I Hit It With My Axe: Episode 17: A Dire Situation

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The bag of flies is for snacks! Goblin morning cereal... well, that and Elvios(TM) - freshly squeezed wood elf hearts.

Either way, very funny episode. The series is on a good roll here.

ThaBenMan:
I would love to make an illustration of some scene out of the group's adventure myself. I just need to go watch some old episodes to pick a good scene and get their characters all straight and everything. And also get off my lazy ass to do it :P

IMO them running away from the flaming ooze would be great. The visual I have in my head is hilarious.

Love you, Satine, but I was with Mandy the whole way. No way I was running back into the middle of a bridge full of goblins trying to get a dead elf, when I've got one friendly left on their feet and three unconscious. That's all we need is for one smart-ass goblin shaman to dispel the cleric's darkness spell when she's right in the middle of the evac. Then what, Frankie drags all five of you back to town?

mcspankie:
Great episode. The only thing that I can think of to make this better is to change Justine from a guest star to a featured player.

TRUTH!

Seriously though, all that I can see that's kept her from contributing far more to the game is the fact that she seems to continuously start out at -2 HP over and over again. Once her level and abilities catch up a bit to the rest of the world and certain members of the party, her toon could just roll in, quote Sepultura lyrics and lay waste, which I have no doubt she'd do in the cutest way possible. Also, given some of the comments made regarding her professional talents, I can only see the dynamic between Justine and Kimberly getting funnier as one delves further into the island of misfit men for casting decisions and the other sticks with girl on girl interactions.

Seriously.

Yep, Just turned 30 in May. Its the Philippina in me. Gunna keep me young till i'm 50 then BLAMO... imna turn into yoda.

Mookie_Magnus:
15 years... That means Satine is 30? Huh... I would have thought most of the girls were in their early twenties, as they don't look that old.

I'm an illustrator. http://satinephoenix.daportfolio.com
That's what I do now professionally. I quit porn a year ago.
I do commissions, email me on this site or my website and we can talk further about this.

Chipperz:
Ahh, I start GMing again this weekend, and this has given me absolutely tons of ideas, cheers Zak, you're awesome :D

Also, that picture of Mirror is gorgeous! Any chance you guys do commissions for other character artwork to save me doing some shitty photoshop? :P

Satine Phoenix:
I'm an illustrator. http://satinephoenix.daportfolio.com

Hi Satine,
Registered just to tell you that the pictures of the redheaded girl with the gasmask and the cat person's face are absolutely incredible.

Regards,

Satine Phoenix:
I'm an illustrator. http://satinephoenix.daportfolio.com

This one of Zak & Mandy is particularly good, as anyone who's watched the show can appreciate:
image

Psst, hey Frankie, it's seppuku!

Keep on looting.

This is becoming one of my favorite shows on the Escapist, up there with Zero Punctuation and Escape to the Movies. Not only does it make me really want to play D&D[1] and listen to the Sword, but the cast actually seems to love the game that they're in and pretty much everyone seems pretty active in talking with their audience... I can't remember the last time I've seen Yahtzee get in a conversation with someone; he probably never has. I really enjoy watching these videos and please keep them up.

[1] I have never played D&D or anything like it but I've always wanted to... I don't even know how to play.

Ratcheting up the tension like that is such a decidedly harsh thing to do, I'm actually proud of you Zak, you magnificent bastard. :D

I didn't think that Satine or anyone else from the show would actually reply on a forum lol. That's awesome. So has nobody rolled a human warrior for all the bonus feats or what? Go easymode and just use a greataxe and be a weapon master. cleaveycleaveycleave! :) all those goblins woulda got owned.

I believe the barbaric KK is their only tank.

Hexador:

ThaBenMan:
I would love to make an illustration of some scene out of the group's adventure myself. I just need to go watch some old episodes to pick a good scene and get their characters all straight and everything. And also get off my lazy ass to do it :P

IMO them running away from the flaming ooze would be great. The visual I have in my head is hilarious.

SO...yeah..spent 3 hours on this in paint for no good reason after I made the above post. Was gonna delete it but I figure I might as well see if any one thinks it is funny.

image

As you can see my artistic skills are not there just yet, but im confident that after a little practice I could take any of you art snobs on in a duel of the pencil!

^^ That is awesome! I am a big fan of stick figure comics made in paint. He he.
I got some kinda bad news at the doctor today but that cheered me up.

Aw, Mandy. I hope the kinda bad news will take a turn for the better. Sending love your way.

Thanks! =). Sorry to hear about the bad news but I am glad I could cheer you up and hope you feel better! Your party needs their fearless leader around to save them from TKOs after all =P.

Zak is a merciless DM. Fact.

Double post fail.

I loved the two character saves from the edge of death plus recovering Mirror's body. Way to turn defeat into a kind of victory.

And yes, the long drug-out lookup of the potion was beautifully evil. Way to milk more fun out of something simple.

mezmir:
I didn't think that Satine or anyone else from the show would actually reply on a forum lol. That's awesome. So has nobody rolled a human warrior for all the bonus feats or what? Go easymode and just use a greataxe and be a weapon master. cleaveycleaveycleave! :) all those goblins woulda got owned.

From what I remember reading on the forum, Zak's houseruled hybrid game doesn't use feats. I think the logic is that by giving a list of what you CAN do, you really are limiting yourself and creating a bunch of other things you CAN'T do. Without specific feats, characters can try pretty much any wild stunt they can think of, and the DM just says, "Cool. Try it."

Vivka:
Zak is a merciless DM. Fact.

Your name is familiar. You are the girl who was mentioned as part of Zak's Call of Cthulhu game?

BillionSix:

Vivka:
Zak is a merciless DM. Fact.

Your name is familiar. You are the girl who was mentioned as part of Zak's Call of Cthulhu game?

She is that girl.

Did nobody else notice Justine running around with no pants on?

Anyway, it's surprised me how endearing these girls are. I've never really been in to the 'alternative' style, with tattoos and noserings and dyed hair, et cetera. In fact, I guess you could say it was kind of a prejudice, since my immediate reaction to Mandy, for example, was "bleh, creepy freakish Mohawk chick that'd probably gut me with a fishing knife and bathe in my blood". But then she turns out to be sweet and charming, and attractive, and intelligent, and saavy, and uses phrases like "psychological microcosm". Which shattered all my preconceptions (except maybe the fish-knife-gutting part. But most people seem to want to do that to me, thus it's probably an unrelated issue). So, in a way, this show actually sort of kind of... enlightened me. Huh.

"A bag full of flies. They are alive."

Brilliant!

Gosh, I watched all the episodes last month and I... don't remember the flaming ooze?

Those death rules are quite scary... using very rough statistical math, the odds you'll roll over your constitution are around 1/3 (with 13 Con) and the average hit point loss is 3.5 on a 1d6, so you're going to lose an average of 1.1 hit points per hour for eight hours -- hope you were at -1 to start with, and don't roll any sixes!

Jack T Robyn:
My personal nastiness is to require spot, listen, and will checks for nothing.

That's not nastiness, that's just good GMing - players don't get bored when they think something's about to ambush them :P It DID once lead to the following conversation with our last group's power gamer though...

Him - "I got a spot of... 38! What do I see?"
Me - "Nothing."
Him - "But I got a spot roll of 38! I see whatever's there!"
Me - "And you see nothing."
Him - "But the DMG says that DCs for our level don't go above 25! I HAVE to see what's there!"
Me - *beats idiot round the head with the Iron Kingdoms Character Guide. All 400 hardback pages*

So yeah, watch out for idiots ;)

Satine Phoenix:
I'm an illustrator. http://satinephoenix.daportfolio.com
That's what I do now professionally. I quit porn a year ago.
I do commissions, email me on this site or my website and we can talk further about this.

Chipperz:
Ahh, I start GMing again this weekend, and this has given me absolutely tons of ideas, cheers Zak, you're awesome :D

Also, that picture of Mirror is gorgeous! Any chance you guys do commissions for other character artwork to save me doing some shitty photoshop? :P

...WOW! Whatever response (if any) I got from that kind of idle enquiry, I genuinely wasn't expecting it to work :o

I'm sending you an email now. Your stuff is gorgeous and I'd love to get some professional illustrations done for a project I'm working on :)

Chipperz:

Him - "But the DMG says that DCs for our level don't go above 25! I HAVE to see what's there!"

... and THIS sums up rather nicely why I prefer Lamentations of the Flame Princess or other old school simulacra to D&D 3.5 these days. ;)

Navdi:

Chipperz:

Him - "But the DMG says that DCs for our level don't go above 25! I HAVE to see what's there!"

... and THIS sums up rather nicely why I prefer Lamentations of the Flame Princess or other old school simulacra to D&D 3.5 these days. ;)

Bleh, a game is only as good as it's DM, and 3.5 is BRILLIANT if you play it out freeform, more as "guidelines" than actual rules.

Besides, the 4.0 DMG says that I HAVE to let the players win, no matter what they do. Fuck. That.

I genuinely enjoyed how Zak Smith's voice completely flipped over into an uncanny high-pitched tone when he started screwing about with the whole white vial thing, as if he had trouble holding back the sheer shadenfreude he was experiencing.

BEST EPISODE YET. :) i seriosly could not stop laughing for a bit, i had to pause so i could hear the rest. very well done!

Noumenon:
Gosh, I watched all the episodes last month and I... don't remember the flaming ooze?

In episode five the party fights an ooze. Connie and Frankie work together to set him on fire.

Chipperz:

Bleh, a game is only as good as it's DM, and 3.5 is BRILLIANT if you play it out freeform, more as "guidelines" than actual rules.

Besides, the 4.0 DMG says that I HAVE to let the players win, no matter what they do. Fuck. That.

Chipperz, I'm not saying D&D 3.5 isn't a good game. Just that it isn't for me. I think it is just fine for what it is supposed to do, that is, empower the players against the "whimsy of the Evil Dungeon Master". 4th edition is just a logical development of the same trend.

The argument that a game is only as good as it's DM has little relevance to this. Sure, a good DM can turn an evening of playing Yahtsee into a thought-provoking, character intensive role-playing session. It doesn't mean Yahtsee is a good RPG.

Vivka:
Zak is a merciless DM. Fact.

It's just his way of showing affection...
;)

I like to ask for rolls-- "Hey Player X, give me a Sense Motive/Subterfuge roll." & when they fail pass them a note that says "Everything is fine. Player Y is acting normally."

I like to do this when Character Y goes out of the room & comes back, just to fuck with them in tense situations.

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