You're the reason people buy home defence!
You're so dumb you think a quarterback is a refund.
You couldn't break the ice with a pick!
You're so poor you can't afford to fly off the handle. You have to greyhound off the handle.
The only reason you like contemporary things is because you have no sense of history or taste!
You're so fat people jog around you for exercise.
You're the sort of person who drinks blended seaweed.
You're so old you fart dust.
You enjoy Jerry Springer!
You've made multiple appearances on Jerry Springer.
You're the kind of person who watches T.V. without knowing what you want to watch.
You are so fat you jumped in the air and got stuck.
Your gamerscore is pitiful!
You're so fat if I hemmed up the bottom of your pants I could use them as a parachute.
Germs tried to infiltrate your form, only to take an aversion to you!
You smell so bad you could knock the stink off a skunk!
Your hard drive doesn't want to remember you!
Your stench could chase flies off a gutwagon and vultures off a carcass.
You can Pokemon GO fuck yourself!
You're so dumb you sold the house to pay the mortgage.
You couldn't find the door in a well-lit room!
Even master Oogway would want to slap you silly!
Not even God could help you git gud!
The shadow of your arse weights 50 pounds!
You're a vacuum, you suck and blow!
That participation trophy crap is all your fault!
You don't know how dense you really are!
Completely nonsense that you look into his words.
Big ugly imaginary friend!
You are the B.U.F.F. (Big Ugly Fat Friend) of the B.U.F.F.!
I hope you vomit on your own balls!
I meet your intellectual equal in a petri dish at the lab.
If your brain was a shipwreck, it would be unsalvageable.
You fell off the top of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
You're more dead skin than lifeform.