Let me ask you something. Have you ever heard about a game in which you play as a successful crack-addict pretending to be talented while abusing his place as role-model for children all over the world so that he can make lots and lots of money, even though all he ever does is play cover after cover after cover of other peoples songs?
... Oh, so you have heard of Guitar Hero? Well, then it isn't as fun to review it if you already know about it... I'll review Power Pete instead I guess.
"Back off, this is MY furry!
Power Pete, or Mighty Mike as it is called nowadays, is yet another title from game developer Pangea Software. You know, those guys who brought you Nanosaur? Yeah, they aren't a one-hit-wonder development team; they've made other awesome games. And in terms of obscurities, Power Pete is even crazier than Nanosaur. Oh yes, you heard me right. This is crazier than a game about a flying dinosaur from the future that wields a pistol firing lasers.
Power Pete is about a famous action figure by the same name, who during one night comes to life, along with every other toy in the store. However, these toys don't care much for Pete, since he is the reason why they aren't popular toys anymore. But Pete, being the hero that he is, decides to risk his life against the hordes of toys that want him dead. And why does he do this? Because he must save the poor little plush rabbits who ran away from their cage! With the help of his awesome arsenal of weapons specifically designed for him, Power Pete ventures into the Store to retrieve them all.
This game is, in short, insane. Actually, insane people aren't this insane. Nor are they this creative. This game is.... special. Yeah, that word will work.
Excuuuuuuse me princess, but I'm gonna have to kick your ass!
You have 5 different levels, all which have 3 different stages. You must find all the rabbits in one stage to be able to continue to the next. Once you've completed all 3 stages of a level, you advance to the next level. There are 5 levels in total, and they are as follows:
Prehistoric Plaza: Here, Power Pete must face cavemen and dinosaurs (Who, sadly, don't wield laser guns). While the cavemen are merely a nuisance, the several different dinosaurs can be a pain. They are faster than you; they do a lot of damage, and they take a few bullets to kill. But they don't last long against the strongest power-ups anyway, so it's not too hard. But be prepared to play this level a lot, because when all your lives are gone, no matter on what level you are currently playing, you have to start from the beginning. And trust me, the cavemen's constant "Ungabunga" will drive you insane.
After Prehistoric Plaza comes Candy Cane Lane. Here, you fight several candy-inspired monsters, like huge chocolate kangaroo's, caramels of death, and blobs that turn into more blobs when you shoot them. The setting is mouthwatering, and if you have the ability to concentrate on the game rather than drooling all over your keyboard, I salute you good sir. You clearly have no taste buds, and you where fed vegetables all your childhood.
After completing that, you move on to Fairy Tale Trail, a magical place where you fight witches, werewolfs, knights, soldiers, and all those other good stuff. This level can be a pain. The witches have of course poisoned many of the apples through the stages, so sometimes, when you desperately need health, you will grab an apple, and die. And unlike the story of Snow-white, no prince is coming to kiss the pain away from you.
Now, I know that there are two levels left... But I never completed either one of them. Yes, how hard it may be to imagine, I wasn't always a god of gaming. There was a time when I didn't score tactical nukes every game, or defeated every character in Tekken with one hand. No, when I played Power Pete, I only came up to the 4th level. The Magic Funhouse...
You have not experienced fear until you've tried to defeat the evil clowns of doom! That level kicked my ass! And you know what's worse? Even if I did complete it, I wouldn't have gotten to the final stage, because to do that, you need to play the game on hard. Oh yeah, no pussies are allowed to see the final stage, motherfuckers!
So those are the stages. Now, for the guns, I don't remember them myself, but I copy-pasted them form the Wikipedia page, so just check them out when you have the time. But not now! You are listening to me right now. Don't make me kick your ass.
Aside from awesome weapons and cool enemies, Power Pete has badass one-liners. Classics like "Don't worry, I'll save you!" or "Get back you fiend!". And then there's always the awesome sentence uttered whenever he gets a 1-up: "FREE DUDE"
Strangely enough, that's exactly what I say towards the end of having sex
OK, so I've told you about Nanosaur and I've told you about Power Pete, and so I want all of you to write in the comments: "Pangea Software rulez!". Do it now, I'll wait.
You done? Good.
Now, Pangea is still making games, but it isn't as glorious as before. Nowadays they work on making games for the iPhone. It's one thing for developers to go out of business, but to see them reduced to this? It brings a tear to my eye. If only they where given the chance to develop games for the newest generation. Think about it: We might be missing out on the most obscure titles ever made... and they would be awesome.
We salute you, Pangea Software. May you one day develop crazy games in development heaven.
And Treyarch... I'll see you in development hell!
Until next time, don't forget: If it's sweet, it wants to kill you.