Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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After saving their community, a preist stabs you in the back. The last things you remember is being carried towards a large cauldron. Perhaps, you should have thought think twice before traveling to tribes that have a habit of canibalizing their champions.

I wish people wern't racist.

It takes an alien invasion to give people something else to direct their hatred at. Specism replaces racism.

I wish I could teach Kung Fu.

Your job amounts to hooking knuckleheads into VR chairs and uploading Kung-Fu into their brains.

I wish The Matrix was as smart as everybody thinks it is.

It becomes too smart for you to comprehend, and you end up feeling like the Inception memes when that movie first came out.

I wish bosses didn't try to snivel their way out of paying out to their employees after half-going out of business

The entire accounting departments commit mass suicide when stocks drop lower than 5%, this leads to drops in accounting jobs and a stock disaster.

I wish I could do my own stunts.

Your first stunt is to jump into an active volcano.

I wish the Denver Broncos had won Super Bowl 50.

Only to lose over the ensuing century, just like the Red Sox.

I wish good old Jim Ross would announce every good deed I accomplish.

Jim Ross now comments on every action you perform and potential consequences of said action on society at large, which leads to a state of solitude and deep contemplation of life.

I wish the user UltraDeth would go outside for a walk, take a breath of fresh air, meet a cute girl and invite her over for a date and stop going around forums replying to every single game thread.

I don't go on every forum game. And I'm not sociable.

I wish I could get a free spare of everything I buy.

Only to lose over the ensuing century, just like the Red Sox.

haha jokes on you, because the Broncos did win super bowl 50!

Granted, everything you buy is now super defective and the spare must be salvaged for spare parts to fix the original.

I wish NBC's football night in America would dump Carrie Underwood (the lyrics weren't the problem it was the talentless redneck you had "singing" them!) and she gains 20 pounds a week for the next 20 weeks.

Carrie Underwood's weight gain causes mass suicides among her fans. (yes I am ruining my own wish)

I wish instead of the Wii fit Trainer Nintendo had added Bomber-man to smash brothers.

Granted. He is quickly removed for negative assossiations to terrorism.

I wish america had Bernie Sanders as president

He gets impeached for treason.

I wish my house had a private underground monorail that connected to everywhere in England.

Granted. The maintenance costs cause you to go broke.

I wish you could fix stupid.


I wish non-biodegradables could be atomized.

Granted. The "atomization" leads to an atomic explosion.

I wish I was a Kung Fu master.

I have to save the world over and over.

I wish Pete Morelli and the crew of cross-eyed dumbass officials from sunday night's game would be stuck in a cage for 12 hours with a bunch of monkeys experiencing explosive diarrhea.

Granted, you're stuck in there with them.

I wish for pancakes.

They're off.

I wish the meaning of life was obvious.

Granted, but it's the kind of truth you wish you didn't know.

I wish I could connect with people better.

Assimilation in progress.

I wish fear and depression didn't exist.

We now lack even the most basic preservation instincts and any mental abilities that would be lost to depression like social connections and the joy that is derived from using talents.

I wish City of 1,000 Planets well at the box office.

God knows how many memes, copycats and internet debates ensue.

I wish reincarnation was real.

Congratulations, you're now a mother butt-worm and your life is dedicated to making peoples' butts itchy and poop-smeared whenever you lay eggs.

I wish butt-worms didn't exist.

Butt-huggers are in their place.

I wish to die a George Cross recipient.

Granted, here is your paint bucket.

I wish for free internet service.

With a limited package.

I wish developers had full creative control of their works.

Great, now we're swarmed with George Lucas-types who never listen to constructive criticism.

I wish Mrs. Lucas was given the respect she deserves for fixing half of what would have been wrong the the Original Trilogy.

She is hated in equals amounts by the exact same people giving said respect.

I wish all of you would have a very merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, happy? Kwanzaa (What is the greeting for Kwanzaa? someone help me out here.) Happy holidays, and a Happy New Year!

Everyone you didn't mention doesn't get the same good fortune.

I wish being a hero was as glorious as fiction makes out.

There are No More Heroes.

I wish those games had smarter comedy and plot.

Disposing of great mechanics and decent play time.

I wish Xenomorphs were friendly.

You are now a citizen of Planet 51, where xenomorphs are friendly dogs with acid-urine. And you have no dick.

I wish for a working weaponless Iron Man suit.

It's useless against all hostiles.

I wish I could be assimilated into high society.

You know what, no. What part of "weaponless" indicates I want to engage with hostiles in the first place? I'm just asking for a protective flying suit and for the wish to go bad somehow. I hereby refuse to acknowledge any of your wishes until you actually manage to understand mine.

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