Escape to the Movies: Ninja Assassin

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Ninja Assassin

This week MovieBob takes a look at Ninja Assassin...sort of.

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Yeah that's pretty much what i thought of it too. I almost forgot that i saw it this week when my friend asked if I had seen it yet. Nothing special.

Good...I don't think the word "review" is appropriate here.

And glad to see someone else thought the Giving Tree was kinda off.

Huh. For some reason, I actually expected this last week.

Ah, well. I went ahead and saw Fantastic Mr. Fox last week and had a fun time, so I'm glad I skipped out on this. I think I'll see it if only because I have a coupon for a free ticket via my rewards card, and also because I'm a real sucker for kung-fu action movies.

see this is nice to know, i have never been a fan of ninjas so ill skip this one, i already knew that i would skip it since its called Ninja Assassin, oh and by the way aren't ninjas by default assassins? maybe its referring to an assassin who only kills ninjas but since the good ninja is a ninja i believe that either just "Ninja" would do, or if they really want to go b movie whit the title "Ninja Ninja"

lol, giving tree. Yeah, Ninja Assassin didn't look that interesting to me either. I love the 1 ninja vs an army of ninjas theory.

[edit]

and didn't ninjas deal in stealth assassinations? that makes the title redundant.

Well not the most informative review but who could blame him, I loved the movie, but he's totally right about the plot, it's a bag of farts, it has the same consistency of a bad Jason movie. I suppose that is where the appeal is though because this movie does portray the ninjas as movie monsters and that is at least different from a ninja movie perspective, it just didn't work. I still recommend seeing it because the action is movie theater price spectacle worth it. (it makes sense in my mind!)

College Humor made a video about the giving tree that i believe shares your views of it.

Hey bob:
1.The plural form of Ninja is Ninja as well. Like the word Moose
2. That guy on 'The giving Tree's back cover IS scary.
3. What were you going to say about Loli Worm?

Yah have to agree with Movie Bob. This one would be a definite rental for me since I do enjoy ninja movies, even the cliche ones.

What's better, this or Speed Racer? I'm serious, btw.

I never really thought of The Giving Tree like that before...

Nice review. I think I'm going to watch this, because I'm a sucker for high budget movies and CGI, though I hate to admit it...

I'm glad to see that he simply didn't use the 'fuck' word as opposed to bleeping it. That's a good middle road to have taken

Ooh! Ooh! I have an explanation for the many vs 1 Ninja issue.

Part 1: Ninjas are masters of fighting multiple opponents at once.
Part 2: Ninjas work alone, and as such do not fight well with other ninjas.
part 3: Ninjas aren't good at fighting one on one, due to all the awesome they have at fighting against groups.

Put these things together, and it makes sense. Those epic one-on-one battles? Not nearly as epic when you realise they're only appearing to be epic 'cause both parties suck. =p

Yeah, sounds about right for this movie. I remember the first time I saw the poster for this movie I thought two things:

1. Isn't that title a little redundant?
2. Isn't that just going to be the next Schindler's List in terms of epic, immortal story?

As for The Giving Tree, did you feel this way even as a kid, or just as you're looking back on it now? Because trust me, I loved this book as a kid. It was so sweet. But now, as a teenager looking back, I realize just how abusive the asshole kid really is.

I never liked the giving tree either.

yah i heard this movie has some decent action scenes but if you're looking for a plot it pretty much tells you to go fuck yourself. wait... should i have bleeped myself. seriously what is up with that?

but i suppose if you're looking for an intellectual and deep, masterful storytelling through a ninja movie you might be retarded...just saying

Always with the big budgets, even in movies that were founded on cheap-as-chips showmanship. This could never have the qualities of a good Jackie Chan movie, where you know it's all genuine- anyone considering seeing this film, go watch The Drunken Master instead, much better film, much more kickass fight scenes I'll wager!

No ninjas though, only ... martial artists?

Anyway, back to the budget thing. Am I the only one who misses the cheap touch? The material you knew was low budget and simple, but you didn't care because it seemed so much more wholesome, and usually didn't cost an arm and a leg to purchase? This is why my master plan for breaking into the gaming market is a digital distribution 16-bit console! Genius.
... well I'd buy one.

Looks a cross between God Of War and Kill Bill. May be a watch.. hell it is a watch, ninjas rule.

orangeapples:
lol, giving tree. Yeah, Ninja Assassin didn't look that interesting to me either. I love the 1 ninja vs an army of ninjas theory.

[edit]

and didn't ninjas deal in stealth assassinations? that makes the title redundant.

Ohoho, thank god someone else noticed. Yeah, after hearing from another popular Escapist employee with a video column and a Trilby that Ninja's had been greatly bastardized in their original format by today's culture, I did a little digging.

To quote, "simple peasant spies mainly concerned with undercover espionage and guerrilla warfare," but the assassination point isn't far off. Enough to make the title redundant, IMO.

I've got to say, though, the original ninjas are so far detached from the modern day ninjas that it's practically a Nosferatu vs. Edward Cullen scenario, and any sort of attempt to justify a comparison just couldn't be done. Not shouldn't, but is pretty much an impossibility due to the radical changes therein.

Herr Wozzeck:
Huh. For some reason, I actually expected this last week.

Ditto

And the review was almost exactly what i expected. XD still want to see it! i want to be entertained for however long this is and not have to remember it later!

P.A. Master:

...and any sort of attempt to justify a comparison just couldn't be done. Not shouldn't, but is pretty much an impossibility due to the radical changes therein.

i beg to differ. Professional Hitmen have the same job description and so do most Special Force Operators. Everything these modern counterparts do almost exactly mirror what the Ninjas of old were meant for. They are often called to 'remove' prominent figures, as were the Ninjas and their nemesis, the samurai. And like the Ninjas, you never hear about their handy work :D

Onyx Oblivion:
What's better, this or Speed Racer? I'm serious, btw.

I haven't seen Ninja Assassin yet so based on Movie Bob's review alone its a matter of which film is more entertaining.

... I say Ninja Assassin.

That Ninja Cliche about losing power in groups as compared to fighting one on one isn't a theory. It's fact! The groups of ninjas from a clan are just your typical grunts who only know basic abilities and have no special powers, techniques, or specialty weapons. The Ninja or enemy they target whether or not the enemy target is a ninja will be a master to their skill. So when the grunts aren't enough to take down an enemy it gets to a showdown with a master where the best skills, techniques, weapons, defensive tools, environments, and will to live can make the fight last from as little as 5 minutes to a half-hour.

I can't believe such a book (The Giving Tree) was written with that kind of stuff in it.

I thought it was an entertaining movie.....no depth, but entertaining. Except for the big Chekov's Gun they used at the end that you could see coming a mile away.

No, my biggest disappointment, and one my friends share, is that this movie was marketed as a Wachowski Bros. movie....and it ain't. Oh sure, they helped produce it, and supplied Rain, but it just doesn't have the presence and obvious attention the brothers put into their movies.

Yeah, I'm sure if I did a little bit of research I could have figured this out ahead of time, but just from the ads, posters and general buzz, this thing was a Wachowski flick so that more people would flock to the theatres than would have normally.

EDIT: Oh yeah, the Giving Tree. I never did like that book. Even as a kid, while I didn't understand the concept of abusive relationships, I did think that the kid was just using the tree. I never understood why the tree never told the kid to fuck off. Hell, it was written by Shel Silverstein, based on his catalogue of creative works, the tree SHOULD have told the kid to fuck off, then proceed to light a doobie and have a threesome(treesome?).

This may come off as a bit shallow (not the word I wanted, but close enough), but it's an action flick with ninjas in it. I'm sure there are ways to make it a smart movie, but again, it's just an action flick with ninjas. We go to see fights, explosions and ninjas. And in that regard, it doesn't disappoint. I'm sure it won't win any awards for story or anything, but will it fail to entertain us with ninjas trying to decapitate one another? No.

I saw this film and loved it. Sure its cliched, mindless, gory and all that other stuff that critics don't like but it is also fun to watch.

orangeapples:
lol, giving tree. Yeah, Ninja Assassin didn't look that interesting to me either. I love the 1 ninja vs an army of ninjas theory.

[edit]

and didn't ninjas deal in stealth assassinations? that makes the title redundant.

I think it's a ninja that kills other ninjas, so, not so much. But I can see where you thought that, that was also my dad's first thought.

I'm going to see this, because immediately after seeing the commercial I thought to myself; "I don't care about plot, dialog or characters. I wanna' see ninja fights."

I'll probably see this movie, even if I forget about it later. Just because all the important aspects of the movie die out when I see the ninja fights.

A random person:
...I don't think the word "review" is appropriate here.

What makes you say that?

Koeryn:
Ooh! Ooh! I have an explanation for the many vs 1 Ninja issue.

Part 1: Ninjas are masters of fighting multiple opponents at once.
Part 2: Ninjas work alone, and as such do not fight well with other ninjas.
part 3: Ninjas aren't good at fighting one on one, due to all the awesome they have at fighting against groups.

Put these things together, and it makes sense. Those epic one-on-one battles? Not nearly as epic when you realise they're only appearing to be epic 'cause both parties suck. =p

God what passes for ninjas kills me.
How to tell the ninja your fighting is not a ninja.
1) It looks awesome. I.E. you can see it!
2) a group of people are fighting it.
3) it sucks one on one.
4) its using magic. (you know who i'm targting)
5) YOU ARE ALIVE!!!

the only game that explains why ninjas are like this is tenchu z which explains that the guards were soooo bad that the ninjas were never challenged. so the skill level went down.

Ryu Hayabusa, snake eyes, and who ever any one knows...6) you know who they are (damn yuffie and naruto shout out there names in the first 5 seconds of battle and where bright cloths)

When you breezed through the movie in the first few seconds of this review, I was snipping down my "Ninja Movie Cliche Checklist" and this movie pretty much nails each one. Now, I haven't seen it yet, but the only cliches it's missing are magic-casting ninjas, ninjas that stab and/or do things with shadows, ninja sex, and the underage preteen ninja.

If all of those things are actually in this movie, I wouldn't be surprised.

As for the multiple ninja thing: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ConservationOfNinjutsu?from=Main.ConservationOfNinjitsu

But yeah, I actually got to see this movie for free( buddy works as a projectionist) and I enjoyed it quite a b it. Sure, it was about as deep as a puddle, but that wasn't the point. It was just a mindless action flick that held no pretensions of being anything else.

orangeapples:
lol, giving tree. Yeah, Ninja Assassin didn't look that interesting to me either. I love the 1 ninja vs an army of ninjas theory.

[edit]

and didn't ninjas deal in stealth assassinations? that makes the title redundant.

Nope, Ninja actually specialized in tactical espionage. Stealth assassination was just a small part of what Ninja actually did.

I liked the Giving Tree...more for the fact that I didn't look for a reason behind it. It was about someone being selfish and someone who cared for them despite that. OMG, THE TREE IS A PARENT!!!!

...and yeah, the whole ninja thing is only fun in some places, but I doubt using it like this would create a good movie unless there was plot. No plot=no see.

I had the feeling this would be what I call a "Snack Flick"

Snack Flick: A film thats appealing, but it doesn't fill you up regarding story, interesting characters, or unique plot. Its like a snack, just a little something to sustain you until your next meal. In other words you watch a film like this for the sake of holding you down until you see another film.

BTW, I was in 2nd grade the first time I heard about the Giving Tree and I even when I was little I thought the boy was a jerk.

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