Granted. Welcome to the Kingdom of Caring, home of Care Bears.
I wish I had more books.
You have every book, but they are all in a long-forgotten language.
I wish I had more things to do.
Granted, you don't have enough time to do any of them!
I wish I had a clue.
I wish for a lawyer to write out these wishes for me.
You get one, meet my good friend
I wish I was more tolerant.
Granted, your tolerance morphs into extreme apathy for everything.
I wish for Cookie Dough ice cream that isn't terrible for your body.
Granted, but you only get to eat it once.
I wish I had a jetpack.
You get an awesome jet-pack, but every time you use it, you hit an invisible wall a meter above your head.
I wish for a comfier bed.
Your bed is very comfortable, milud, but I am sorry to report that it is filled with wasps.
I wish for the chance to sleep with Brian Blessed.
Granted, you literally only sleep with him, and you don't go to sleep or wake up with him.
I wish I had a better saw to cut wood with. Hand saws take forever.
Granted you now can only use balsa wood.
I wish to remember 2012 fondly.
Granted, you fondly remember everything bad that happened and everyone thinks you're a psycho.
I wish to have a good New Year's.
Granted you wake up New Years Day in the drunk tank at the local PD.
I wish my flatscreen was bigger.
Granted it is now equally wide and deep. You have an old box television essentially.
I wish for a box of fireworks.
Granted, the moment you touch them, they go off in your face.
I wish for less alcohol.
Granted, all of your alcohol has now been given to children.
I wish my dog wasn't sick. :[
I wish I wasn't this horribly evil.
Granted, people treat you like a doormat cause you're so nice.
I wish I was less bitter about things.
Granted! Now you're super nice and optimistic, to the point that no one will talk to you!
I wish dogs never died. Sigh.
I wish I was horribly evil again so I am not a doormat.
Granted, your a evil doormat that eats little old ladies shoes.
I wish I was Batman.
I wish people would read the wishes and note the things I specifically stated I wouldn't be coughdoormatcough.
Granted, You're a matdoor. How does that work? I have no clue.
I wish I was more clever.
Granted, you are .001% more clever than before.
I wish I could not go and do the to be the after the before next when the at.
I wish the person who granted this wish would be more clever.
Granted. He used his cleverness to explode your head before you could exploded his.
I wish for... canadian orange juice.
Granted. You find out you're allergic to it... the hard way.
I wish for more derailing.
Granted we are now making this a MLP thread.
I wish for more time in a day.
Granted, you just got more work hours!
I wish for some more pizza!
Granted... IT'S ALL HAWAIIAN! (I hate pineapple so...)
I wish that the world can be like the Fallout world.
Granted, you are a ghoul who is standing in front of my characters way *BAM*
I wish for the world to be more like Pokemon!
Granted animal cruelty is at an all time high and the police/nurse force are all clones.
I wish for a voice like Tom Waits.
Granted. However, due to copyright concerns, you are now embroiled in a multimillion dollar lawsuit with him.
I wish for Canada.
Granted, we nuked it so now you're stuck in Fallout-Canadian edition.
I wish for a new copy of Fallout New Vegas.
I wish I had a high end PC.