King of the Hill: AVATAR EDITION

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What? Mrs. Conagher? You been stayin with my ma?!
*Returns to Earth*
Demon, It's high time that I wipe that dumb look right off your stupid face. You best start prayin'.

*Hits with Gold Wrench, turning the demon into solid Australium*

I guess I'll get back on the armadillo again, but it ain't no fun now that it's dead.

Hey, I didn't even know it was your--
*thwack*
Ugh...never seen that one before. This might take me a while to get out of, but...I've had worse.

But I am alive. I rebuild myself. I'm just missing an eye for now.

Anyways, this time The Engineer gets flung into his ma's house, and is now stuck in Ma's fine cutlery cubboard.

*Climbs out of cubboard*

While you were busy rebuilding yourself, I took the liberty of building a new hill on top of a nearby warehouse, where you cannot reach, due to you being on wheels and all.

Also, your cannons now shoot bacon. So please, feel free to shoot.

No problem, I can use my flamethrower nostrils to propell me to the roof, landing on and crushing you and any sentries/teleporters.

Oh, I just did.

Splat.

*Respaun*

Boy, you even dumber than you look. Don't ya think I expected that? You failed to notice that the warehouse was filled to the roof with TNT, which launches you into the center of the galaxy, where you are crushed by billions of black holes.

I guess I need to build a new hill. With sentries, acourse.

You smartass, try building sentries after I destroy your weapons!

MY HILL!

Ah, but again, reconstruction, I'm back, shadow dude gets melted by mah FLAMETHROWAH!

*Gets red spy to place sapper on Armadillo Tank*
*Brings rest of TF2 team*
Alright, everyone get on over to that poin- I mean Hill.

More people, huh? So we're allowed to get help from others?

Works for me. But I think I'll introduce you to him a little later. For now, now that I've finally managed to get free of this damn... whatever it is, nine looks like a fun challenge. I don't know what that substance was, but it's pretty hardcore. Still not as bad as being hit right in the break points.

Your teammates also have to get to the hill first - I could do with a little exercise. And by that, I mean that I ran over there fast enough that none of your teammates are here to take the hill off me yet. That is how fast I am capable of moving if I want to.

Come get some.

*unleashes hell*

Sup, my hill now.

You call that hell? Clearly you've never heard of Nrvnqsr. Don't ask me how that's pronounced. Maybe it's easier with no head, which I can certainly help you with.

*Makes burrow in hill*

my house hill, have fun on top...

leet_x1337:
You call that hell? Clearly you've never heard of Nrvnqsr. Don't ask me how that's pronounced. Maybe it's easier with no head, which I can certainly help you with.

That's because I use vowels...

*drives claws into ground impaling critter living in my hill*

You aren't paying any rent so you'll have to go.

*raises an army of demon and undead*

Guard my pretties.

The Spy never got to set off the sabotager, so I am now able to rip apart the demon army with my giant bacon cannons o' DOOM!

Your head is still missing. And removing the demon army only makes it easier for me to get close to you and stop up those bacon cannons with a large rock.

I can move the cannons since they are attached to me. Also, just grew that new head, made out of all new SouperAdamantium(TM), so now I can, once again, turn you into ash, and this time, I will park on your ashes to keep you from regrowing.

Nice try, but bacon isn't going to cut it. When you try to run over where you think my 'ashes' are in the smoke, you'd find that I'm not there - and fast enough to keep up with your moving cannons to fill them with some highly unstable materials I stole off of Mr. Conagher. Wonder if that's what he makes his sentry rockets out of. Either way, even if you could just push out rocks, I doubt you'd have the same success with this stuff.

I just disengage my current cannonry, and build new ones. Oh, so back to high explosives.

*KA-POW*!

You missed.

I'm now standing right on top of your head. I shouldn't have to tell you what'll happen if you fire again.

REVERSE! REVERSE! REVERSE!

You fall off as I speed away.

FORWARD! FORWARD! FORWARD!

Again, I park on you.

Try getting up now.

You haven't reckoned with the strength of a True Ancestor before, have you? It really shows. I could literally just take your body, and get some leverage under this pipe here--

and suplex your steel ass into Canada.

*Respaun*
I was actually had a teleporter entrance under that tank, and it was about to activate, but now that you are there...

Have fun inside the sun. Bring be sure to write.
Also, didn't I destroy Canada earlier?

There's a solution to every problem. I believe that you taught me that, Conagher. And even in a place like this, it's still entirely within my power to return. I summon the castle of my ancestors to my location... and then return inside it. Which leaves me somewhere in Europe, but from here, it shouldn't take me too long to get back to America - once I recover enough power to keep myself under control. You boys have fun in the meantime.

Also, if Canada was destroyed, then what kind of madness have I thrown the tank into? ...Well, I suppose that doesn't matter. Longer it takes to get back out, better for both of us, huh?

I have rebuilt Canada, and now the armies of Canada fight for ME!

Death to Conagher, The Engineer! CHARGE!

Sorry

And now the Engineer is dead.

I challenge you to a game of dice, and convince you to bet the hill. The hill is now mine, because luck is a horse to ride like any other, and I always win.

*Respaun*
Lets see how lucky you are when a tripod-mounted heavy caliber machine gun is pointed at you. It has a spread of only 0.001 and has enough knockback to send your worthless hide all the way to New Canada. Did I mention it was built by me and designed by me?

And if that don't work, I'll just use more gun.

Mr. Conagher, it is actually "New New Canada", and there is still an army of angry Canadians running around wishing to destroy you until you can be destroyed no more.

So, again, you and your sentries are defeated.

*uses hoard of hats to hire the Canadians, who then attack you*

This here hill's mine now!

I gather the Band of the Red Hand (my personal army / mercenary group), and with my masterful knowledge of battlefield tactics and strategy, I annihilate your Canadians.

You may be a master of battlefield tactics and strategy, but your army couldn't stop me from getting into your general's tent and tearing you limb from limb - even if they had been back there waiting for me.

I'm no master of strategy like Shax, but I am a master of building, even if I do say so myself. Lemme just show you this here project I was working on for the entirity of the Canadian-Red Hand War.

*Reveals thousands of mobile sentries*

You best start runnin', if not from the sentries, then run from the Golden Wrench.

You got me last time because I wasn't expecting it. That's not going to happen again. And your sentries are only slightly faster and tougher than actual humans, who there are also a few of to distract them. You still think you have a patch on me?

Since you killed me, I am no longer bound to the Horn of Valere. A close friend of mine finds it and blows it, intending to avenge me. It just so happens that, when I died, I was made a Hero of the Horn, and am now summoned from beyond the grave with all the other Heroes. We ride to the hill, and take it back with the force of a legend.

(In case anyone who is reading the Wheel of Time thinks that this is referencing a spoiler, dont' worry, it's not; I'm just bullshitting for the hill).

So an overpowered red-eyed guy, a lucky Hero of the Horn and his fellow heroes, a bunch of Canadian turncoats, and a bunch of mobile sentries are fighting over the hill...

... welp, while you were fighting, I moved the hill to the Secret Undisclosed Location, which I've just bought off of Dick Cheney.

Try and take it now.

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