Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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In place of your hair your body begins to excrete a corrosive thick oily black substace with a strong scent of sulphur. You can't wash off.

I wish everybody was born in a body which matched their gender idenity.

This reliable consistency of body and soul preserves prejudice against people who like to act like the other gender just for fun.

I wish to see right through you, to the real you.

Granted, but I'm the invisible man.
Song reference wars

I wish I was a little bit taller

You hit your head on low hanging objects.

I wish I could be remembered after death.

Granted! The acts that lead to your passing were so deplorable that your name became an insult.

I wish shaving facial hair was easy and comfortable.

Granted, but you live in Ice Age Antarctica.

I wish the notion of holiday tradition didn't turn everyone into mindless drones.

Granted, now people read in to the original meaning of the holiday to the point of obsession and begin show signs of religious/ideological zeal for the duration of the celebration.

I wish forests, rainforests and tundras stopped being destroyed by human industrial expansion

Industries expand upon their own constructs, creating towering eyesores.

All plants are now the plant/animal hybrids that Poison Ivy always wanted, and so hostile that it's impossible for herbivores to eat anything; all of our mega-fauna ecosystems go extinct.

I wish Venus was safe to visit.

But the weather is unbearable.

I wish I could do parkour.

Granted, however you become way too overconfident in your abulities, which leads to a few painful, though hilarious accidents

I wish all powerful social structures were run by individuals with a keep sense of morality and ethics.

UltraDeth:
But the weather is unbearable.

I take it you mean "on the level of very bad Earth weather", as in it's been barely improved enough to not kill us? Sure.

"Keep", for the purpose of this wish, means the opposite of "keen".

I wish typos never happened.

Grammar Nazis distribute severe punishments to those who commit grammatical/typographical errors.

I wish depression wasn't so overwhelming.

Granted. Raw, seething hatred takes its place as being overwhelming.

I wish all it took to become a kung fu master was a 5 minute training montage

Granted! Due to the fact that each and every person is now able to attain peak martial arts skills in a few minutes, the importance and social relevance of such a profession are devalued. Being a black belt is as impressive as having an abulity to ride a bike.

Kung Fu is later banned after an accident involving a mentally unstable teenager snapping the necks of 20 of his fellow classmates and teachers.

I wish humans could not do any harm to other humans.

People end up spoilt.

I wish I could escape into a dream world when feeling low.

You become dependent on that dream world to feel any happiness, and much like a drug addict you leave the real world behind, a recluse forevermore.

I wish for the best pair of headphones

You have headphones with volume-control so complex that you could identify events happening miles away from the recording equipment regardless of how many walls or competing noise there was, but you neglect to check the settings before the first test and the loudness of it permanently deafens you.

I wish Ultradeth would understand the difference between "never happening" and "punished severely every time it happens".

A deterrent is more likely to prevent something.

I wish all fruit was easy to peel.

Certain fruit, such as citrus, become so easy to peel that they peel themselves. Hanging from a tree becomes too much stress and they simply fall out before harvest, wrecking havoc on the margins of farmers worldwide, and plunging the world into a global, food scarcity induced depression.

I wish sickness was curable through wicked fun entertainment

Sick children the world over are cured by watching hardcore porn, the most wicked of entertainment.

I wish people would realize the most logical method of sex education is to just show porn.

Children as young as 2 can watch porn.

I wish it was acceptable to bring criminals in dead or alive.

This change triggers the slippery slope, and within a year the American people have decided to ditch the government and revert to Sheriff laws country-wide.

I wish this kid Nick next to me would fuck off a bit.

He takes that as rejection commits suicide.

I wish it was medically possible to make people smarter.

The procedure is effective, however the patients suffer from Flowers for Algernon syndrome.

I wish humans could decide on their gender and apperance once they turn 18.

It's a one-time only ordeal and Tattoo Regret skyrockets as hordes of idiot teens transform into all assortment of stupid-looking monsters and ruin their own career opportunities.

I wish to travel to whichever of these 234 "laser planets" is most hospitable and lead a peaceful or adventurous life there.

Under the light of the setting Alpha Cetari sun you gaze into the milky way, thanking the forces that made you a pioneer and cursing yourself for becoming a hermit that would never see another human face again.

I wish humans put as much deductive thought and effort into politics and social engineering as they do into entertainment and their personal lives.

Thinking politics takes up all their time and they have no focus for enjoyable things.

I wish the universe didn't have to end.

Even the biggest black holes in the Universe -including the "Cosmic Egg" from which the Big Bang happened- bleed the same Hawking Radiation that became atoms billions of years ago and atoms become when excess vacuum tears them apart. The entire Infiniverse is founded on this flow of mass increasing and decreasing in density like the elevation of waves in the ocean. But even the biggest Galactic Empire or eldritch abomination will never get to witness even a tiny fraction of the entire Infiniverse and both have agreed that Earth of the Sol System, Milky Way should be either enslaved or dismantled anyway.

I wish cheese didn't make me fart so much.

You're allergic to all dairy products.

I wish to be the Hero everybody needs.

Cheese now blockades the lower parts of the digestive system, preventing any matter, liquid or gas from getting out of your body.

I wish for good healthcare to be universally available

Level 7 Dragon:
Cheese now blockades the lower parts of the digestive system, preventing any matter, liquid or gas from getting out of your body.

I wish for good healthcare to be universally available

Please don't erase this, you did so much better. Gassy-ness from cheese is a symptom of lactose intolerance, which IS DAIRY ALLERGY.

We need Ultradeth to save us, but he never does it. L7 Dragon fixes Obamacare to be more like Canadian Healthcare, but Big Pharma throws a tantrum and sends the U.S. into a deep Depression.

I wish Ultradeth would just give up on this game.

Screw you, too.

I wish meat wasn't fattening.

It isn't-
-with proper exercise.

I wish gum could satisfy hunger

But, it lacks proper vitamins and is very unhealthy.

I wish to be a saviour in a cursed land.

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