I feel like I meet every creterias that makes me avoided like house fly when it comes to dating

Where do I even start?

First off, I'm a 25 years-old Korean Male who's been living in the US for about 15 years. I started to feel inadequate starting Sophomore year of my High School. I was popular for being a fun guy in the school, but was very awkward when it came to talking to girls.

There were many girls I had crush on back then, and I asked them for the school dance or for a date, but I was rejected every single time, eventually leading me to not go to prom, and probably graduating as the only guy in school who didn't get the dating experience. This one girl, let's call her "Monica", left me the biggest scar. We attended same middle school, went to same church, went to same tutoring center, and shared same interests. Both of us were Koreans, save for the fact that I moved here and she was born in US. We previously had many small talks getting to know each other better, and my feelings towards her grew stronger. I eventually asked her out, and at first she said some reasonable excuses. Monica did eventually told me she wasn't into me, and I wish she would've been honest with me in the beginning instead of toying with my feelings (I don't think it was intentional, though). Not only that, she dated and eventually married one of my closest friend. He was and still is a great guy, and I wished the best for both of them, but that just left me a big scar in my heart.

After high school, between college and work, I had no time to care for dating anyone. I mean, the first major I chose had class with little to no girls, the girl I met at work was already in relationship, and when I was home I was too tired and felt miserable.

Fast-forward to present, I am still in college because of major change, still live with my parents because I don't have a career job to afford my own place, I stopped getting taller after 5' 3", stress and lifestyle made me overweight (not obese, still fat around belly), socially awkward and staying quiet in the corner during gathering, and I turned to watching porn every night to forget about the pain. I did go on few dates here and there, but nothing lasted more than a month.

Now, social awkwardness, watching porn, and overweight I might be able to change. But the fact that I'm 5'3", Asian, still virgin, and having little to no dating experience makes me undesirable, whether it's dating app/site or real life. Those two factors alone are what gives me no chance in dating, and it discourages me to change other lifestyles mentioned above. I am jealous of all my friends who are in an relationships; Not because their significant others are hot or good-looking, but because they seem so happy together. They seem to know what they are doing after all the previous dating experiences they had, keeping their lovers happy and committed to their relationships. Some of them whom I knew from HS are either engaged, married, or even had child.

My sister jokes and asks me "When are you going bring home a girl?" or "Are you not going to give mom and dad their grandchildren?" I used to laugh at the questions as well, but it is starting to look like that's going to be life...forever.

Dating can be really crushing and dehumanizing because to a certain extent it does break you down into really basic categories, and yeah, some people will write you off for really dumb things. At the end of the day though, it is a numbers game. You can learn to be a bit better at it by learning how to present your best self to people, but ultimately it is just a case of continuing to approach and talk to people (in appropriate situations, I mean obviously don't creep on women while they're just living their lives) and get rejected over and over until someone doesn't reject you, and that could take a really long time but if you keep going it will happen.

I can tell you that for my part, being a virgin at 25 is fine, being 5'3" is fine. Being a bit overweight is fine, and is something you can change if you really want to. Watching porn is only really bad in the sense that it's probably making you feel worse and more isolated. Being Asian is fine and in fact some women find Asian men more attractive. Sure, some people may care about these things a lot, especially online, but there will be people who won't.

Like, as a culture we have this idea that as a man you're either some chadly superhunk or you basically don't exist on the sexual radar, but in my experience that isn't actually true. What you think of as a terrible, hideous flaw can make you sweet or endearing to someone else.

Ugly people get laid all the time. I am not calling you ugly, I literally don't know what you look like, but seriously, I see people all the time who are married with kids who are anything but attractive.

Worry less about appearance (I mean, take care of yours, but don't think you have to be traditionally attractive to find love) and worry about common interests. I know plenty of people who at first I found unappealing, but then I found out I liked them as a person and then they suddenly looked much more appealing to me.

Seriously though, common interests. That is the key to love.

 

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