roof high. And the absence of Artifact armour sucked.

Yes - Divayth Fyr had most of one, and the rest of the pieces were scattered haphazardly around the place. As for artefact armour, you have my complete agreement there.

Fun review! Lots of truth, but I still rank Oblivion as one of my fav ever games.

ottenni:

If my memory serves me correct, and it should. There were about two sets of daedric armour in Morrowind. While in Oblivion you could stack the stuff roof high. And the absence of Artifact armour sucked.

Yeah, there was one set on Divath Fyr, minus helm, and the rest were scattered across the map, including expansions. So the only way to get it was to either kill one of the game's essential characters, or go on an awesome massive quest to get the armour, so it actually felt impressive instead of more tat.

Even if you used glass armour instead, you sure as hell should have put it on display in your mushroom fortress.

Sebenko:

ottenni:

If my memory serves me correct, and it should. There were about two sets of daedric armour in Morrowind. While in Oblivion you could stack the stuff roof high. And the absence of Artifact armour sucked.

Yeah, there was one set on Divath Fyr, minus helm, and the rest were scattered across the map, including expansions. So the only way to get it was to either kill one of the game's essential characters, or go on an awesome massive quest to get the armour, so it actually felt impressive instead of more tat.

Even if you used glass armour instead, you sure as hell should have put it on display in your mushroom fortress.

I dunno about that, glass got pretty easy to get once you hit a high enough level due to there being serious issues with the economy, i.e Daedric weapons being worth so much and being so easy to find. ATM my character has 260K and i'm not even trying.

ottenni:

Sebenko:

ottenni:

If my memory serves me correct, and it should. There were about two sets of daedric armour in Morrowind. While in Oblivion you could stack the stuff roof high. And the absence of Artifact armour sucked.

Yeah, there was one set on Divath Fyr, minus helm, and the rest were scattered across the map, including expansions. So the only way to get it was to either kill one of the game's essential characters, or go on an awesome massive quest to get the armour, so it actually felt impressive instead of more tat.

Even if you used glass armour instead, you sure as hell should have put it on display in your mushroom fortress.

I dunno about that, glass got pretty easy to get once you hit a high enough level due to there being serious issues with the economy, i.e Daedric weapons being worth so much and being so easy to find. ATM my character has 260K and i'm not even trying.

I think he was sayign that even if your character didn't use heavy armor, you still got daedric armor because it was bitchin'.

Also, this made me lol, very very hard.

I wish they would just remake morrowind with oblivions graphics and journal. And a fucking pack guar.

ottenni:

Sebenko:

ottenni:

If my memory serves me correct, and it should. There were about two sets of daedric armour in Morrowind. While in Oblivion you could stack the stuff roof high. And the absence of Artifact armour sucked.

Yeah, there was one set on Divath Fyr, minus helm, and the rest were scattered across the map, including expansions. So the only way to get it was to either kill one of the game's essential characters, or go on an awesome massive quest to get the armour, so it actually felt impressive instead of more tat.

Even if you used glass armour instead, you sure as hell should have put it on display in your mushroom fortress.

I dunno about that, glass got pretty easy to get once you hit a high enough level due to there being serious issues with the economy, i.e Daedric weapons being worth so much and being so easy to find. ATM my character has 260K and i'm not even trying.

I meant you put the Daedric armour on display. Glass was pretty damn easy to get, but not as easy to get as on Oblivion, especially with Tribunal, since it had the only merchants in the game outside the two creature merchants that had more than ~1500 gold to barter with.

One of the few humourous reviews to get a laugh out of me. Well done. I applaud you good sir.

Sebenko:

I meant you put the Daedric armour on display. Glass was pretty damn easy to get, but not as easy to get as on Oblivion, especially with Tribunal, since it had the only merchants in the game outside the two creature merchants that had more than ~1500 gold to barter with.

True. Well there was one fighters guild guy who had 4000 but you had to kill him so that was irrelevant. And Ebony was much harder to get too, and then there was stahlrim in bloodmoon. God that stuff was a pain.

EClaris:

I think he was sayign that even if your character didn't use heavy armor, you still got daedric armor because it was bitchin'.

Yes i understand now. And yes it was wicked, in fact so was glass and dwavern. In fact i collect the stuff in my stronghold because its not worth selling it looks that cool. Something that gets blown in your face when every second bandit has a set.

I thought this was bloody brilliant, excellent style, I'm loving the "Pimpin' Reviews" Banner.

The only thing I would say is that I was surprised to see that you loved Oblivion, because I thought the bottom line was Oblivion is one step forward two steps back from Morrowind, or that Oblivion was made to be more mainstream and not adhere to the Elder Scrolls lore. I wouldn't know, I've only played Oblivion, but that's what I got from reading the journal. Either way - it was an enjoyable read.

syndicated44:
...So my chase has ended and I have learned now that befriending ever guard in town resisting arrest and then dropping all of my stolen goods then yielding and paying a fine is a hell of a lot easier then escaping William McStucko whom I know on good authority is the captain of the guard in hell.

Very funny, sounds like an extra adventure - pitch it as a DLC idea.

Very nice satire, I do prefer Morrowind over Oblivion simply because of the character it had and how large the world seemed when there was no instant fast travel and no map markers.

Mr.Tramline:
I thought this was bloody brilliant, excellent style, I'm loving the "Pimpin' Reviews" Banner.

The only thing I would say is that I was surprised to see that you loved Oblivion, because I thought the bottom line was Oblivion is one step forward two steps back from Morrowind, or that Oblivion was made to be more mainstream and not adhere to the Elder Scrolls lore. I wouldn't know, I've only played Oblivion, but that's what I got from reading the journal. Either way - it was an enjoyable read.

syndicated44:
...So my chase has ended and I have learned now that befriending ever guard in town resisting arrest and then dropping all of my stolen goods then yielding and paying a fine is a hell of a lot easier then escaping William McStucko whom I know on good authority is the captain of the guard in hell.

Very funny, sounds like an extra adventure - pitch it as a DLC idea.

The thief the cop and the vintage wine. The ultimate prize would be a bottle of wine worth a million gold and you could only sell it for 1200. I miss my mudcrab from morrowind.

Mr.Tramline:
I thought this was bloody brilliant, excellent style, I'm loving the "Pimpin' Reviews" Banner.

The only thing I would say is that I was surprised to see that you loved Oblivion, because I thought the bottom line was Oblivion is one step forward two steps back from Morrowind, or that Oblivion was made to be more mainstream and not adhere to the Elder Scrolls lore. I wouldn't know, I've only played Oblivion, but that's what I got from reading the journal. Either way - it was an enjoyable read.

Sure, I give Oblivion many of the criticisms that all veteran Morrowind players do, but to be honest, I loved the game a lot. It was a lot easier to just get into it. Oblivion made the game better gameplaywise, Morrowind had a larger and more in depth world. Hopefully TES V has both!

I;ve made more mods for Oblivion than for Morrowind, and that counts for something

Fantastic. Speaking of ES3, I must say that the reason I prefer Oblivion is its quick play. Morrowind doesn't level everything to you, so that discourages simply starting a new character and trying a new play style. Has anyone else tried an Illusionist in Oblivion. It's simple fantastic. Couldn't have be as effective in Morrowind until the late game, when you could afford enchantments, and especially with the lack of Magicka regen.

Onyx Oblivion:
Fantastic. Speaking of ES3, I must say that the reason I prefer Oblivion is its quick play. Morrowind doesn't level everything to you, so that discourages simply starting a new character and trying a new play style. Has anyone else tried an Illusionist in Oblivion. It's simple fantastic. Couldn't have be as effective in Morrowind until the late game, when you could afford enchantments, and especially with the lack of Magicka regen.

Lots of old time TES fans blame Obivion for being dumbed down to be more accesible.

While they do make some valid points, I think TES is better off for it. I would like to see them go back to the old system of armor and skills, I like the addition of fast travel and the compass. Only they should have made the player able to turn them off if they desired.

pimppeter2:

Onyx Oblivion:
Fantastic. Speaking of ES3, I must say that the reason I prefer Oblivion is its quick play. Morrowind doesn't level everything to you, so that discourages simply starting a new character and trying a new play style. Has anyone else tried an Illusionist in Oblivion. It's simple fantastic. Couldn't have be as effective in Morrowind until the late game, when you could afford enchantments, and especially with the lack of Magicka regen.

Lots of old time TES fans blame Obivion for being dumbed down to be more accesible.

While they do make some valid points, I think TES is better off for it. I would like to see them go back to the old system of armor and skills, I like the addition of fast travel and the compass. Only they should have made the player able to turn them off if they desired.

I tried morrowind after oblivion, and it was fun but I did not get very far.
It wasent that it was hard, it was actually the grapics of all things.
I'm never one to shy away from a game because of shitty graphics but for some reason I could not immerse myself in the game.

One part I remember that also frustrated me (but is now funny as shit) is when I first stole something then tried to sell it to the owner of the Item.
He didn't find it as funny as I did and killed me.
I didn't know I wasn't allowed to do that!
In oblivion you cannot sell stolen items (unless its to a fence) so I can see what you mean by it being dumbed down.

IanBrazen:

pimppeter2:

Onyx Oblivion:
Fantastic. Speaking of ES3, I must say that the reason I prefer Oblivion is its quick play. Morrowind doesn't level everything to you, so that discourages simply starting a new character and trying a new play style. Has anyone else tried an Illusionist in Oblivion. It's simple fantastic. Couldn't have be as effective in Morrowind until the late game, when you could afford enchantments, and especially with the lack of Magicka regen.

Lots of old time TES fans blame Obivion for being dumbed down to be more accesible.

While they do make some valid points, I think TES is better off for it. I would like to see them go back to the old system of armor and skills, I like the addition of fast travel and the compass. Only they should have made the player able to turn them off if they desired.

I tried morrowind after oblivion, and it was fun but I did not get very far.
It wasent that it was hard, it was actually the grapics of all things.
I'm never one to shy away from a game because of shitty graphics but for some reason I could not immerse myself in the game.

One part I remember that also frustrated me (but is now funny as shit) is when I first stole something then tried to sell it to the owner of the Item.
He didn't find it as funny as I did and killed me.
I didn't know I wasn't allowed to do that!
In oblivion you cannot sell stolen items (unless its to a fence) so I can see what you mean by it being dumbed down.

Yea, the graphics are pretty bad.

I also disliked the Journal system alot

Not to mention the Combat was for shitters

I could see myself not being able to get immersed in Morrowind if I had tried it after Oblivion

Of course, when I revisit it now a days, I have it modded so much it barely resembles the Original Game

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