Zero Punctuation: Child of Day-Light - Horror and Whimsy

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That terrible rhyming would drive me nuts too, so now I know to avoid Child of Light if I'm tempted by a sale.

Doesn't Yahtzee have a rhyme show where every line must rhyme?

Yes...that Daylight movie was much the same fare...honestly, were I a customer, I'd feel slightly had.


* * *

"Ice Dentist"

That floored me. And now I'm curious as to what the ice monster looks like to warrant that comparison.


Would you kindly removed the word "just"?
For this rhyme, I feel it's a must
Because, as you know
It messed up the flow
This post to a long time to write.

Man, that is hard. Still, they were just working with couplets. I'm sure they could've come up with a way to do it without having it sound too forced, right?

Accidental double post. Where the heck is the delete button on this site? I've been here for two years and I never really needed to use it. Eh, I'll just wait and hope a mod notices.

While I can usually put up with all dialog in a game purposefully rhyming, I at least expect it to be done well.

If this is the case with Child of Light, then I imagine it would annoy me about as much as it seems to have annoyed Yahtzee.

What the fuck Yahtzee. How dare you slam a game for an entirely Poetic script. While I haven't played the game heard that it's poetry is amazingly beautiful and it was probably hard for someone to wright all that. And I don't see YOU do any better...

Please, please, please tell me you're being facetious...




You probably weren't aware that Yahtzee and Jim do a video series that's Poetry:

But yeah, if you haven't played the game, you don't know how good the poetry is. Second hand opinion isn't solid.

I know

At least they don't use ye Olde Englishe.

Dentist of Ice and Badger of Earth
That was really nice, it brought me great mirth

Of course if it was a SMT game you'd also have to deal with Confusion Jeep and Instant-Death Wallaby at the same time.

I think child of light's problem is that there just isn't enough customization involved. Even RPGs we consider 'old school turn based rpgs' like FF3 and Dragon's Quest had leagues of customization involved to the point where you could play through the game your whole life and never truly run out of combinations of powers, jobs, and abilities that you hadn't beaten the game with.

Also the concept of a boss cohort known as "Ice Dentist" completely slayed me for some reason. Especially if he was just this really professional looking guy whose only crime in life was to be born with blue skin and a hatred of tooth decay.



Phew. For a moment there you had me going.

Well played. I tip my hat to you.

What the fuck Yahtzee. How dare you slam a game for an entirely Poetic script. While I haven't played the game heard that it's poetry is amazingly beautiful and it was probably hard for someone to wright all that. And I don't see YOU do any better...

I sincerely hope you're being sarcastic here. He does do better: Every Wednesday on Jim and Yahtzee's Rhymedown Spectacular. Anyhow, I really enjoyed this episode because I haven't heard Yahtzee get this kinda mad in a bit.

HA! YES! Way to rip into the crappy poetry they forced into the the dialogue. Yahtzee's a poet, so of course he'd be pissed off at some hack writer butchering it.
If anyone's allowed to speak in rhyme, only one can.
And that is, my friends, the DC demon Etrigan!

Someone's finally getting some use out of that vestigial college credit poetry course they took in college. You can hear that hefty tuition justifying itself as we speak.

I've seen Child of Light's combat system, and I recall another bugging thing: it is based on speed values that leave you waiting for when you or your enemy can attack, like in SNES Final Fantasy games. It's a real stop-and-start battle system that gets dull like the way Borderlands (2) gets dull, as Yahtzee said. Turn-based battles ought to be fast: at least as fast as Pokemon's "enemy slides over, enemy cries, you send out leading Pokemon, it cries, and then scroll after scroll of text for explanation show up as the battle carries on" rigamarole and hopefully as fast as Earthbound's "if enemy is too weak, you win; if not, get to the A-button spam with fast text and win with a scratch or two" system.

What the fuck Yahtzee. How dare you slam a game for an entirely Poetic script. While I haven't played the game heard that it's poetry is amazingly beautiful and it was probably hard for someone to wright all that. And I don't see YOU do any better...

I've seen him do better. A LOT. There's one of his reviews he did all in rhyme, and his rhyme-down with Jim...

Year I agree, Child of light is somehow boring and the poetry is awefull, but the good point is it´s pretty short.
I wonder why turn based combat is still around when games without it are so much more fun.

Hmm, I hope Yahtzee will go into his opinion of Child of Light more in next weeks Extra Punctuation. Cause it didn't really seem like a full review of the game, unless he feels that there's not much to say about it either. I will however always appreciate it when he mentions that he may not be of the target audience of the game he is reviewing, cause I often like to listen to an outsiders perspective on a particular genre.

Funny how every game which gets critical acclaim must immediately be either the Second Coming or Most Overrated Shit Ever, with no middle ground.

I'm enjoying Child of Light. Its horrible poetry is grating, true. The puzzles are piss-easy and the battles are disjointed, true (well, it is a JRPG, so what can you expect)... But I find it a perfect relaxing game after a day at work. It's easy, it doesn't require a lot of thinking, and it has a soothing storybook aesthetic. I've never been much for the indie darlings, but I'm having more fun with CoL than I had since dicking around the Caribbean in AC4. Even if the rhyming is horrible and THE SAME JOKE GETS REPEATED EVERY FUCKING TIME THE JESTER SPEAKS.

So yeah, it's a good 7-8 out of 10 to me. Relaxing. Soothing. Not the greatest thing since sliced bread. Not the target for hipster hate.

I almost woke my family up laughing to that last bit.


I wonder why turn based combat is still around when games without it are so much more fun.

That's pretty subjective. Nearly all of my favourite games are turn-based.

Holy hell, i nearly woke my roommate. That ending had me in stichtes like only a few episodes. Hm, but seems my suspicions about Child of Light are correct. It appeared a little "i wanna be like them" too while sitting infront of BoI, Bastion and Limbo.

Meh, it's not that expensive though so i'll still give it a shot most likely.

XD first ZP in a while that made me laugh, good to know about Child of light though.

For me I am enjoying Child of Light I find that for the rhyming it can be hit and miss. During the main plot points it is usually on point but in the middle of that its a toss up but knowing how people cry about game makers not going outside the box I least give them a clap for effort.

I also find the battle system perfect just the right tone of simple yet dynamic without the need to be pretentiously complex for no reason the PS2 rpg era left me burnt.

I do agree with others that said its pretty straight forward nothing really in the customization department. Honestly keep the battle system and expand on the rpg mechanics on a Final Fantasy or Dragonquest level add a little more length and it would be a pretty good 20 dollar title I would scoop up again.

Someday, I'd like to make a horror game where the protagonist is just some inspector from the reposession authority investigating Dr. Stapler's foreclosed mansion laboratory.

Or perhaps a small child breaking in on a bet with the big boys behind the bikeshed.

I've had similar thoughts. I've also think of maybe using one of those professional criminals that breaks into places to rip out all the fixtures, piping, and wiring to sell for scrap. That person goes running around, finds an unmolested house that's been abandoned and figures "jackpot" only to find out nobody has stripped the place because it's haunted. :)

I've also sort of wanted to subvert some of the Asylum tropes, which tends to always come down to "cruel, sadistic, doctors tormenting innocent people with archaic science" followed by the reveal that the protagonist is either descended from one of the workers, or patients. While some vaguely similar things have been done, doing something where say the occult-obsessed doctors were basically keeping things/people imprisoned that needed to be, and setting the protagonist up to wind up dealing with the spirits and monsters by re-administering their seals and "treatments" to prevent them from further leaking out. Perhaps have the protagonist recruited to do this job professionally or something. See a monster, find the treatment records, figure out how to re-imprison it. Of course a lot of this comes from the simple fact that within this genera when the "pitiable" spirits are running around murdering the co-eds it becomes to have a lot of sympathy for the situation, especially if the background is like "well, the evil doctor, did things to this guy who was an evil child murderer which caused his spirit to be enraged" which makes sense since this is a facility where they treated the criminally insane, and somehow there is some unspoken assumsion that I'm supposed to somehow be sympathetic. A few things have come close by having the spirit of some good ghost or doctor show up, but nothing had ever gone full tilt with an idea sort of like this.

I think a lot of old ideas could be given fresh spins, and a lot of that would be in simply coming up with more varied protagonists. That isn't to say a bunch of dumb partying co-eds or teenagers isn't still fun, but it does get old., as does the person with memory loss who is deeply connected to the evil.

Got to watch out for earth badger and ice dentist. They are some bad arse dudes.

I found Child of Light to be really refreshing. That said I play it in between bouts of Titanfall, so I guess it's like taking a downer after an upper and leveling yourself out. Doesn't hurt that the main character has the same name as my daughter.

We just started a let's play of 'Child of Light' on our youtube channel. It is arduous at best. I would like it if it wasn't so... annoying.

It's sad to hear Child of Light was not written well,
I guess I should avoid it, and Daylight as wel- ah shit!

That last line may be my new favourite of yours, Yahtzee. Glad somebody is upholding poetic standards. :)

Well he has too. He has a Poetry slam with Jim Sterling every week.

What the fuck Yahtzee. How dare you slam a game for an entirely Poetic script. While I haven't played the game heard that it's poetry is amazingly beautiful and it was probably hard for someone to wright all that. And I don't see YOU do any better...

To be fair, that's part of the problem. When you try to write an entire script in rhyme, the poetry becomes too forced, and it doesn't flow properly. That's why only master poets (Dante) can typically pull it off. I think Yahtzee's last line may be my new favorite of all time : P

Otherwise I thought Child of Light looked like a beautiful game, I may give it a try at some point.

It's actually funny how easy it is to spot when Yahtzee simply didn't give a shit about a game or decided to condemn it from the get-go. He mentions the battle system and how annoying it is to control your little wisp for healing and slowing enemies while also deciding what move to make. Except that when your turn comes up the time stops and you can decide what you want to do without worrying what to do with your wisp! You can use all your wisp's resource to heal your party members during your turn and then decide what action to take. Or you can choose an enemy that you want to slow down and it will be slowed once you start your action. So yeah, kinda reminiscent of his Borderlands 2 review.

I still enjoyed a video though, funny as always.

Well personally I enjoyed Child of Light for the combat system, where the wife & I could work together to manipulate the interrupt system. That was a fun and original gaming experience for me.

As for the poetry, yeah, it was poorly done, but it was only annoying because they made me press X after EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. If they'd just presented it a full page at a time I would've been content.

Btw Yahtzee that review of Daylight made me piss myself, one of your funniest. My favourite part was "Oh wait, no, that's Mario Golf."

Ice Dentist as a techno band name. Called it! Dibs!

Also, the analogy of watching your grandfather type could not be better for explaining how that sort of crap feels.

They definitely stop trying with the rhyming in Child of Light, but it didn't hinder my reading experience for the story.

This is what I had to do for the Triple Serpent boss, which I really enjoyed on the hard difficulty. The Oculi customisation for that elemental boss was interesting.
Flying around the world is just fun, avoiding enemies or blinding them to get past to treasure chests.

I have much lower standards for a jrpg type game because this is only my 2nd after FF 8 but I really like the combat. My complaint would be the filler in the tech trees, there's 3 directions and many of the upgrades are repeats of increased MP, increased HP, increased MP defence, increased HP defence.

Also, I just like spinning around.

What the fuck Yahtzee. How dare you slam a game for an entirely Poetic script. While I haven't played the game heard that it's poetry is amazingly beautiful and it was probably hard for someone to wright all that. And I don't see YOU do any better...

except that, you know, he does better, every week on Jim and Yatzee Rhimedown videos. And entirely poetic script is a bad idea, made even worse by the examples given in this video (havent played the game so dont know how prevalent they are).

I had not idea that Yahtzee was so strict when it came to poetry.

It's not about being strict, it's that conventions exist for a reason: going against them tends to just sound bad. Sometimes this badness is more obvious than others, but the more you're into this sort of thing, the more likely you are to notice and be bothered by it.

Bad writing kills games for me almost as often as bad gameplay.

Child of Light wasn't that bad of a game.... well looking back at my play through I really didn't pay any attention to what was being said unless it was around boss fights. So yeah couldn't have been as bad as you said.

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