Mall Fight - Back To Basics (Open)

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I flop backwards and smack into the side of the ball-pit and crack my skull. "Hah... I got blown to death..." I say as I fall to... China, apparently.

I respawn in a sports shop and get a baseball bat, tennis racket, hockey stick, cricket pads and a sweat band.

"No one can defeat the all mighty power of my vacuum cleaner!!" I shout as the vacuum cleaner races off looking for a new victim.

I am shot at high speed from Zeph's vacuum, hitting Trilby and sending us both flying into still exploding fireworks store.

"Haha! Fear the amazing power that is the vacuum cleaner!!"

I run around until I see Zeph, then I point my baseball bat at him. "I've come prepared for you and your balls." I say, waving the tennis racket.

"Bring it on!!" I shouted as I charge at Twibly with my vacuum cleaner. Turning to the hyper suck feature, Twibly has trouble keeping his footing.

"Gah!" I gasp, then run away. "I wasn't expecting him to try and suck me off... *dramatic pause while I choose my words* the ground."
Zeph approaches, and I take my bat in both hands and swing at his face.

I grab the vacuum handle part with both hands and block the bat swing. The crash of metal sounds throughout the entire mall!

"Look! Your clanging woke the Kraken!" I yell distractingly, then upper-bat Zeph in the crotch.

"AHH!! MA Ballz!" I fall on top of the vacuum cleaner, and it switches to blow. The gust launches the vacuum away from Twibly as I lie on top in pain.

The air makes me stagger, and I follow the vacuum.
I stand over Zeph, take my hockey stick and raise it over his head. "Ice to see you."
I hit his face straight-on.

I die, but the impact was enough to open the bag compartment of the vacuum cleaner. Twibly was bombarded with a rainbow of plastic balls.

I respawn back in the food court and grab some Mango Chicken from the one Chinesse food store.

I yelp at the horde of Zeph's balls, and begin hitting them with my tennis racket.

I respawn, and grab the deadliest weapon known to man....THE CRICKET BAT!
I then enlighten Trilby to some Australian customs, most of them involving Cricket bats meeting faces.

I stagger back, then use the tennis racket as a shield and start trying to bash Knife's head in.

I finish the mango chicken which was delicious and then grab a couple more chop sticks. "Now to find that crazy sports enthusiast."

It's me vs Trilby, tennis vs cricket bat, Aussie vs whatever nationality he is because I'm too lazy to look at his profile.

We fight, and in Mall Fight tradition, this plays.

I walk by and shoot Knife and Trilby with a gun, anti climatically ending the duel.

I stab Eric's eyes with the chop sticks. "They were fighting you twit!"

I respawn inside of Zep's brain.

"So was I! I just did it with a gun!" (Me)

My brain grows arms and legs and starts fighting Eric.

I wrestle it into submission.

"Ha! I am the master!" (Me)

My Brain's Brain climbs out with a bazooka! Exploding Eric to nothing but splatter.

"Now to take over the Mall!!" It shouted.

I respawn.

"We're doing plot in this Mall Fight!?" (Me)

I respawn infornt of Eric, grab him around the neck, and teleport to The Highest Point In The Mall (Or THPITM).
"Read the rules Eric,No Conventional Weapons." His gun disappears, and I throw him off THPITM.

I spawn behind Knife uppercut him in the groin he throws up and then I kick him off THPITM.

During my victory dance I slip and fall off THPITM and land on Eric killing both of us.

Knife: Fall in a more hard-boiled manner.
This is how a real man falls. A man's man.

As I recover from the mental attack. I run over to a trampoline store. I put it under Knife's fall.

As he lands he is sent back up to THPITM, but goes higher and impacts a ceiling, splattering everywhere.

whatever nationality he is because I'm too lazy to look at his profile.

OOC: I'm Scottish.
Just... yep.

I spawn in a bakery and arm myself... with cake.
And bread knives.
And a hairnet for head protection. Lucky I did, because bits of Knife splatter onto me as I leave.

I respawn.

"Knife, this gun shoots killer bees, not bullets, and is thus unconventional." (Me)

I shoot a horde of loyal killer bees at Knife. They invade his every orifice and brutally murder him.

I plant a slice of Victoria Sponge on a plate on the ground and lie in wait in the shadows.
This plan cannot possibly fail, because everyone loves cake.

I grab a mall-cop car, and race down the hallway, running over Twibly's cake trap.

I make a sad face, then scrawl 'smooshed my cake' onto my list of Reasons I'll Kill Zeph, under 'vacuum cleaner' and 'balls'.
Then I throw down a cupcake.

I put the cart into reverse and run over the cupcake too.

OoC: I'm a horrible person...

I perform a sweet-ass ninja-style leap and (mostly) decapitate Zeph with my two bread knives, then start driving around with my new allies Mr Body and Sir Head.

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