I'm a 20 year old guy in my second year of university in Italy. I've known my roommate for 2 years now and he's become one of my best friends. He met a girl about 6 months ago and we also became close friends. She quickly became one of the most important people of my life and I started falling in love with her. I felt as if I could talk to her for hours and that I was genuinely happy around her. 2 months ago she told me she felt the same way with me and things escalated from there. I kept seeing her more often, I just felt normal around her. Two weeks ago we were both drunk at a party and made out. I know I am a horrible person, I can't stop telling myself that every day.
I told my roommate some days ago and while he said he understood he said he needed time to process everything. He dumped the girl and now is giving me the cold shoulder, which I understand. I feel like shit. I miss my friend and not seeing the girl I love is killing me inside. I've talked to the girl and found out that she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore and that she's pissed at me for telling him without telling her first. I don't know if I did the right thing by telling him but I do feel better and I couldn't live with the guilt anymore. I know what I did was wrong and that I have to accept the fact that he might not ever forgive me. I've decided, as hard as it is, to ignore the girl and try and give my friend some space. Any advice?
I don't know if there has been any updates on this as it's been a few days so please feel free to correct me if there are new developments.
So bottom line here is you screwed up pretty badly and being drunk is no excuse. He was your friend and is quite within his right to never forgive you. You need to accept the possibility that even if he manages to forgive you, he may never trust you again so it is possible the friendship may never bounce back. That all being said, the best thing you can do is give him space and time to cool off, as you are planning. After that he'll hopefully forgive you and give you the opportunity to earn his trust back.
The girl is the trickier part. By telling your mate without letting her know you threw her to the wolves without her being aware of it. I admittedly would want to know what she was planning to do though. I mean either she wanted to tell your mate herself, which is fine, or she was going to keep it a secret, in which case she isn't an honest person and would you really want a relationship with someone like that? However, if you do feel like you love this girl, I think you've got to at least speak to her about this. Apologise about telling your friend without letting her know first but tell her that you are still interested in her and if she feels the same she is single now so see if she fancies going to dinner, or whatever your preferred dating method is. If she wants to remain angry at you then she clearly doesn't feel as strongly about you as you do about her so I'd give up then and there and walk away.