Unskippable: Stormrise

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"Uh, you're missing the middle part of your mech, there. Seems like a pretty glaring design flaw."

Gyah, anyone who could create that kind of mech design for a game needs some kind of medication, pronto. Or to be told they're supposed to be making a sensible robot suit, not a parody of mech designs in general. (... unless a parody was what they were aiming for, in which case: well done, graphic designers!)

Toasty Virus:

Misterpinky:
Somehow, Stormrise never managed to catch my interest. Now I'm so interested, I feel that I just really need to repeatedly make fun of it. Forever.

Don't play it. Seriously it's horrible

Sir, you miss understand me. I am interested in making continual fun of it forever, not in any way playing it, touching it, breathing the same air as anyone who has played the game, and certainly not buying it.

meh really didn't feel this one but given the source material I'll forgive you guys.

I remeber playing this... it looked like it COULD be awsome from the box.

It wasen't.

Not G. Ivingname:
I never understand why humanities only hope is the frozen guy. Wouldn't you rather trust the guy who does not have to be explained what year it is?

Hah that's a good point, i never though about that :P

Generic ugly mechs, vague and cliche backstory, and one dimensional characters...how could this NOT be a hit?

I'm sorry CA, but keep with Total War....

That game looks AWFUL!

MooseHowl:
Gyah, anyone who could create that kind of mech design for a game needs some kind of medication, pronto. Or to be told they're supposed to be making a sensible robot suit, not a parody of mech designs in general. (... unless a parody was what they were aiming for, in which case: well done, graphic designers!)

The best part is that the one possible benefit of a design that offers no protection from bullets, shrapnel, energy weapons, nearby explosions, really agile single melee fighters, large numbers of melee fighters that use swarm tactics, drowning, vacuum, radiation, OR light drizzle is that you wouldn't have to use your radio to talk to someone not in a suit. So what's the first thing you hear after Generic Jackass Mech Pilot's suit "seals up"? His voice with the standard "I'm talking on the radio!" filtering! Dude, you're like fifteen feet away. Just speak up and we'll hear your not-very-badass badass one-liners FINE!

good episode.

I got this game when I bought my ATI 4850, it's just hanging in my "not installed" section of steam.

Ugh. Guys... shut UP. I couldn't even tell if the cutscene was supposed to be bad or not, because you talked over THE ENTIRE THING. Unskippable is best when you intermix your comments with the in-game stuff, not when you completely drown the cutscene out.

Yes, I know that's an impolite way of saying that, but I've said it before and apparently not gotten the point across, so I figure this time I'll go for the troll approach if that's what it takes.

Must agree with the earlier post about D.R.S. I stopped playing that game because even siting only a few feet from my T.V. I couldn't read the text and didn't know what to do in the game when a message would come up. I don't understand why developers feel like destroying our eyes.

Woo! Simpsons reference!

Nice to know I'm not the only one out there who still plays games on an SDTV.

Brilliant LHC bit. Thanks for that.

Very nice, I enjoyed the little Simpsons reference you managed to sneak into the video you sly devils.

IronBahamut:
First post on this site, after watching nearly every episode of Unskippable

Honestly never heard of this game before.... what genre is it?

You've never heard of it because no one bought it. It was a massive commercial flop. I got my copy free with a new video card.

It's an RTS game. One that could have been good had they actually finished it, getting rid of about seven million different bugs, and removed the gimmicky and incredibly obnoxious mechanic that made it impossible to quickly and efficiently command your army. Had they put another six months of work into it, it might have become worth playing.

The storyline seems to be a completely lost cause though. Needless to say, it doesn't get much better than this cinematic. Basically, there's generic-blocky-camo-blue-human-military versus generic-spiky-red-oppressed-mutant-monster rebels. Our frozen friend starts out working for the humans, then (SURPRISE SURPRISE) defects to the mutants a quarter of the way in. Supposedly there's some sort of great mystery that neither faction knows about, but some bugs actually prevented me from continuing the game to find out. Oh, and the human general looks like Barack Obama. That's pretty much all I remember.

It's sad, really. The Creative Assembly made the Total War series, all of which are excellent. I don't understand how the hell they even thought this was acceptable.

Feta cheese is delicious.

sadly, this Unskippable didn't seem to do it for me. maybe with some aging, as with a cheese...

I am trying to understand the evocative nature of the intro to this game...

Then I try to stop because I realize they slammed every trope they could into the thing and spread the plotonium too thin.

I... I watched that and I have no idea what anything is about...

haha oh the epic storylines and expositions...for an RTS game
wait, wasn't this (unlike Halo Wars, to some extent) an utter failure at bringing RTS to consoles? haha

"Segaaaa... Preeesents..."
That's going to be stuck in my head all day. Thanks, guys. Also, well-done with the LHC bit.

Ha, great episode. That cutscene was seriously bad. I can't even figure out what gen the game is from. The only other game to do that was Damnation.

I liked how you made it look like he wants to open the door because she sees a hot chick, then gives up because he sees she's got a nasty scar... it fit perfectly over the original scene.

Random Wanderer:
Ugh. Guys... shut UP. I couldn't even tell if the cutscene was supposed to be bad or not, because you talked over THE ENTIRE THING. Unskippable is best when you intermix your comments with the in-game stuff, not when you completely drown the cutscene out.

Yes, I know that's an impolite way of saying that, but I've said it before and apparently not gotten the point across, so I figure this time I'll go for the troll approach if that's what it takes.

Wow, dude, I can't belive they didn't change their style because you asked them! I mean, any good content creator needs to change everything if a single guy doesn't like what they're doing. I hope that now that you've made clear how upset you are they will start listening to you!

When are you guys going to do the new final fantasy?!?! All that game is is like one big movie!

Nickymonkey:
When are you guys going to do the new final fantasy?!?! All that game is is like one big movie!

They might have to spread that throughout an entire month, just like Metal Gear Solid 4.

"Why even bother HAVING subtitles if they're so small you can't read them?"

Damn right. Also, I think X-Blades had that problem too.

"SD TV friendly" also nice Science reference... hahahaha!

ps: the narrator is hot by the way.

I have very rarely been so confused in so short and amount of time.

One thing i am very certain of though, I don't care about any of those people, or what they are doing.

Hey!
Tentacles present a FANTASTIC corporate image.

Random Wanderer:
Ugh. Guys... shut UP. I couldn't even tell if the cutscene was supposed to be bad or not, because you talked over THE ENTIRE THING. Unskippable is best when you intermix your comments with the in-game stuff, not when you completely drown the cutscene out.

On one hand I agree, I had the same feeling that they were talking over way too much of it (although I don't generally have that issue with their stuff) but on a second thought I realized that without their constant banter I think I might have just been board. Essentially the cut scene was so flimsy that it barely supported it's own mocking.

And I have no idea what type of game this will be, and the threat seems so amorphous. As far as I can tell in an attempt to stop global warming they instead opened a gate to hell at which point they froze a bunch of random people and left the rest to die. So now you are fighting demonic zombie Al Gores?

and man does that main character look generic.

the cutscene was so confusing that i trouble getting what some of the jokes were bad subtitles ftl.

I think I may have watched to much Unskippable, I can't play FFXIII without riffing the cutscenes :)

"The tentacles don't represent the right corporal image"

But it's a mutated Asari, how can you possibly ask her to remove her tentacles! Why, she reproduces with them of all things! :(

Random Wanderer:
Ugh. Guys... shut UP. I couldn't even tell if the cutscene was supposed to be bad or not, because you talked over THE ENTIRE THING. Unskippable is best when you intermix your comments with the in-game stuff, not when you completely drown the cutscene out.

Yes, I know that's an impolite way of saying that, but I've said it before and apparently not gotten the point across, so I figure this time I'll go for the troll approach if that's what it takes.

No you got a good point.. As of late they've been talking over everything instead of flowing with it.. The past few episodes weren't that great for me because of this.

Ok, so what the hell is this game about? Some sorta disaster that involves firestorms, that's all I was able to make out, the rest didn't make any sense what-so-ever.

Also yes, making the subtitles too small to read is kinda pointless.

Come on, Sega, The Joker's plans make more sense than this game!

Also, great job as always.

Becoming Insane:
"Segaaaa... Preeesents..."
That's going to be stuck in my head all day. Thanks, guys. Also, well-done with the LHC bit.

What's funny is that I made the exact same "Preeesents..." joke about a half second before they did it XD

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