Escape to the Movies: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Kids Deserved Better Than This

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erttheking:

exobook:
So who was this made for?

Seeing the level of violence and the turtles characterisation it seems to crass and adult for them. Hard-core fans of the 1980's version is not going to like them for the changes. This seems to leave the fans of the 2003 cartoon version (which is never mentioned when talking about TMNT).

But lets be honest this was made for the same audience that the transformers movie was made for.

We don't talk about the 2003 version? Why not? It was a pretty good series. It's how I got into TMNT.

Yeah, I watched the original cartoon first and while I liked it and all honestly I find the 2003 version holds up better. They both have their flaws but as a whole I think the 2003 version is a better story with better characters.

Sosa Star:
I bent my pen when you were talking about their origin. WTF. Like seriously W.T.F. The kids do deserve a better movie and for mine, they'll be watching TMNT until they're old enough for the real Turtles.

Its kind of sad. In over 30 years, across 3 animated series, god knows how many comic books, and 3 live action movies each with its own style, tone, and take you'd think that they would be able to just cherry pick the stuff and make a kick ass movie. Like take the humor from the 80s cartoon, the brother dynamics and tone of the 03 cartoon with a tinge of the original Mirage books, updated character designs from the last live action franchise. Hell the fight choreography and style from the CGI TMNT movie (super underrated btw) as well. Such a shame.

Johnny Novgorod:

Charcharo:
But... you are biased... Bob...
That is normal though.

What's not normal is calling people who point this out "blithering idiots". I suppose Bob felt somehow threatened by that.

Every month or so I decide to give Bob another shot at movie reviewing. Am I being incredibly unlucky or is he really is this biased/intolerant?

For what it's worth, people will call him names and defend this movie.

These are horrible people.

Here I was hoping it would be somewhat good since I thought Bey at least got the personalities of the Turtles somewhat right. Then Mikey turns out to be a horndog...

erttheking:
....Michelangelo...horny?....BAY! You had one job! ONE FUCKING JOB! It's like something said, the turtles don't exactly have complicated personalities, SO HOW DID YOU FUCK IT UP!? He's a harmless goofball! Not a horndog!

This guy said it best. Epic fail, Bey. You are no longer allowed to do film based on known franchises ever again.

nightazday:
Worst part about this is that it didn't really need a reboot. Unlike a lot of 80s franchises people loved and grew up with several other continuities of ninja turtles. They liked the 80s cartoon, they liked the 00s cartoon, they liked the original comics, the archie comics, the live action movie, the CGI movie, and I'm pretty sure people even love the current series that's currently airing. If they just made a movie that follows the current series liked the TMNT movie did with the 07 series people would hate it less.

Ninja turtles were in all ends of the spectrum, comics were dark and gritty, 80s cartoon was silly and fun, and everything after was in between and almost all of them worked, which beg the question: how can you fuck up ninja turtles?

Give it to who either don't care about the material beyond the brand name, know nothing about the material and have no interest in trying to understand the material, are just lazy filmmakers and think they can get away with anything, or some combination of the above.

My money's on the latter.

*Clicks play on video; footage from Amazing Spider-man*

"I'm not bias... and everyone who disagrees is a fanboy."

*Immediately stops video; shakes head vigorously*

.....

*Resigned sigh; clicks on comment section*

This sounds awful, and I'm someone who only fleetingly watched the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TV show (in the days of Phil Avery's Shredder). I also liked the 2007 TMNT film, sue me.

I thought I would give this a chance when I catch on TV sometimes many years down the road.
Seems like I must be drunk at the same time as watching this, not that that's a bad thing...

Hm. Where was this outrage for the lazy, cliché, plot-hole-riddled, bland, generic Guardians of the Galaxy?

It's weird Mr. Chipman liked Guardians so much considering how much he seems to have positively hated this movie.

--Morology!

V TheSystem V:
This sounds awful, and I'm someone who only fleetingly watched the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TV show (in the days of Phil Avery's Shredder). I also liked the 2007 TMNT film, sue me.

It was a pretty fun movie to watch. It just could've benefited from being a little bit more focused and explaining things.

Ishal:

To me, while the guy with the spear and bitchin' helmet probably was cool, it doesn't really live up to the name. This suit at least does.

The moniker is not how he LOOKS, it's about what he DOES i.e. he can SHRED his enemies due to nothing more than his own skills as a warrior. He doesn't NEED power armor or superhuman powers. It's like how in a samurai movie or Ninja Scroll where you see someone be a human buzz saw despite having nothing to go on but sheer mastery of the blade.

I want to make one small remark regarding the racebending Shredder would have had if Fichtner had played him.

Is it really that big of a deal?

I mean, when there's similar outcry regarding movies like Argo I can understand it since it involved an existing person; but from what I remember being Japanese has never been a big part of Shredder's character.

Besides, the idea of William Fichtner being Shredder just sounded so freaking cool.

Oh, and I don't want to be a wise-ass but isn't Goku an alien (extraterrestrial)? Not exactly "Japanese" in that regard :P

Johnny Novgorod:

Charcharo:
But... you are biased... Bob...
That is normal though.

What's not normal is calling people who point this out "blithering idiots". I suppose Bob felt somehow threatened by that.

Every month or so I decide to give Bob another shot at movie reviewing. Am I being incredibly unlucky or is he really is this biased/intolerant?

I wouldn't call it intolerant when a person doesn't feel like coddling those who make sweeping generalizations and accusations just to satisfy their own bias. "He didn't like the movie I liked? Clearly I'm not the problem, he must be!"

Ace Morologist:
Hm. Where was this outrage for the lazy, cliché, plot-hole-riddled, bland, generic Guardians of the Galaxy?

It's weird Mr. Chipman liked Guardians so much considering how much he seems to have positively hated this movie.

--Morology!

...because Guardians of the Galaxy was good? No, how the hell can you possibly say Guardians of the Galaxy and TMNT are on the same scale? Guardians of the Galaxy has a cameraman who knows what he's doing, have the main characters BE the characters we came to see, have action scenes that don't rely on a drunk camera to be cool, and doesn't insult my intelligence.

Actually, how exactly is Guardians laxy, plot-hole-riddled, or bland? I'll give you cliche and generic (mainly because they are the exact same thing), but that's only because that was kind of the point behind the film. It wasn't trying to do something new, but do the old really well.

Have you seen TMNT or are you someone just trying to start the troll cycle again?

Ace Morologist:
Hm. Where was this outrage for the lazy, cliché, plot-hole-riddled, bland, generic Guardians of the Galaxy?

It's weird Mr. Chipman liked Guardians so much considering how much he seems to have positively hated this movie.

--Morology!

I think it may be, in part, to Guardians going about things in a "respectful" manner. It was more of a homage to movies of the genre, without having a pedigree of its own to "remain true to." Guardians is a pretty obscure title, so you almost have to "ape" other movies in order to get it to work on the big screen. TMNT doesn't have the excuse of it, or its source material, being "niche" or "obscure," and as a result having to "draw influence from elsewhere." This is just a terrible interpretation of TMNT. As Bob said, this didn't even have to be "TMNT." You could have thrown the Street Sharks, or the Biker Mice from Mars in there without changing a damn thing but the name, and still have the same movie.

Mcoffey:

Johnny Novgorod:

Charcharo:
But... you are biased... Bob...
That is normal though.

What's not normal is calling people who point this out "blithering idiots". I suppose Bob felt somehow threatened by that.

Every month or so I decide to give Bob another shot at movie reviewing. Am I being incredibly unlucky or is he really is this biased/intolerant?

I wouldn't call it intolerant when a person doesn't feel like coddling those who make sweeping generalizations and accusations just to satisfy their own bias. "He didn't like the movie I liked? Clearly I'm not the problem, he must be!"

Didn't he make the same exact argument in this clip? "People who say I'm something I don't feel like I am are blithering idiots?", completely disregarding any kind of argumentation?

Uriel_Hayabusa:
but from what I remember being Japanese has never been a big part of Shredder's character.

Oh, how wrong you are, being Japanese has been THE biggest thing about the Shredder and Splinter's master/owner/etc. when he was still just an everyday rat. The whole Shredder plot in the comics, first movie, and the cartoons has always come back to it being a big clan war more than anything. Comics, Splinter's master killed Shredder's older brother over a woman, which resulted in him dropping out of school(I forget the exact details, but this is basically what happens) and becoming a ninja to avenge his death. Movie, same thing happened, but Splinter ripped half his face off after killing his master, so he's got a score to settle with the rat. Cartoon, Splinter IS his master (in other incarnations) and Shredder doesn't much care for someone he screwed over still being alive.

His whole backstory is honestly very generic nowadays(though it's normally that of a protagonist), but him being Japanese and their somewhat fictional culture has been a driving force for him from the beginning. That's why fans were pissed off, he's a character that doesn't necessarily have to be Japanese to work, because we know there's a dozen other characters that are about the same, but if you're going to bring up The Shredder, it's probably best to keep him as a guy from that island country East of mainland Asia.

Redryhno:

Uriel_Hayabusa:
but from what I remember being Japanese has never been a big part of Shredder's character.

Oh, how wrong you are, being Japanese has been THE biggest thing about the Shredder and Splinter's master/owner/etc. when he was still just an everyday rat. The whole Shredder plot in the comics, first movie, and the cartoons has always come back to it being a big clan war more than anything. Comics, Splinter's master killed Shredder's older brother over a woman, which resulted in him dropping out of school(I forget the exact details, but this is basically what happens) and becoming a ninja to avenge his death. Movie, same thing happened, but Splinter ripped half his face off after killing his master, so he's got a score to settle with the rat. Cartoon, Splinter IS his master (in other incarnations) and Shredder doesn't much care for someone he screwed over still being alive.

His whole backstory is honestly very generic nowadays(though it's normally that of a protagonist), but him being Japanese and their somewhat fictional culture has been a driving force for him from the beginning. That's why fans were pissed off, he's a character that doesn't necessarily have to be Japanese to work, because we know there's a dozen other characters that are about the same, but if you're going to bring up The Shredder, it's probably best to keep him as a guy from that island country East of mainland Asia.

I see, I stand corrected. That's what I get for posting presumptuously.

Johnny Novgorod:

Mcoffey:

Johnny Novgorod:

What's not normal is calling people who point this out "blithering idiots". I suppose Bob felt somehow threatened by that.

Every month or so I decide to give Bob another shot at movie reviewing. Am I being incredibly unlucky or is he really is this biased/intolerant?

I wouldn't call it intolerant when a person doesn't feel like coddling those who make sweeping generalizations and accusations just to satisfy their own bias. "He didn't like the movie I liked? Clearly I'm not the problem, he must be!"

Didn't he make the same exact argument in this clip? "People who say I'm something I don't feel like I am are blithering idiots?", completely disregarding any kind of argumentation?

I think Bob would probably know better than random people on the internet if his perspective was overly influenced by his own preconceptions. He's given his reasons for not liking the Amazing Spider-Man films several times in the past. If people choose to ignore those and latch on to "bias" instead, I can completely understand not bothering to indulge them.

Ace Morologist:
Hm. Where was this outrage for the lazy, cliché, plot-hole-riddled, bland, generic Guardians of the Galaxy?

It's weird Mr. Chipman liked Guardians so much considering how much he seems to have positively hated this movie.

--Morology!

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/teenage_mutant_ninja_turtles_2013/ - 19%

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/guardians_of_the_galaxy/ - 92%

While I'm not saying Bob isn't biased, it's possible that GotG is a good movie while TMNT is a pile of steaming shit.

I love what you said about the designs. The identical (in shape and size), but color-coded designs of the animation made each character instantly recognizable on sight. In this movie though they are covered in so much shit and minutiae to make them different, that it's counter-productive and they all blend together (just like Jim Sterling's piece - "Batman is Everything Wrong with Square Enix" - exactly the same problem). Just like the Bayformers, it's just incoherent visual shit all over the screen assaulting the audience's eyes.

And Raph is STILL holding his sai WRONG! Holy-F)@*, NO-ONE that worked on this ever even took a karate class?! No-one knows how to use Youtube?

It's a movie for kids. And I've said it before - this is a movie FOR kids, specifically and NOT for everyone including kids. And yet it evidently has very uncomfortable, very adult subtext because Bay and his cronies can't channel their hormones like fully-developed and well-rounded human fucking beings.

Can someone please, for the of love what little good there might be in Hollywood, stop letting Michael Bay and any creator with whom he is connected make things with cameras?

KazeAizen:

Sosa Star:
I bent my pen when you were talking about their origin. WTF. Like seriously W.T.F. The kids do deserve a better movie and for mine, they'll be watching TMNT until they're old enough for the real Turtles.

Its kind of sad. In over 30 years, across 3 animated series, god knows how many comic books, and 3 live action movies each with its own style, tone, and take you'd think that they would be able to just cherry pick the stuff and make a kick ass movie. Like take the humor from the 80s cartoon, the brother dynamics and tone of the 03 cartoon with a tinge of the original Mirage books, updated character designs from the last live action franchise. Hell the fight choreography and style from the CGI TMNT movie (super underrated btw) as well. Such a shame.

So, basically you want the current IDW comic series? Because that's more or less what you've described.

Tarkand:

erttheking:

V TheSystem V:
This sounds awful, and I'm someone who only fleetingly watched the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TV show (in the days of Phil Avery's Shredder). I also liked the 2007 TMNT film, sue me.

It was a pretty fun movie to watch. It just could've benefited from being a little bit more focused and explaining things.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/teenage_mutant_ninja_turtles_2013/ - 19%

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/guardians_of_the_galaxy/ - 92%

While I'm not saying Bob isn't biased, it's possible that GotG is a good movie while TMNT is a pile of steaming shit.

Er, I think you may have quoted the wrong post there.

And I just watched the review again. So the Turtles only know ninjutsu because Splinter found a book about it, and thought it would be a good parenting guide?

...WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

Uriel_Hayabusa:
snip

What is wrong with you? You're supposed to reply by insulting my family members! Don't you know the rules of the internet?

marscentral:
Sadly I think everyone saw this coming. Unfortunately the "it's a kids movie so it's okay if it's crap" mentality has been way too prevalent in Hollywood for way too long. The nostalgia based franchises like Transformers and TMNT should be the best of films because they know they can appeal to kids and their parents and make a tonne of money from family viewing. Instead you have rubbish like this where the kid will walk out of the cinema and turn to his or her parents and ask, "You really liked this when you were my age?"

Agreed. 100%.

And I'm also agreeing that much with Bob. Making a movie for kids should NOT be an excuse to slack off. It should be the opposite. The original Turtles movie was fantastic. It was people in turtlesuits for crying out loud, and it was probably a billion times more relatable than the new film. The description of Michaelangelo made me want to cry. Thats what kids need to see. A turtle-horndog. Ech.

Ace Morologist:
Hm. Where was this outrage for the lazy, cliché, plot-hole-riddled, bland, generic Guardians of the Galaxy?

It's weird Mr. Chipman liked Guardians so much considering how much he seems to have positively hated this movie.

--Morology!

Er...I...what? Either this is a troll-post or you're talking about another movie.

A movie with a talking raccoon shooting guns and an animated tree is anything but bland and generic. Mr. Literal was also a barrel of laughs. The cast otherwise was also not in any way generic. No one was a typical hero, and there were tons of great writing, cool sci fi ideas (the spacecraft net for example, awesome) not to mention a stellar soundtrack and some very, very well designed shots.

The intro sequence with Starlord dancing into the ruins and the huge Guardians logo...brilliant, the scene in the prison with raccoon explaining his plans and Groot...doing stuff in the background, fantastic.

You might not have LIKED the movie, but in no way, shape or form was it a badly made film.

Dead Century:

KazeAizen:

Sosa Star:
I bent my pen when you were talking about their origin. WTF. Like seriously W.T.F. The kids do deserve a better movie and for mine, they'll be watching TMNT until they're old enough for the real Turtles.

Its kind of sad. In over 30 years, across 3 animated series, god knows how many comic books, and 3 live action movies each with its own style, tone, and take you'd think that they would be able to just cherry pick the stuff and make a kick ass movie. Like take the humor from the 80s cartoon, the brother dynamics and tone of the 03 cartoon with a tinge of the original Mirage books, updated character designs from the last live action franchise. Hell the fight choreography and style from the CGI TMNT movie (super underrated btw) as well. Such a shame.

So, basically you want the current IDW comic series? Because that's more or less what you've described.

lol really? I've never picked up a Turtle comic in my life. Just watched the old and 03 series and was aware of the original tone of the Mirage books. So then yeah. If that's the case yes let's just adapt the IDW version or whatever :)

Yeah, that last frame, what if Michel Bay picked up the "Goonies" reboot for a laugh... some how... I had high hope as well... kinda thinking it wasn't going to be so bad... oh well... I can always go for another round of Guardians of the Galaxy this weekend.... at lease there are still good movies out!~

I always like to expand "kids deserved better" to include "the public deserved better".
Great kids films are engrossing and entertaining enough to appeal to any age.

However, that's setting the bar high; too high for Hackywood. And why set the bar higher when leaving it on the ground can make megabucks?

From what Mr. Chipman described of the plot, it's the usual Hackywood slop. A stone-serious plot that seems intriguing as long as you don't actually think about it. (oh and surrounded by goofy antics, but that's Michael Bay for you)

And oh my the cosmic coincidences for April O'Neal. Normally when a Hackywood plot surrounds its main characters with extraordinary coincidental ties, it's planned redundancy to get more out of their existing actors/actresses, to avoid paying the SAG for more roles.

But here, I have a feeling based on the description, that Megan Fox wanted to be the absolute center of attention and THE star of the movie. I mean, damn near everything centers around April O'Neal. (which explains Fox's overly defensive unprofessional outburst this last week; TNMT is HER big movie, HER big chance to prove her worth to Hackywood beyond a walking softcore TNA display)

Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait... Shredder is a guy in a power suit? So, he's the god damn Iron Man? Hey guys, look how bad that series would've been without Robert Downey Jr.

KazeAizen:

Dead Century:

KazeAizen:

Its kind of sad. In over 30 years, across 3 animated series, god knows how many comic books, and 3 live action movies each with its own style, tone, and take you'd think that they would be able to just cherry pick the stuff and make a kick ass movie. Like take the humor from the 80s cartoon, the brother dynamics and tone of the 03 cartoon with a tinge of the original Mirage books, updated character designs from the last live action franchise. Hell the fight choreography and style from the CGI TMNT movie (super underrated btw) as well. Such a shame.

So, basically you want the current IDW comic series? Because that's more or less what you've described.

lol really? I've never picked up a Turtle comic in my life. Just watched the old and 03 series and was aware of the original tone of the Mirage books. So then yeah. If that's the case yes let's just adapt the IDW version or whatever :)

Hah. Yeah it's a blend of the entire franchise, including Hun of the Purple Dragons from the 2003 cartoon as Casey Jones' father, Krang (He's intensely scary in this one, instead of a joke), Bebop and Rocksteady, even Hot Rodding Teenagers (Neutrinos) from Dimension X get a cameo, along with a new Technodrome.

And there's plenty of new characters, like Hobbes, who is a mutated cat, that starts a street gang trying to kill Splinter.

Evonisia:
A reference to The Amazing Spider-Man 2 that isn't filled with horrific bile and a half hearted insult?

Only because he was too busy trying to parallel accusations of a grudge against this movie (preemptively) with accusations of a grudge against Not-Raimi Spider-Man.

Apparently, a pre-emptive shot at people who thought this was insanely harsh (especially for a guy who said he'd been trying to play nice) takes priority.

The downside is I now have to see this movie. Only because I have trouble believing anything could be this bad. This isn't a defense of Michael Bay (Who I dislike as a filmmaker/producer/anything that has him involved in entertainment) or the movie itself (which I fully expect does suck), just general disbelief. I literally cannot imagine a movie so horrible that it would border on a real-world "Springtime for Hitler" equivalent.

*sees video description*

It's WORSE than we thought it'd be?

Oh dis gun be good. *gets out popcorn*

*watches video*

*sighs and puts down the popcorn* Well that was kinda depressing.

Also, am I the only one who actually LIKED "the next mutation" TV show as a kid? I mean, it wasn't amazing, but it was still alright...I even liked the girl turtle quite a bit. XD

Zachary Amaranth:

Evonisia:
A reference to The Amazing Spider-Man 2 that isn't filled with horrific bile and a half hearted insult?

Only because he was too busy trying to parallel accusations of a grudge against this movie (preemptively) with accusations of a grudge against Not-Raimi Spider-Man.

I think I'll still take that over every unnecessary jab at The Amazing Spider-Man 2, The Amazing Spider-Man, Man of Steel and The Dark Knight Rises in the previous videos.

I watched the review twice and it occurs to me that the only possible explanation I can come up with for the whole "Douchebag Bro-Turtles" is that the writers were concentrating on the whole "teenaged" aspect. And that, I feel, is one of the most disturbing trends about modern screenwriting - they try to inject realism and believability and either botch it or make it clash with tone to the point where it's better to just not have it.

Also, I haven't seen either of the Amazing Spiderman films, but judging solely from how trailers for the first one and TMNT both include giant collapsing tower antennae, I was the least bit surprised to find out this copied the climax as well.

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