Zero Punctuation: Ninja Gaiden 2

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Funny and informative "review" as always.

I really wanna play NGII, but I don't have the cash to buy a half-dozen new controllers that I will undoubtedly demolish out of sheer frustration to go along with it. Until they start making Xbox 360 controllers out of indestructible space-age materials that could withstand a shotgun blast from 3 paces, I think it's better if I just skip over Ninja Gaiden II and spare myself the empty bank account and rage-induced baldness.

It must be at least four years since I heard anyone use the term "ring-piece".

its amusing cause i have haemophilia hahahaha, no1 career choice definately being "ninja goon #43" lol

Best ZP in a while in my opinion. The CIA guys popping up in their sexy, stylish and oh-so-practical dress code made me literally LOL.

So now I have to go curl up in a corner and pray for a quick and merciful death.

Recently played it and agree with this review, like the difficulty curve of the bosses, while one may be finger breaking hard and another so easy there's no real strategy to it other than button mashing.

Pirates ftw.

Rather spot on when it comes to the review, but the story was intentionally bad, that must be kept in mind.

I liked the review. I still think his old into/outro with the clever music was better tho. I cna think of some interesting songs to go with this game review.

Liked it... Even if the claws were the only weapon I didn't use when I played it.

I thought so... I heard that game sucked.

Whats with the shitty new intros? I like the old ones with a different song that usually pertains to the game being reviewed. Oh well, its not going to stop me from watching every new episode.


A picture says more then a thousand words:
Yea, answer thát question, when was the last time you saw a ninja with wenches ;)
Also, see exibit A: Ryu's suit, and ofcourse exibit B: his "relationship" with that CIA girl.
Ninjas: an equal opportunity employer!

Well done review but.... oooohhhh... oh no you dit-int! I thought after the web comic video that you understood the overwhelming lameness that is:

etc, etc, etc juvenile internet bullshit.

So what, are you being ironic and borderline hypocritical while poor at joke telling or sincere and horribly pathetic? I expected better, for shame. But really, I think the only reason it was an easy enough target to bother me is because of your disregard to the volume of the FUCK YEA ROCKING GUITAR that makes waiting for those extra jokes an annoyance to everyone else in the house. In fact, I'd bet you even raised the volume since its inception. So as to not make even more of a hypocrite of yourself, why not do the non-webcomicist thing and actually accept this as constructive criticism and change? That'll teach 'em, eh?'

So yes, volume please.

A surprising review to be sure.
Because he, in my opinion, got everything absolutely right. When I saw he did NG2, I was wondering how he'd get around the notion that no matter what he said, he'd simply be spammed by a legion of fanboys saying "Well, you're probably just shit at it".

He dodged the bullet very well while still pointing out that while good, it's still flawed and could have been so much more with just a few extra months of development and bug tweaking.

He's entirely justified to rip into MGS4 seeing as any game with that stupid amount of cutscene crap and blatant nudge-winkery to the player dserves all it gets.

Oh and there's like a running sentiment with some of the comments, that Yahtzee is slipping in his style. They have a point, there's something lacking from these latest ones..

Still funny though

I think Yahtzee is still maintaining par with previous reviews. I just think the games he's reviewing aren't interesting. Wait until the next big thing comes up and hope Yahtzee decides to review it.


Is that really how Britzelandstralians pronounce "Ritalin"?

Yes, what other way is there to pronounce it? *Is Australian*

Look Yahtzee if you're really that interested in Snake/Otacon then I can link you to some fan fiction. I don't think you're fooling anyone. ^^

i like the comment at the end that pirates are better anyways! go pirates!

Yet another fantastic review from one of the very few inteligent game reviewers around...Incredibly funny...but still gets down to hard facts and beats down on the game like a puppy being told off for pissing on the Queen. Keep it up, and i'll be here every wednesday til the day you die.


Sorry Yahtzee, ninjas are way better then pirates.

A pirate i was meant to be, trim the sails and roam the seas.

When Ninjas get an equally awesome song then the discussion can start.

Impossible of course, because they coudn't sing a fart!

A pirate I was meant to be! Trim the sails and roam the sea!

Ninjas cannot hold their own, because they have no wenches.


(insert next line here)

Let me just get it out of the way before more uninspired 'good one' posts appear that I want Yahtzee to go back and watch some of his very first ZP/FR videos. I was wondering what was so different, in a bad way, about his latest films and I discovered that it's because he went from a very proper and professional sounding critic to an angry videogame nerd... and we already have one of those.

Essentially, he should stop yelling and sounding so excited as much as he should just sound like a carefree reviewer.

If you don't believe me, watch this video again, then watch the Heavenly Sword video.

You know, I really can't see what the massive difference is between his new videos and his older ones, other than the hypertrophy of his talking speed. I just watched the Tomb Raider video for comparison. It's a broadly similar game and many of the criticisms he makes are the same in both reviews. Honest to God, what is the difference? Where is this percieved quantity of professionalism to be found?

I'm sure you checked your cynicism hat in the mirror before stepping into the thread (judging from your platitudinous use of "uninspired", you're not new to critiquing things online), but let me scratch off your "uninspired" criticism that it was better Back In The Day and give two reasons why the style of ZP has altered slightly over the last few months:

1. Finding your feet. The Heavenly Sword review was the third proper ZP review Yahtzee had ever made, and nobody settles completely into an established style after three episodes of anything. Slight stylistic shifts and revisions are evident in everything just starting out.

2. Familiarity. As both the creator and the audience of something become more familiar with the conventions of the piece, their outlook will change. The appeal of freshness and innovation wears away somewhat, and expectations begin to set in.

These two things happen with every episodic show, column, comic etc. Telling Yahtzee to fix it is futile, because you can't erase your past experiences with ZP, and neither can he. ZP is essentially reaching the stage where Yahtzee is stuck between a rock and a hard place: repeat what's proven and people will accuse him of becoming stale and repetitive. Try and alter the formula and people (like you) will complain that the essence of the show has been loss, corrupted or altered too far.

As for this notion that he's stopped being a professional critic and has become an angry nerd- which Yahtzee have you been reading and watching? ZP has never, ever been a professional review show. As pure reviews, even the early episodes you cherish are utterly terrible, and I'm speaking as a reviewer myself with years of experience. I get sick of people on forums judging ZP on traditional reviewer criteria. The driving force of ZP has always been humour, and the standard formula is that the game in question becomes the springboard for observational humour that attacks a larger gaming issue, whether it's money-spinning remakes, developer idiocy/laziness, classic design mistakes, reviewer hype or gamers themselves. Yahtzee is still doing this, and in many ways he's got it down to more of a tee than ever.

ZP has varied quality, like everything else. It's incredibly rare to find anything episodic that maintains the same high quality throughout every episode. I personally found this a very entertaining episode, although oft times I've felt the opposite when most people were praising the episode in question. Such are the vicissitudes of comedy. People shouldn't pretend that there's been some terminal slip in quality or ethos just because they didn't laugh so much this week.


Is that really how Britzelandstralians pronounce "Ritalin"?

Yes, what other way is there to pronounce it? *Is Australian*

American pronunciation is with a long "i" sound.

Everthing you just said (sorry cutting it down due to length)

THANK YOU! I'm brand new to ZP and I've watched all the reviews. I have no idea what everyone has their panties in a bunch about. The only major difference I've seen is probably added professionalism in the quality of the productions he puts out. I agree with your point about anything he would change would piss off one crowd yet if he keeps it the same, he pisses off another. My advice, if you don't like it anymore, why are you still watching it? It must still be good on some level for you to come back every week and watch it. Hell, it's good enough for you to write up a post to waste a few minutes of your life to tell him how awful he's become and how he needs to "do better".

I'm not defending Yahtzee; I think he's more than capable of defending himself. I just find the lack of coherent discussion about what's so wrong other than "you've changed" with nothing further than a few insults ("he's a troll" opposed to the sunshine and daisies his earlier reviews were....what?). There's also the whole mentality that's found in so many different circles (movies, music, etc) that once something gets popular, people start screaming "sell-out" or something equal to that. I've never been able to fathom this train of thought, and I obviously never will.

Best one in a while. :D
Not much to say other than keep up the good work.

I don't get it. Did he like it or did he hate it?

Couldn't ask for a more entertaining and bluntfully true review. HOWEVER, I'm suprised and unhappy you forgot to mention the jackassery of Team Ninja of adding 3 new sets of costumes for 200 points each, when they should of bundled it all together for 200 points, or add the suits as unlockables to the Mission Mode or something.

You do know that, if you beat the game on different difficulties, you unlock different costumes, right?

Hahahah - Silly aussies. It's 'Rit-uh-Lin', not 'right-ah-lin'

EDIT: Sorry, didn't realize i was beaten to that punch.


The review was...passable, not your best, but not the worst. The gay CIA and boob jokes were pretty funny. However, pirates? Come on now, do you really think pirates are better than ninjas. Lets think about it. Ninjas are silent, stealthy killing machines. Pirates are guys who dress up in flamboyant cloths, and sail around with a bunch of other colourfully dressed men singing show tunes and shouting Yarrr while stroking large phallic symbols...errr I mean cannons. If your into that kind of thing you can sign up for that at This is the 21st century and if thats the way you swing thats cool, but I personally like girls, so I think ninjas rock.

A picture says more then a thousand words:
Yea, answer thát question, when was the last time you saw a ninja with wenches ;)
Also, see exibit A: Ryu's suit, and ofcourse exibit B: his "relationship" with that CIA girl.

You mean the fat homosexual and the 2 transexuals hanging off him? So, Yea I answer your question with this.

To fix the camera you would have to put all the enemies in front of Ryu and keep them there until he shreds them into bloody ribbons.... which doesn't make any sense.

I don't think it's fair to complain about something that really can't be fixed, unless you dumb down the AI to.... I don't know... Dynasy Warriors AI?

Also you do have a lot of dead dialogue involved in your reviews sometimes... I get the impression that you don't think this game is that great but then again you were talking about CIA agents for a little while. Entertaining, I'll admit, yet sometimes I like to just see what you think of the game since your views are critical and unbiased...

Man, I dunno about Pirates. I think it may be a stalemate unless the ninja in question is Dr. Mcninja. But, that's just me.

Anyway... [insert usual positive fandom noise here]!

... I can't really think of anything original to say.

Nice, old school style ZP for once. I liked it.

Agree completely. The last few reviews just kind of... well they weren't the same...

This definitely hit the spot though, and I loved it 100%.

Mistah Kurtz:
Hahahah - Silly aussies. It's 'Rit-uh-Lin', not 'right-ah-lin'

EDIT: Sorry, didn't realize i was beaten to that punch.

And your tarring all of us with the same brush as Yahtzee cause..?

Yahtzee is not that indicative of Australians (no duh). A large portion of us understand that the people Nathan Drake were fighting were all Indonesians (and not "an assorted collection of Blacks, Asians and Latinos" - white supremacy indeed, he's just fighting pirates)

I would like to go on record as saying that the last little "metaphor" sequence has scarred me for life.

*sends therapy bills to Yahtzee*

To fix the camera you would have to put all the enemies in front of Ryu and keep them there until he shreds them into bloody ribbons.... which doesn't make any sense.

Not having played this game I can't quite say what the camera's like, but surely for a good camera in a third-person game you just need to be able to move it around without it getting caught on things, then quickly move it back to a "neutral" position?

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