Zero Punctuation: Grand Theft Auto Online

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Grand Theft Auto Online

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Grand Theft Auto Online.

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I have not been so compelled to pull a "this!" to a Zero Punctuation video since... well Grand Theft Auto V, weirdly enough. Those God awful cutscenes are nightmarish and it's not like the challenges are all that enthralling.

I wonder if the PC/Current Gen version of GTA V has that glitch that lets you in to the snow village, as doing that glitch was literally the only joy I got out of GTA Online.

It's rare to see Yahtzee get so mad. I like it.

Bah, I can't get the video to work :( tried everything in the help.

So basically: GTA: Online could be renamed GTA: Twatfest.

thought so

I bought this on midnight release and I'm just now playing heist with friends.
If you're playing with random people you'll probably spend most of your time frustrated.

My main gripe is you only have 1 fucking and I have no idea who thought this would be a good idea. There's really no reason they couldn't make it so everyone has to die at least once for the heist to fail.

I really miss GTA IV's online free mode. The entire map is available and you just pick up weapons and have fun. No leveling up bullshit just explore and kill each other.

Vicioussama:
Bah, I can't get the video to work :( tried everything in the help.

Try right clicking on where the video should be and see if you get a menu with Play as an option.

Agreed. That's why I play invite only with friends I know. Random people multi-player is shit. Always.

Preeeeeetty much exactly what I expected, which is why I have and always will avoid the online mode for GTA. It just sounds like chaos, and maybe that's where some people thrive, but not I.

I could not stop laughing after the "voice chat" bit...

Other than that, that's a fucked up way of doing a leaderboard if it's really as bad as you're making it out to be...

gphjr14:
I bought this on midnight release and I'm just now playing heist with friends.
If you're playing with random people you'll probably spend most of your time frustrated.

My main gripe is you only have 1 fucking and I have no idea who thought this would be a good idea. There's really no reason they couldn't make it so everyone has to die at least once for the heist to fail.

I absolutely refuse to play GTA Online with randoms. Every single time I play, it's in closed friend sessions with friends only. And in those conditions, it's quite a blast. Doing heists and cooperative missions with people you can communicate effectively with and play efficiently with is the only way I'd choose to play this.

I do agree that incredibly annoying having only 1 life in those heists. Sure it's doable, but I think the game would have benefited a lot from a revive mechanic in cooperative situations, since a lot of the times the game pairs you up with someone else.

Yahtzee is right in general. If you go into the online mode by yourself with randoms, it's like diving head first into an ocean of piss.

Fuck always online up the ass having single player online defeats the purpose of single player that's why I keep my ps4 disconnected from the internet almost all the time as a gesture of defiance to publishers who like the idea of always online I perfer always offline for single player. Does anyone else do this?

gphjr14:
I really miss GTA IV's online free mode. The entire map is available and you just pick up weapons and have fun. No leveling up bullshit just explore and kill each other.

Not to mention that usually the only way to kill other players in IV was to blow them up. That would be a viable alternative to a complicated "violent twat fumigation" (which is necessary, because I - for one - get killed all the time despite my innocence). If one wants to kill another, they should have to spend a significant $1000 per rocket. That way, random players can actually get together and take advantage of the MMO aspect by killing cops over and over again.

*sigh* I guess I'll have to rely on Passive Mode when I just want to drive around without the risk of getting decimated in a second.

If "play online with the kind of people who play Grand Theft Auto" isn't a big enough turn off I don't know what is.

omg he said the igger word ....

:o

That end point is so true it's painful, and the reason I avoid multiplayer whenever I can. It's either play with friends or your childhood bullies.

ic0n67:

Vicioussama:
Bah, I can't get the video to work :( tried everything in the help.

Try right clicking on where the video should be and see if you get a menu with Play as an option.

Ah, seems to be good now. Thanks :P

Sounds like something that would be fun to play with friends though.

I decided to give it a try, having bought it for next gen and all, after going through the mandatory loooong intro, I got into a 2 v 2 deathmatch where someone had music blasting and the rest sounded like they hadn't hit puberty yet. My team won (no credit to myself, the other dude got most of the kills), listened to some profanities and went free roaming on what I assume was my car to the clothing shop. My car exploded. I respawned and walked determined to buy some new clothes. After dying for the third time, I decided multiplayer wasn't for me.

Can't say what they see in it, because a lot of people play it and even spend real money on it, but I never got a chance to get into it. From this review I see I wasn't missing much.

It's frustrating for anyone to play it if they can't communicate with their teammates. My brother played a prison break one, and the last bit had him, his team, and the "package" in a plane flying VERY long towards a spot on the beach, and he kept yelling at the screen for the pilot to stop sucking at what they're doing.

iller3:
omg he said the igger word ....

:o

Joking aside, I remember the last time he made reference to people dropping racial slurs in online chat - it was represented by "Those uppity negros do tend towards the loutish bent, eh what" "By jingo yes", which at the time seemed funny as hell. But I guess that's the kind of joke that's hard to come up with equally-funny variations on.

Christ GTA Online is a fucking nightmare. The Prison Heist still gives me nightmares. Who the fuck thought one person dying and the whole mission restarting was a good fucking idea?

Actually the first person mode isn't new, it was first introduced in the PS4 and XBone versions. The new feature in the PC version is that if you press 'B' you can point to things!!! You can even do an impromptu high-five by touching tips.

EndlessSporadic:
It's rare to see Yahtzee get so mad. I like it.

You should see his review for Halo Wars then (there's a brief moment where someone else starts reviews a different game as part of a crossover but then it gets to Yahtzee).

Y'know, the Xbox 360 and PS3 community for GTA seems pretty balanced. Half the time you are making friends with random players hoping they don't utterly destroy you, the other half you spend getting utterly destroyed because you hoped that this player in particular, may in fact be friendly.

Not a fucking chance. On the PC version, everyone is trying to have quick draw rocket launcher contests all over the map and actually finding a sane person in the cesspool of racism and hatred is like trying to find a copy of fire emblem awakening when it first came out...(Yeah not funny)

I figured that GTA Online would attract the same crowd that plays Call of Duty solely for the multiplayer. The more I look, it still holds true that the only online game that has relaxed people playing it is Guild Wars, largely because only 50 some people are in the game at any given point...

What's with Yahtzee and the Sultan of Brunei?

Hutzpah Chicken:
I figured that GTA Online would attract the same crowd that plays Call of Duty solely for the multiplayer. The more I look, it still holds true that the only online game that has relaxed people playing it is Guild Wars, largely because only 50 some people are in the game at any given point...

I've met a LOT MORE metacunts in GW1, as compared to GW2. The community in 2 generally holds up well though. Except the hatred that runs for other servers, mostly because of WvW.

Heists are not missions.
Missions are not heists.

You can easily make $400k opening the phone and selecting Quick Job... Contact Mission in a few hours, and they don't fail when somebody dies.

and that last bit at the end is why I avoid PvP multiplayer in games like the plague, to many twats waving around there score or K/D ratio like a penis.

I love the first person view. It's a really immersive, hardcore fps. Now, if only the game would let me do solo missions I could play it.

This is the most accurate GTAO review I've seen, funnily enough. Especially the bit about the fucking loading screens.

RiseOfTheWhiteWolf:
This is the most accurate GTAO review I've seen, funnily enough. Especially the bit about the fucking loading screens.

And his perfect description of the prison break heist. Random asshole clips wing, sucks for you!

Johnny Novgorod:
Sounds like something that would be fun to play with friends though.

It is awesome with friends. But that's the catch. You need a reliable crew that's online when you are. Otherwise you may as well play the single player.

I do agree that statistics in multiplayer games attracts Twats/Twattish behaviour in non Twats.

The question we all need to ask is, why?

We play games to unwind/think/creativity/change of activity.
Why do we care that we're slightly better at the game than another person? Why do anyone else care? This has little worth.

It only matters if you seriously consider becoming a professional player. If you do, I wish you well because that seems a very competitive career (lol I made a joke) because being paid to play a game you like to play appeals to many.

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