Original Character Battle RP Tournament - Anyone want to give it a go?

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 NEXT

I'll be sure to post criticisms and PM my verdict to you on the stories before the end of the day.

One week is more than sufficient. And I'm happy to PM my verdict. On the subject of reviews, do I post them in thread? Do I send them to you? Do I hold off on posting them until results are revealed? How would you like that handled?

QUESTION FOR YOU PLAYERS: Do you want to receive your reviews privately or would you like them published in the thread?

I'm happy for mine to be posted in the thread.

I'm cool with anything being posted publicly. Go for it. Lay it on me.

I'm good for either. Place my vote with the majority.

Abstaining is also a constitutional right.

Get your criticisms! Get your criticisms here!

Doc Gnosis:

Thanks Doc. All very valid criticism, although in my defense the spacing looked a lot better while I was writing it in Word. Should probably have adjusted after posting, will do so for my next fight should I be lucky enough to get one!

I don't want to say too much about the more literary criticism, don't want to interfere too much with the judging, but I can see where you're coming from. I do think, on reflection, I could have given the two fighters more agency and interaction. Skinner might have gotten too big a role.

Would also briefly like to say, loved everyone else's fights. I look forward to seeing how people do in other genres!

I'm the caboose in this operation - reviews/verdict coming this weekend.

Overall, I was pleased with all these entries. In my opinion, you all did a great job of portraying your opponent's character with as much depth as you did your own. If I could have made a wish, there would have been a bit more of psychological horror, or maybe something a bit Lovecraftian, but that's my taste.

JoJo vs. NewClassic - in this one I kind of feel like the judges in the Great British Bake-Off, when they puzzle over whether to go with "Ambitious but Flawed" or "Less Impressive but Perfectly Executed."

JoJo had solid, clean writing throughout, good storytelling and fight mechanics. I was never confused as to what was happening, and the ending seemed properly earned. I do wish, however, that you had made more use of the horror aspects of the setting, and maybe taken the opportunity to explore your character's mental state more.

NewClassic - More depth of character, a nice horror-genre bit with the phantom touches - I liked that because it was subtle and creepy, not smashcut jumpscare. But, dude, what was up with the flip-flopping between present and past tense? I don't know if it was deliberate technique you were attempting, but the tense-switch didn't appear with any discernible pattern, it pretty much looked like someone who kept forgetting they'd made the decision to write in present tense. Also - and I say this with the deepest respect for the freedom of the author to express what is in their heart - WTF bear? I mean, I expect to see any number of things in a haunted sanitorium, a bear is not one of them. I just alt-tabbed back to the story to be sure that the small amount of totally-legal-in-my-state-yay cannabis I had consumed had not monkeyed with my memory. Nope, there is definitely a bear in that there haunted asylum. An eyeless zombie bear? Ooo-kaaaayyy.

I'm voting JoJo on this, for clean execution. Taiga is my winner here.

Demonjazz vs Thomas Barnsley - I'm going with Thomas Barnsley and Gilgamoc on this one.

Thomas did a good job with his opponent's POV as well as his own, and the twist ending genuinely surprised me. Narratively, it was clean and clear.

Demonjazz, your piece went a little crazypants at the end there. Just I was doing a wtf-bear? in the above battle, I was what-the-headless-horseman here. Also, this piece really needed one more proofreading pass. I try not to hump the MLA style manual too much, if the grammar slides too far out of alignment, then the meaning of the sentence can be obscured and that breaks a reader out of the story.

Wait - did we not get a judgement from @Khedive Rex?

Wait - did we not get a judgement from @Khedive Rex?

if he doesn't respond I suppose I could judge this round for the 3rd vote

Criticism 1 of 4.

I've submitted my judgement for the round and will continue to doll out criticism. Thank you all for your patience.

To clarify why a Dullahan was there. Originally, the Dullahan was just going to be a zombie-like creature in a suit of armor that stalked the halls of the asylum. A knight who came there to be treated and got turned into a monster. I thought this was super fucking boring when I started writing it though. And was like, hey... Black Arrow is Irish. Knights are a bit like Dullahans, and Dullahans are Irish! THEMATIC!
In retrospect, I probably should have made the Dullahan like a zombieman stitched to the horse to better fit the setting. But hindsight is 20/20 as they say.

OK, here are the results
JoJo vs. NewClassic - NewClassic wins 2-1
Thomas Barnsley vs. Demonjazz - Thomas Barnsley wins 2-1

Which leaves us with three advancing on to the next round, which doesn't really work. So here is what I propose - second bracket. JoJo vs. Demonjazz, and the winner is the fourth contestant in the next round. Does that work for people? Or do you just want to do a three-way battle next round?

Honestly, I'd rather not hold up everyone else, and just get it on with a three way fight, but that's just me. Plus, three way fights are where it's at.

Which leaves us with three advancing on to the next round, which doesn't really work. So here is what I propose - second bracket. JoJo vs. Demonjazz, and the winner is the fourth contestant in the next round. Does that work for people? Or do you just want to do a three-way battle next round?

I'm a fan of double elimination bracket being used as a by-breaker. I also think more writing is a good thing, given the format.

That said, I can see how it would feel unfair to whoever loses this next round, but I wouldn't mind personally. So, I vote for the second bracket.

I vote for the second bracket too, but if I can make a suggestion it should be in another setting. being in the Asylum again could be kind of repetitive

It feels a little soon for the finale, TF's character hasn't even been in a fight yet. I vote for a second bracket.

I assumed one of the three remaining would get a bye, resulting in two more single fight rounds. I don't really mind though.

Okay, then! Demonjazz vs. JoJo it is! And this time, the genre is High Fantasy. Specifically, you find yourselves in a Fairy Forest. The Fair Folk are capricious, curious, and liable to take offense at just about anything. Don't let their diminutive size deceive you. They possess powerful magics, and they may not look kindly on you blundering and fighting your way through their woods.

Hey, @Jojo and @Demonjazz, how is the writing coming along? How much longer do you need?

Hey, @Jojo and @Demonjazz, how is the writing coming along? How much longer do you need?

At least another week I'd say, been busy with family stuff over the Christmas period. I can work with whatever deadline you set, though.

Khedive Rex:
Criticism 1 of 4.

Are you still writing these, Rex? I'm very eager to see such an in depth analysis of my story, if you're still keen to work on them.

I'm going to close this round on Jan 14.

BTW, feel free to goof around the Library and RP and stuff if you aren't currently engaged in the battle.

OK, @JoJo and @Demonjazz, time to post your stories!

Been busier than I expected with work to meet an end-of-month deadline, having to work overtime and weekends, so this is going to be short and sweet. Take it as you will.

Hmm... This is most embarrassing. Yeah, I concede. Between the post-holiday rush at my work, and the several drafts I've started over... And legitimately forgetting that this was a thing for a week. I have not completed my fight on time. I may finish it and post later at some point, but I will concede.

Sorry about the lag on my part. I've been a bit under the weather. I will get the next round brackets and arenas posted tonight.

New brackets!

tf2godz vs JoJo
Thomas Barnsley vs NewClassic

Your genre in this round is Sword and Sorcery! Think Conan the Barbarian, Red Sonja, or Xena Warrior Princess. Where high fantasy tends to take place in a fantasy version of medieval Europe, sword and sorcery often takes place in a milieu more like a fantasy version of ancient Rome or Greece. True, women didn't wear chain mail bikinis in ancient Rome, but that's what makes this fantasy!

Just so you know, I have a very important piece of uni assessment due on the 31st, so I won't be able to work on my fight until after then. We usually seem to give about a month for writing anyway so hopefully it won't be an issue.

Yeah, we can go a month on this. Due date for stories is Feb. 18.

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 NEXT

Reply to Thread

Posting on this forum is disabled.