Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Well that is several billion dollar industries just gone up in smoke. America's economy goes into a half century long great depression.

I wish I had a pet dragon!

Within hours, it burns your house down and is effectively captured and put to "sleep" by animal control.

I wish I was never gifted that $200 baby iguana who ran off and got eaten by a cat.

Granted but instead you got no presents.
Another year another forgotten birthday.
As this day dwindles into the lasting twilight.
A chill of loneliness rests on the forefront of thought.

I wish I didn't write that emo garbage.

Granted. You live that emo garbage instead!

I wish landmines were never invented.

With nothing to do, that man who has been disarming over 30,000 of his own landmines since the Vietnam War gets bored and starts killing innocent children.

I wish to understand some peoples' murderous obsession with shiny things like gold.

You become possessed by said obsessions.

I wish Toothless was my pet!

Your house is fine, but you're still arrested for harboring a dangerous animal.

I wish teaching cats to use the toilet (a real thing) was normal enough that kitty litter isn't even a viable product.

The cat spends all **** day in the bathroom and leaves the seat up every single time!

I wish Hayley Williams (lead singer for Paramore) was my girlfriend!

Hayley Williams is secretly a serial mutilator with a penis collection.

I wish it wasn't this easy to turn your obvious fantasies against you.

Granted I now only wish for different shades of off white to appear less regularly in paint catalogs these days.

I wish for what I just typed.

Your wish for "I now only wish for different shades of off white to appear less regularly in paint catalogs these days." is granted, so that's what you wished for.

I wish to not make a wish.

Granted. You become obsessed with collecting paint catalogues.

I wish common sense was actually common.

Granted but now we have no sense of personal safety.

I wish to be the master of unlocking.

Sure thing, but you're in a mansion full of zombies and there are no guns handy.

I wish for a movie to be made that is A Bug's Life crossed with Dracula; I call it...Tarancula.

It's so horrible it causes the death of the horror genre.

I wish I would be medically cleared for the Air National Guard.

You have perfect health, but Secret Orders task you with faking a chemical terrorist attack via remote drone on a water park.

I wish for A penny.

you find out only after picking it up that it was coated in an enzyme that causes your hair to fall out. ALL OF IT!

I wish I could teach Kung Fu.

Your dead-end job resembles a cross between a barber and Gamestop clerk; all you do is plug martial arts programs into customers' cybernetic skulls and they leave knowing all the moves.

I wish you didn't give me that obvious opportunity to reference The Matrix.

Granted. You are in the Matrix instead!

I wish for endless tacos!

Infinitely and rapidly spawning tacos completely overwhelm all space in the Universe and collapse everything we've ever known into a new cosmic egg.

I wish for everyone to have perfect metabolism, completely negating the need of bathrooms.

Granted but with out poop there's no poop jokes and sadly comedy ceases to exist. The mundane takes over and the human race chooses to go extinct. It turns out the greatest joke was life itself.

I wish rugby was the national sport of America.

Americans find a way to make the game even more vicious and brutal than it already is!

I wish Falling Skies would have been greenlight for a sixth season and had a much more satisfying conclusion.

Granted, but the script is turned into DLC for the game and you have to play THAT to get the good ending.

I wish Tera Nova had Season 2, with the dino-rider pirates as promised.

It's directed by Michael Bay, the dinosaurs all look the same, and everything explodes constantly.

I wish the next poster would get their dream job.

I direct exciting and fantastical movies with commercial and critical success on a regular basis, but I also become a serial killer who targets anybody who enjoys alcohol and get away with it because my filming locations are all over the world.

I wish life never started on any planet.

well thanks. now none of us exist.

I wish blizzard didn't have this sudden hard on for solo greater rifts (to join a public game on any difficulty higher than torment 6 the character has to first complete a solo greater rift. 35 for T7, 40 for T8 and so on.)

Granted, but the Auction House is now in all Blizzard AND Activision games.

I wish those two never joined forces.

haha. what auction house?

granted. instead EA and activision join forces!

I wish for an end to all war.

All human-on-human use of weapons is no more, but learning that Diablo III originally released with a player-to-player auction house where real money is traded for loot found by others sends you into such a blind fury that you seek to fist-fight literally everyone who worked on Diablo III; all those who still work at Blizzard gang up on you.

I wish Diablo III on PS3 would be getting the next expansion pack.

granted. it is chock full of horrible bugs.

Even though I don't know the first thing about composition, I wish I could take Hans Zimmer's master class, just to be in the presence of such greatness.

Hans has to cancel and it is instead taught by Danny Elfman! NOOOOO!

I wish for endless watermelon.

Granted the shear amount of watermelon that has gone bad makes the smell unbearable and people begin to go mad.

I wish I was better at sportsball.

Granted. you become the world's greatest at sportsball, but you become so inept at everything else you need assistance with even the simplest tasks such as tying your shoes.

I wish I had the strength of a thousand men!

That would be handy but also very damaging to anything you touch. Ever had a thousand men give one high five?

I wish I could swim the English channel.

Granted. you are now a fish living in the English channel.

I wish I could form my own country and have this be the national anthem:

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