...flaming battle-axe that's also a lightning-summoning guitar? Oh right, because she is my Clemintine and I need her to...
- kill everyone.
Meanwhile in nerd history -
...Jack Black and Tim Schafer really were in the planning stages for Brutal Legend 2, they just didn't want to admit it until they're in alpha-testing.
The next time Ozzy Osborne offers to upgrade my car, I'll...
say: "wait, Ozzy's not a mechanic!"
That's right! I killed . . .
...the world! And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for...
- those meddling kids and their guitar that shoots lightning.
Sometimes I wonder if I should just -
...dance with these skeletons in the pale moonlight.
It'll be a better use of my skills than trying to dance with the flower-girl at that wedding because...
She is actually made of flowers.
...smash the skeletons to bits and use their bones to build a cannibal's food cage.
But when the food escapes via Flintstones-inspired methods...
- you need to burn it.
Fyre festival is best -
-avoided like the plague.
When a cat naps in your lap, it is imperative you...
- smack it for daring to touch you.
I do enjoy a good -
...animal abuse, apparently.
The next excellent horror movie will feature a monster that...
- kills people by ripping their spines out.
How many roads must -
...killer old men escort children across during a global extinction event before we're done exploring the human condition in that specific way?
Anti-American Eagle is obviously as excited for the next Predator movie as I am, but neither of us expected the surprise hit in...
Robert Rodriguez's Predators.
The orgy was brought to a grinding halt by. . .
- the guns shoved in the back of the people who didn't realize they were a sacrifice.
I am -
The Dragon Warrior!
Get it! see the giant. . .
- man, eating our children!
Stop it now while we still -
have children to offer as tribute to be spared from Yyog Sossoth.
Get Ready to feel the . . .
- burning taste of the new Gatorade!
It's fire-ifficly -
designed to burn the esophagus.
The academy award for the female orgasm goes to. . .
Geoffrey rush! Wait really?
When you get down to brass tacks.............
you have to wonder why they are making tacks out of brass.
My warriors, follow me and I shall lead you to. . .
a disappointing meal and really bad music.
This button will...
......Open the door to the elevator.
Why did you tell......
Johnny to buzz off? now he thinks he's a fly!
Oh great, I think I just stepped in. . .
- my neighbours blood.
Somebody once told me -
you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend.
If you can't beat them. . .
- splatter them across the pavement. That'll stop them.
dead in their tracks!
I was too spicy for. . .
- my clocks.
How many clocks does it take to -
to make a clockwork golem?
The Broncos incredible run to their Super Bowl 50 championship made me feel . . .
I can't think of a more appropriate time to...
Did you know that in Baton Rouge it is illegal to ride a giraffe while. . .