Zero Punctuation: Castlevania: Lords of Shadow 2 - It Sucks, Ha.

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Y'know, if they needed to force a castle into Castlevania set in the modern day couldn't they just have had one inside a theme park, but turn it evil because reasons.

Sad thing is that as screwy as Blood Omen 2 was, it's forced stealth was better because you at least had the catharsis of stealth killing your pursuers.

Good stuff, as always.

I would like to comment on your final bit of text: 'can vampires stop being sexy?'

In the business of monsters and otherness, the single most defining characteristic of vampires from the beginning (aside from the etymological link to dragons 'dracul') is their sexual deviancy and otherworldly allure. Fascination with blood, oral fixation, love of high class and royal bloodlines, this is all part of the origin of the 'vampyr' and the continuing convention through the years. The sexual aspect was emphasized even more heavily in Anne Rice's work with Lestat and so on, but it was present with Bram Stoker too.

So I would say that when vampires stop being sexy, they lose their historical identity. I would be okay if they lost their angst and complete lack of personality though.

Lfarmegaman:
Good stuff, as always.

I would like to comment on your final bit of text: 'can vampires stop being sexy?'

In the business of monsters and otherness, the single most defining characteristic of vampires from the beginning (aside from the etymological link to dragons 'dracul') is their sexual deviancy and otherworldly allure. Fascination with blood, oral fixation, love of high class and royal bloodlines, this is all part of the origin of the 'vampyr' and the continuing convention through the years. The sexual aspect was emphasized even more heavily in Anne Rice's work with Lestat and so on, but it was present with Bram Stoker too.

So I would say that when vampires stop being sexy, they lose their historical identity. I would be okay if they lost their angst and complete lack of personality though.

I don't think all vampires need to loose their personality it makes the story a tad more intresting. Catlevania rondo of blood and sotn. The both showed me how Dracula could still be a horrible monster, while having hints of showing the man he once was.

Oh yeah obligatory video post is going to be posted.

So sad that Yahtzee missed the "Professor X-Not-To-Die" joke that was set up there..

I can't believe no one's mentioned Dawn of Sorrow, a Castlevania game that's metroidvania and you get to play as Dracula. It's probably far too jrpg and whiney for Yahtzee's taste, but it's also probably less so than Lords of Shadows 2.

But really what's with the whole thing in Japan where they keep greenlighting game subseries? What's next, Final Fantasy:Crystal Chronicles 8: Return of the Moogle: Moogle Subspecies: Tactics Advanced 4: Episode 3?

Is it wrong taking almost a sexual joy in watching games I played but didn't enjoy being ripped apart and curbstomped by Yahtzee's critique?

Arnoxthe1:

Cecilthedarkknight_234:

Lfarmegaman:
Good stuff, as always.

I would like to comment on your final bit of text: 'can vampires stop being sexy?'

In the business of monsters and otherness, the single most defining characteristic of vampires from the beginning (aside from the etymological link to dragons 'dracul') is their sexual deviancy and otherworldly allure. Fascination with blood, oral fixation, love of high class and royal bloodlines, this is all part of the origin of the 'vampyr' and the continuing convention through the years. The sexual aspect was emphasized even more heavily in Anne Rice's work with Lestat and so on, but it was present with Bram Stoker too.

So I would say that when vampires stop being sexy, they lose their historical identity. I would be okay if they lost their angst and complete lack of personality though.

I don't think all vampires need to loose their personality it makes the story a tad more intresting. Catlevania rondo of blood and sotn. The both showed me how Dracula could still be a horrible monster, while having hints of showing the man he once was.

Oh yeah obligatory video post is going to be posted.

I prefer the Dracula X Chronicles version, myself.

sounds about right. The whole LoS experiment has obviously failed and now with Koji Igarashi having left Konami I think it's safe to say that the series is going to be put on ice for awhile. I really don't know what happened, but Konami has become one giant joke. They basically abandoned anything Hudson Soft related, drove Silent Hill right into the ground by giving it to hack studios, and now has let Castlevania implode. Pretty much the only two games they've released in the past few years that have been good have been Metal Gear Rising and the Contra spin-off Hard Corps: Uprising. This is pathetic

Every video on the site is still showing up as just a 45 second ad for the youtube channel, which doesn't have the latest video. Is anyone else having this issue? It's infuriating waiting through yet another Diablo 3 commercial only to find out that I get to watch the ad yet again. Can't get any response from anyone running the site :(

Enlong:

I really don't get why this game gets so much vitriol. It improved on practically every single aspect of the first game, with more varied combat, less annoying QTEs, great bosses and spectacle cut-scenes, a really fluid and fun platforming and even the graphics are great (I have no idea where some people get their screenshots, I am running it with the HD texture pack and on medium settings and it looks downright gorgeous).

The only issue that no one can question is the presence of the stealth-sections, which make little sense in the narrative and often unnecessarily complicated by under-explained mechanics (protip: in the Agreus section, mist-form is your friend). I would also argue that these stealth-sections were just replacing the annoying puzzles from the first game.

All things considered, this game is pretty much the equivalent of a summer blockbuster. Not very cerebral, has a bunch of problems, but it is so much FUN.

Can we go back to when Vampires weren't sexy?

When was that? I can't recall a time when vampires weren't sexy.

I'm glad you bring the bit about his name up, Yahtzee.

Dracul = The Dragon.

Dracula = Son of the Dragon.

So really, Alucard should be Dracula, and Gabriel should be Dracul. If... that's what they were going for.

OT: I did like the game, somehow, despite recognizing all of it's faults. There's a healthy chunk of game here, as I logged about 21 hours in the game, given that I spent a lot of time exploring - and I could have explored more - but exploring and backtracking is such an enormous pain compared to the side-scrolling Metroidvania games of yore. Plus, the ending was TERRIBLE.

GabeZhul:
I really don't get why this game gets so much vitriol. It improved on practically every single aspect of the first game, with more varied combat, less annoying QTEs, great bosses and spectacle cut-scenes, a really fluid and fun platforming and even the graphics are great (I have no idea where some people get their screenshots, I am running it with the HD texture pack and on medium settings and it looks downright gorgeous).

The only issue that no one can question is the presence of the stealth-sections, which make little sense in the narrative and often unnecessarily complicated by under-explained mechanics (protip: in the Agreus section, mist-form is your friend). I would also argue that these stealth-sections were just replacing the annoying puzzles from the first game.

All things considered, this game is pretty much the equivalent of a summer blockbuster. Not very cerebral, has a bunch of problems, but it is so much FUN.

I liked it, but I'll even say that the platforming was kind of crud (Besides the magic lights, he jumps in a very stiff manner, and there's not much sense of freedom in the climbing bits either, making the ones without a timing challenge seem like annoying busywork), and the environments were very one note (modern day being worse, but the castle got pretty samey too). Compared to the first one, which felt much more epic quest in scope (other then the gigantic labrynth ruins of werewolf land).

Then again, half of the complaints on the first one were that it didn't use the Castle enough, which seems to have been taken perhaps too much to heart.

It seems like they could've worked the Castle into the modern day better as well. You do stumble across bits of it in the modern real world amongst the city, and the first game mentioned it could alter itself/regrow, so you could easily run into large parts of it underground without the wacky memory mode thing.

Dracula being acquainted (loosely, he sure as hell doesn't recognize police) with modern times could be fairly easily summed up by him drinking the family's blood early on, with acquired memories being a fairly regular thing in vampiric lore. The modern day section also starts an unspecified amount of time *after* Zobek first wakes him up and he went out the window then ported back. The window is already broken in the modern day start, and the Zobek awakening sequence is displayed as a flashback. Or he simply had an offscreen rapid fire course from Zobek or

That duck quest looks really difficult :/

It tickles me to no end thinking of a dark brooding vampire at Disney World who's trying, and failing, to look like he's not having a good time. He'll have to come out of Space Mountain and stare at the ground of a while until he can finally mumble without cracking a huge smile.

Moth_Monk:
Vampires have always supposed to be have been sexy; read Dracula by Bram Stoker ffs.

There is alluring and then there is super model. Bit tonal difference.

Excuse me sir, could you direct me to the naval base in Alameda? It's where they keep the nuclear wessels. Nu-cle-ar. Wessels.

Sounds like Dracula to me.

Mangod:
Sooo... is the short summary following the title of the game going to be the new naming trend for ZP episodes? Just wondering.

At least no one will be confused if Yahtzee liked a game or not.

Hello to Satan Isaacs.

I admittedly wouldn't mind a time-displaced Dracula-in-modern-times affair if it was actually handled with any degree of competence. The opportunity for acclimation would have given Konami tons of the bathos they seem to love to bring out when Metal Gear is on stage.

That said, I think I could see Castlevania working in a modern setting. Hear me out here. Imagine Dracula casting himself in the guise of a stunningly charismatic yet amoral businessman with some product that makes mindless slaves of human beings (geez, exaggerated Apple parody much?), and you play as a modern-day Belmont who's figured out what's going on and is due to go after Dracula. On the one hand you can have your beating up of human dudes when you fight your way through Dracula's security guards of increasing strength and ludicrousness, and yet you can also have your Gothic high fantasy by stepping through portals that flip the office environment maps for the classic castle setting. Sort of like the old 202% completion rub by tracking both real world and castle completions, and you get bleed-over from the classic Castlevania into modern day (like the increasing appearance of more traditional Castlevania monsters in the real world near portals to the other side).

Build a modestly sized open world around the huge, labyrinthine building and the castle itself, and you can get just enough of the exploration and fighting for everyone. No need to bring guns even into the modern day setting if you make the subweapons a bit more tolerable, or just take the Metal Gear route and have all the weapons be gene-locked or something.

But what do I know, I'm just rambling at this point.

I think it's safe to say you can't expect a non-mopey, badass lord of darkness draculay player character wthout somewhat feminine looks from a Japanese company

I figured Yahtzee was gonna say "like God of War but".
Should've expected to hear it early on in the video.

I kind of question where Castlevania is going now. They've already rebooted the whole thing, had Dracula beat Simon, and decide to not really do the whole Lord of Darkness thing. So..now what? Another reboot? Go back to the original timeline? I just dunno.

What do Australians or Britons call their version of the DMV? Do they call it the DMV? Because no United States DMV would have a sign that says "Queue Here". A sign that says "Take A Number And Wait (P.S. I Hope You Are An Immortal Vampire Because You'll Be Here For A Devilishly Long Time)" maybe, but no "Queue Here".

Blunderboy:
So turns out Dracula is a Malkavian?
I always had him pegged as a Ventrue.

image

I see I wasn't the only one that thought of my first malk playthrough of Bloodlines when I noticed the stop sign in this video :)

Sofus:

Blunderboy:
So turns out Dracula is a Malkavian?
I always had him pegged as a Ventrue.

I see I wasn't the only one that thought of my first malk playthrough of Bloodlines when I noticed the stop sign in this video :)

I believe that he is a Tzimisce, officially. Makes sense, what with all the Vlad the Impaler business.

I only want to know why Dracula looks like Dave Grohl

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