Dumb Quest.

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I give the remains a proper burial.

I grab my crotch to remind myself what my biological sex is supposed to be.

Neuromancer:
The dead have no need for arms.

Take his arm as a weapon.

Axes are too manly a weapon for the likes of you.

Barbas:
Clean the arm first, using Lemon Pledge and a clean cloth.

Level 7 Dragon:
You take the rusty armor and shield from what is left of the warrior and attempt to don them.

You proceed to attempt to polish the knight outfit to a mirror shine with the cloth. The helmet, hopefully, covers your ugly mug.

Your face gets punched really hard from what you assumed to be an inanimate corpse. Turns out it's very animate.

Drake the Dragonheart:
I give the remains a proper burial.

You can't; it punched you so hard it sent you to the other side of the room.

Level 7 Dragon:
I grab my crotch to remind myself what my biological sex is supposed to be.

You are male. An impotent male.

You have a really pissed off animate corpse wanting to chop you to bits; what shall you do?

I take out my alchemy fire gloves and snap my fingers to burn the animate corpse to a crisp while standing still with a cold expression

I'm in the corner staring dumbfoundedly at everything that's going on before, unable to grasp the situation I slowly walk away, however, while walking backward I trip on a rock falling on my butt and spilling the contents of my bag[1], as I trip I let out a loud shriek but quickly cover my mouth to try to get this strange group of "people" to not notice me, as I am on the floor I just look expectantly waiting to see if somebody noticed me.

[1] Which consists of mostly office supplies and candy.

I burn it to a crisp with holy fire!

Marik2:
I take out my alchemy fire gloves and snap my fingers to burn the animate corpse to a crisp while standing still with a cold expression

Drake the Dragonheart:
I burn it to a crisp with holy fire!

You suddenly realise you don't have those powers.

Kaleion:
I'm in the corner staring dumbfoundedly at everything that's going on before, unable to grasp the situation I slowly walk away, however, while walking backward I trip on a rock falling on my butt and spilling the contents of my bag[1], as I trip I let out a loud shriek but quickly cover my mouth to try to get this strange group of "people" to not notice me, as I am on the floor I just look expectantly waiting to see if somebody noticed me.

Luckily, nobody notices you aside from the pissed off animate corpse. Good thinking on covering your mouth, little bitch.

Aside from the office supplies, you notice your black fire bombs also slipped. Hey..... you could probably use this..... or you could fuck with the Ring of Dagon again like a fucking idiot.

The undead is slowly approaching, what shall you do now?

[1] Which consists of mostly office supplies and candy.

You stare at the undead not with fear, but with DETERMINATION.

THIS is the moment where you prove to the world (but more importantly, yourself), that you are worth something, that you can deal even with the most basic of RPG enemies!

For you know, from the sleepness nights wherein you drunk the cocktail of self-loathing, anxiety and insomnia, that there is one skill, one very specific D&D ability that allows a cleric counter undead creatures and make them quake in post-existential fear! At last, the knowledge you acquired, that you had thought to have been useless[1], turns to be of use!

Turn Undead is an ability that clerics use to channel their faith in their diety in a wave of destructive, to undead, force. And who else has more stalwart faith in you? Who else could claim the purity of your fanaticism?! Is there a being on this earth that has watched Gachi more than you, that painstackingly has memorised every single gachi video that has ever come out, that, were to be given a sample, would be able to effortlessly point the exact second in the exact video of origin? Nay. Nay, you think! No one else has idolised Aniki as much as you, and looked to get as ripped as him despite the fact that you happen to be the most helpless, miserable slothful cunt that you know and will never be able to keep a gym schedule to save your life!

Of the purity of your faith you are certain, now is the time to show the fruits of your (otherwise non-existent) labour! You raise your hand against the rotten undead that has the misfortune to have mistaken you for easy prey, and channel from it energy that is anathema to its core being, ready to blast it to smithereens.

At least, that's how it works in theory. You are certain that as long as you concentrate hard enough while chanting the lyrics of BOY♂NEXT♂EQUADOR♂ Turn Undead will happen. Isn't this how real imaginary clerics do it in tabletop?

...You keep a firebomb on the other hand, just in case. Not that you will need to actually use it, of course! But because you know luck the gods to reward audacity, not overconfidence.

[1] Largely because no single group was desparate enough to allow a fat anti-social fuck like you join their sessions

I shoot the Kazebo with an arrow.

You shout "ANIKI ANKI ANIKI ANIKI ANIKI♂" while the withered warrior approaches you, shield up up and weapon readied. This undead is no amateur, its pose and movement is spot-on. Almost perfect, even. Despite its state, it retained its warrior conduct and mannerism. It even gives you a war-cry before it strikes.

You're screwed, you think. You're not even sure you can take it down even with the firebombs. You cry for Aniki over and over for aid, covering your most prized possession, his photo, with your tears.

This is it. The end. Your journey is over. The undead casts a dreadful silhouette on you, a silhouette of an old powerful warrior with insurmountable rage, a split second away from getting your skull cleaved and your lungs and heart spilling out your chest cavity; slowly covering the floor with other such organs and giblets in a thick and vicious coat of blood.

This arouses you.

Due to overwhelming fear (and arousal), all you notice from the silhouette is its teeth. They're of an ivory colour surrounded by black gums. The teeth themselves are uniform until the canines, by which they more bestial and sharp. Much like a wild lion.
Highlights envelop almost the entirety of its mouth, teeth, and gums. Even its saliva is fully contrasted by said highlights, making it perfectly clear how it connects between its roaring tongue, decayed gums, yellow teeth, and unpleasant lips.

This arouses you again

You wake up out of your trance of arousal, noticing you mixed your tears with your saliva. If you weren't impotent, you would have had an erection. Prematurely ejaculated, even!

Before the final blow was struck, you screamed "ANIKI♂" one more final time. Just when you thought you're going to have (by your fucked up standards) a very erotic death, a blaze of light comes out of you, pushing the ended back and badly burning it. Not only that, but also unleashing a barrage of ♂Mars Symbol Spears♂

The undead takes a few spears, badly damaging it. You thought you're some big badass and it will just die like some bitch ass zombie in any other RPG. Well here's where you are wrong: It's not a bitch ass zombie. Your successful summoning of the divine by which you used to badly damage it has awakened something in this undead.

"HAHAHAHA, YES!!!!" You hear a masculine voice sprung from that undead. Not only that, but it has gracefully and almost beautifully blocked every other ♂Mars Symbol Spear♂.

In a fit of euphoric rage, it throws away its shield. Fully holding its axe in two hands. You notice the holes you caused by your gay spears, making the warrior bleed a brownish and dark colour of blood.

The undead sighs and momentarily breaks its battle stance to give you a bow. You have earned its 'respect', it seems.

What you shall you do now? Will you exploit this opening like the honourless little bitch you are? Or will you do something else?

Were you able to think straight, this would be a perfect opportunity to throw a firebomb into the zombie. However, considering how much raw fucking homosexual energy you need to operate the ♂Mars Symbol Spears♂, thinking straight is likely not a high priority.

Therefore, the one true option on the table is to run towards the zombie and pelvically ram your firebomb into him, assuming a classic ♂GACHIMUCHI♂ flexing pose in the process.

"FOUL UNDEAD BOY♂ ♂ ♂ ♂ ♂ ♂ ♂ ♂ ♂ ♂ !"
You say to him as you ducktape the black firebomb to your nether region
"I will show you who is boss of this burg!"

"Oh? Instead of running away you approach me?" You could have sworn he had more clothes on him, maybe you forgot yer conduct lenses but you're almost sure he didn't look like an aztec powerlifting stripper, much less with another aztec powerlifting striper right behind him that appears to be made out of metal

"Nani!!!" you mutter, but you know that you will never be a giant daddy if you backest away from any real danger, sexual or otherwise.

You approach the hyper roided homoertoic beast, with each footstep heavier than the other. A second becomes a minute, a minute becomes an hour, and an hour becomes an eternity. For eternity has become nothing and zero is equal to infinity.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlizajvT9Kw

You exchange a volley of machine gun punches with the aztec undead stripper man, the shear force of your cumulative blows forces gravity itself to cease and the only thing maintaining you in air is your sheer desire to shove that bomb up his ass. You are impotent, but you feel like you have an erection. An erection you never had in your life, something mightier and heavier than the centre of the universe.

"I......"

The beautiful undead (no-necro) looks at you in absolute horror.

"Am......"

"NO! IT CAN'T BE!!!"

"COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!"

the very fabric of reality seems to waiver and primordial darkness dominates until.....

K A B O O M ! ! ! !

♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂

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