8 Ridiculous Rules From the New Warhammer Age of Sigmar

 Pages 1 2 NEXT
 

8 Ridiculous Rules From the New Warhammer Age of Sigmar

Warhammer has got a full-on reboot going, and some of this stuff is just completely absurd.

Read Full Article

Even discounting the jokes, it's a fairly broken ruleset, even by GW's low standards.

Being an old, old warhammer nerd who can remember when the toughness stat was displayed as a letter instead of a number, I've seen warhammer go through a lot of changes.
Some good, some bad, some horrible.
I haven't had time to play for a long time and by extension no where near enough time to paint and prepare an army for battle, so the shift in scale did interest me, even if being totally honest I knew it was purely out of curiosity rather than a genuine intent to pick up the game again.

You see, while the game lost me as a player a long time ago, the lore never did.
I'd still buy books.
Occasionally even rule books, just to see what directions the game had gone in.
As such, the changes have little impact on me as a customer and a fan.
I still throw money at them for books, art novel and rule, and probably will do so at the same rate until they stop making them.

Though, I will admit my friends and I have taken to calling it "Age of Smegmar" instead.
Why?
Because it conveys the degree of unpleasant cheesiness your looking forward to during a game.

So... Age of Unglued...? Ungluedhammer?

That's what 7 out of 8 rules shout at me... All rule 7 is missing is the requirements of some Warhammer-related Tremors series references (movies or tv show) being required for the effect. Naught worse than the BFG, I imagine. A 99/99 with trample is absurdly broken against nothing less than a Phantom Tiger or some such.

Man. Now I don't feel so bad about selling all but my most cherished minis a few years ago.

From what I've seen at my local GW, its a mess. No point values, no force charts, and flat dice rolls. As in your unit of dudes hit on a 4+ and wound on a 3+, regardless of what they're fighting.
The manager said that basically the only real rules are gonna be house rules and in-game ones that require you, the PLAYER, to do something. Like you get Dwarf bonuses if the PLAYER has a beard. Or the Elves player has to keep a straight face during a knock-knock joke so he can reroll something. Dark Elves have to talk to their models in a whispery voice.
Skaven have a rule that if you roll a 13 on 2D6, you win the game. YES! That's an actual rule!

Its such a joke, I think this is GW's fantasy swan song. This is how they chose to end Fantasy once and for all! By MST3King the shit out of it!

Mikeybb:
Being an old, old warhammer nerd who can remember when the toughness stat was displayed as a letter instead of a number, I've seen warhammer go through a lot of changes.
Some good, some bad, some horrible.
I haven't had time to play for a long time and by extension no where near enough time to paint and prepare an army for battle, so the shift in scale did interest me, even if being totally honest I knew it was purely out of curiosity rather than a genuine intent to pick up the game again.

You see, while the game lost me as a player a long time ago, the lore never did.
I'd still buy books.
Occasionally even rule books, just to see what directions the game had gone in.
As such, the changes have little impact on me as a customer and a fan.
I still throw money at them for books, art novel and rule, and probably will do so at the same rate until they stop making them.

Though, I will admit my friends and I have taken to calling it "Age of Smegmar" instead.
Why?
Because it conveys the degree of unpleasant cheesiness your looking forward to during a game.

You do know that the fluff is getting changed up as well, right? The AoS fluff is just freaking awful (if I read the word "storm" or "gore" again I'll hit someone) and the 9th edition stuff, while supposedly scaled back, is still going to have to deal with the fallout of the End Times and sending my beloved Lizardmen to the moon.

I'm also much more of a fan of the universe and the novels than I am of the game itself, but unless Black Library declares independence and keeps up the old fluff I'm just going to have to stick to the old Gotrek & Felix.

OT: These rules are like someone's house rules, the kind written by an old grognard who laughs at any joke that includes a reference to Harry the Hammer. It's silly nonsense that doesn't really hurt, but it's really the kind of thing I'd expect to see in a Standard Bearer column of White Dwarf.

Looking forward to seeing a full review of Age of Sigmar, and hopefully 9th, here on the Escapist. I can't wait to see what you guys do with the "models have no point cost, you just put out equal numbers no matter the abilities" rule. Heck, bring back the podcast for a special episode and ream it out.

On a side note, the formatting of the quotes of the rules is off; it's presented like it was copied directly from the rulebook and no one corrected the columns.

My local GW had the good luck for launch day to be the store birthday, so they could also pack in a lot of none AoS events like a Mad Max themed 40k scenario, an auction of stuff sold for Imperial Credits (earned by spending money in store in preceding months.), and cake.

What? Wait, what? Okay, what did they spike the water with over at GW HQ?

Some of these are rather cute. If any game could use some lighten-up, it'd be Warhammer.

Of course, on a whole, this whole venture looks bloody awful. I'm not entirely unconvinced this isn't an attempt to wrap up Warhammer Fantasy, bin it and concentrate on that spacehammer everyone seems to like so much more.

Thunderous Cacophony:

...and sending my beloved Lizardmen to the moon.

What?!

Noooo! Please, come home! All is forgiven!

I think I get where they are coming from, as far as pure execution of mechanics they likely think they cannot compete with video games with a tabletop war game. So they decide to play up the unique part of actually being in the same room as you opponent by making you do wacky stuff. They just happened to forget that just being in the same room as people and having a fun game to play is good enough reason on its own to play something analog instead of digital; and when you bother to do it you may as well play a game with solid mechanics.

I... this... This is just absurd on a million levels. Fuck this shit, My Dark Elves are only playing using proper rules and if someone wants me to use these awful rules I will laugh in their face then proceed to ignore that they exist during the course of the game.

Just... My god removing force org charts from 40k and replacing them with those detatchments and units of units was bad enough but this is just like they let Matt Ward at a keyboard while he was on LSD and decided that the result "WASN'T ZANY ENOUGH!"

I'm just done with Fantasy now. Fuck you GeeDubs. You had something really neat going with your End Times set ups but this is just AWFUL on a million levels.

And now I go to /tg/ to see their reaction to this travesty.

I came up with a few more!

Wrath of the Sands (Tomb Kings)

If you have fielded High Queen Khalida, you may, during the magic phase, dump a bucket of sand (if brought along) on the opposing player's models. Used cat litter may be used instead of sand, which will add the "Poisoned" effect to all models in base contact with the litter.

Hammer of Sigmar (Empire)

If the Empire player has dressed up as Sigmar for the occasion, they may smash the game table with a hammer once per magic phase. Any models knocked over are considered casualties, including models caught under the hammer.

The Darkened Woods (Beasts of Chaos)

If available, the Beastmen player may feed the eliminated opposing player's models to their goat.

Horns and Claws (Beasts of Chaos)

If the Beastmen player is suitably dressed up for the occasion, they may headbutt the opposing player after each resolved mêlée phase.

Dwarven Life and Livery (Dwarfs)

A Dwarven player must drink one shot of an alcoholic beverage for every dice rolled, model moved, test taken and whenever the opposing player calls them a wee sissy that cannae hold their drink.

If the Dwarven player vomits on the table, all models in base contact with the vomit are considered eliminated.

If the Dwarven player starts a fight and break the terrain over the opposing player's head, they win the battle.

This is damn fun.

Captcha: get out.

Oh, captcha, you're a right bore you are!

SteinarB:
What? Wait, what? Okay, what did they spike the water with over at GW HQ?

They were using Muspelheim's Life and Livery rules.

Muspelheim:

Thunderous Cacophony:

...and sending my beloved Lizardmen to the moon.

What?!

Noooo! Please, come home! All is forgiven!

I'm sorry, it's too late; rain of meteors destroyed Lustria, most of the Lizardmen died (including most of the Slaan) and the rest pulled an Ancient Aliens and flew away in their ziggurats. The End Times did a lot of stupid things, but that was probably the worst (even beating Settra getting smashed in Inter-Skellington Combat).

Muspelheim:
quote

Those are great. Here's another:
Fey Step (Wood Elves)
During the movement phase, a Wood Elf player may throw one (and only one) handful of leaves over the board to blind their opponent. While the opponent is blinded, they may move every model they can grab up to 6 inches in a random direction until the opposing general calls "no takebacks".

Are these serious rules? I thought they were bad jokes (no offense).

If they are cutting the rules, the least they could do is cut the prices on their minis.

After giving the rules a read, the game itself seems playable enough(outside of the IRL nonsense, I'd houserule all of that stuff as auto-happening in a heartbeat. Besides, since when has an Orc player needed INCENTIVE to yell WAAAAAAAAUGH!!! ?); I appreciate anything that makes a GW game take less than a whole afternoon to play. It's the army building that's going to be an issue, at least initially. Seeing as it stands at "we couldn't be arsed to balance this game, so you guys do it". I'm quite certain you'd have something balanced if good points values could be added to everything, and I'm sure some dedicated section of the player base will eventually do that. And, by virtue of it all being on a fan-made wiki or something, it can be updated constantly for balance without justifiable fan outcry. Basically, Smogon for the Warhammer community. Of course, we'd somehow need to get everyone to agree on a third party source, and that seems... less than likely. Still, if the 8th edition rules are readily available we'd at least have a jumping off point, but what are the odds that GW will make a product, (even an outmoded one) open source?

Muspelheim:
I came up with a few more!

Wrath of the Sands (Tomb Kings)

If you have fielded High Queen Khalida, you may, during the magic phase, dump a bucket of sand (if brought along) on the opposing player's models. Used cat litter may be used instead of sand, which will add the "Poisoned" effect to all models in base contact with the litter.

Hammer of Sigmar (Empire)

If the Empire player has dressed up as Sigmar for the occasion, they may smash the game table with a hammer once per magic phase. Any models knocked over are considered casualties, including models caught under the hammer.

The Darkened Woods (Beasts of Chaos)

If available, the Beastmen player may feed the eliminated opposing player's models to their goat.

Horns and Claws (Beasts of Chaos)

If the Beastmen player is suitably dressed up for the occasion, they may headbutt the opposing player after each resolved mêlée phase.

Dwarven Life and Livery (Dwarfs)

A Dwarven player must drink one shot of an alcoholic beverage for every dice rolled, model moved, test taken and whenever the opposing player calls them a wee sissy that cannae hold their drink.

If the Dwarven player vomits on the table, all models in base contact with the vomit are considered eliminated.

If the Dwarven player starts a fight and break the terrain over the opposing player's head, they win the battle.

This is damn fun.

Captcha: get out.

Oh, captcha, you're a right bore you are!

Are... Are these rules meant for drunken frat parties? Because I don't think anyone plays WH at drunken frat parties...

Also... Is it just me, or about half of these are about breaking/defiling/making the miniatures unusable? Is this some kind of stealth ploy by GW so increase their sales by making players destroy each other's figurines?

Thunderous Cacophony:

Mikeybb:
Being an old, old warhammer nerd who can remember when the toughness stat was displayed as a letter instead of a number, I've seen warhammer go through a lot of changes.
Some good, some bad, some horrible.
I haven't had time to play for a long time and by extension no where near enough time to paint and prepare an army for battle, so the shift in scale did interest me, even if being totally honest I knew it was purely out of curiosity rather than a genuine intent to pick up the game again.

You see, while the game lost me as a player a long time ago, the lore never did.
I'd still buy books.
Occasionally even rule books, just to see what directions the game had gone in.
As such, the changes have little impact on me as a customer and a fan.
I still throw money at them for books, art novel and rule, and probably will do so at the same rate until they stop making them.

Though, I will admit my friends and I have taken to calling it "Age of Smegmar" instead.
Why?
Because it conveys the degree of unpleasant cheesiness your looking forward to during a game.

You do know that the fluff is getting changed up as well, right? The AoS fluff is just freaking awful (if I read the word "storm" or "gore" again I'll hit someone) and the 9th edition stuff, while supposedly scaled back, is still going to have to deal with the fallout of the End Times and sending my beloved Lizardmen to the moon.

I'm also much more of a fan of the universe and the novels than I am of the game itself, but unless Black Library declares independence and keeps up the old fluff I'm just going to have to stick to the old Gotrek & Felix.

OT: These rules are like someone's house rules, the kind written by an old grognard who laughs at any joke that includes a reference to Harry the Hammer. It's silly nonsense that doesn't really hurt, but it's really the kind of thing I'd expect to see in a Standard Bearer column of White Dwarf.

Looking forward to seeing a full review of Age of Sigmar, and hopefully 9th, here on the Escapist. I can't wait to see what you guys do with the "models have no point cost, you just put out equal numbers no matter the abilities" rule. Heck, bring back the podcast for a special episode and ream it out.

On a side note, the formatting of the quotes of the rules is off; it's presented like it was copied directly from the rulebook and no one corrected the columns.

Still think the worst name I've heard is Blooodstroker. Like...really? Bloodstroker? I shudder to think what they'll come up with for Slaanesh if KHORNE got BLOODSTROKER!.

OT: This game is an absolute mess. All games result in a giant pile in by turn one and the game encourages you to bring as many special characters as possible simply because of how broken they are. It's just simply terrible.

In other random news, Kings of War is a mass fantasy wargame that allows you to use certain models from other companies to play their game.

I don't play Tabletop, so note this is from ignorance.

These rules, while funny and wacky, should not belong in an official ruleset. Something like this should be in a secondary rulebook. One filled with just stupid shit. I'm sure if I walked into friday night magic with a unglued deck, I'd be kicked out.

Last year I was thinking about either getting back into WH:FB or start playing Flames of War instead. I decided to go with Flames of War, mostly because it i much, much cheaper. I am now certain I made the right decision.

GabeZhul:

Muspelheim:
I came up with a few more!

Wrath of the Sands (Tomb Kings)

If you have fielded High Queen Khalida, you may, during the magic phase, dump a bucket of sand (if brought along) on the opposing player's models. Used cat litter may be used instead of sand, which will add the "Poisoned" effect to all models in base contact with the litter.

Hammer of Sigmar (Empire)

If the Empire player has dressed up as Sigmar for the occasion, they may smash the game table with a hammer once per magic phase. Any models knocked over are considered casualties, including models caught under the hammer.

The Darkened Woods (Beasts of Chaos)

If available, the Beastmen player may feed the eliminated opposing player's models to their goat.

Horns and Claws (Beasts of Chaos)

If the Beastmen player is suitably dressed up for the occasion, they may headbutt the opposing player after each resolved mêlée phase.

Dwarven Life and Livery (Dwarfs)

A Dwarven player must drink one shot of an alcoholic beverage for every dice rolled, model moved, test taken and whenever the opposing player calls them a wee sissy that cannae hold their drink.

If the Dwarven player vomits on the table, all models in base contact with the vomit are considered eliminated.

If the Dwarven player starts a fight and break the terrain over the opposing player's head, they win the battle.

This is damn fun.

Captcha: get out.

Oh, captcha, you're a right bore you are!

Are... Are these rules meant for drunken frat parties? Because I don't think anyone plays WH at drunken frat parties...

Also... Is it just me, or about half of these are about breaking/defiling/making the miniatures unusable? Is this some kind of stealth ploy by GW so increase their sales by making players destroy each other's figurines?

No, they're piss take rules Muspelheim made up. These aren't actual AoS rules.

ccggenius12:
After giving the rules a read, the game itself seems playable enough

Provided you ban summoning spam, change measurements back to base-to-base, change the messed up cover mechanics which mean that models on top of walls get saves while those behind them don't, and change the fact that you could bring nothing but single model units of normal infantry to stop them having to take morale checks.

09philj:

ccggenius12:
After giving the rules a read, the game itself seems playable enough

Provided you ban summoning spam, change measurements back to base-to-base, change the messed up cover mechanics which mean that models on top of walls get saves while those behind them don't, and change the fact that you could bring nothing but single model units of normal infantry to stop them having to take morale checks.

Not to mention you can shoot into combat and shoot and melee whilst in combat, make the sudden death choices an actually challenge, able to take multiples of named characters, not have it actually state "You can continue setting up units until you have set of all the units you want to fight in this battle, or run out of space. This is your army."

By the end of changing all that, you'd have rewritten the whole 'rule' set.

Supposedly this new ruleset is a living rulebook, so it might improve as they update it.

Optimistic, i know.

Also, this is mandatory;

Boooo! Booooo! 3rd edition until death! DEEEEEEEEEEAAAATTHH!!!!!!

Thunderous Cacophony:

I'm sorry, it's too late; rain of meteors destroyed Lustria, most of the Lizardmen died (including most of the Slaan) and the rest pulled an Ancient Aliens and flew away in their ziggurats. The End Times did a lot of stupid things, but that was probably the worst (even beating Settra getting smashed in Inter-Skellington Combat).

What? What? Never in all the days of Ward... I'm guessing Lustria and whatever the fuck those Egyptian themed skellingtons are called aren't the only ones messed about.

And to think I was pissed off when half of Stirland suddenly became Sylvania. Pity really, I stopped caring about 40K fluff years ago, it's difficult to ruin an incoherent, contradictory mess, but the Warhammer world was still pretty sweet, even post Storm of Chaos Bullshit, Black Industries managed to make it an entertaining place to play WHFRP, even though I tend to go for the setting of 1 and mechanics of 2.

...ok...just skimmed very briefly over 1D4chan's pages for the End Times and the Age of Sigmar. I think I'm going to sit in a corner for a while, hugging my 3rd ed rulebook and crying.

I don't get it. I was never into Fantasy as much as 40K, but as far as I can tell it effectively no longer exists at all. This is an entirely different game that happens to re-use the word "Warhammer" simply because they couldn't be bothered to come up with a new name.

Muspelheim:
If any game could use some lighten-up, it'd be Warhammer.

No, not really. 40K is the one that's all grimdark all the time (with some exceptions for Orks), Fantasy has always had plenty of colour and humour mixed in. In any case, the way to lighten things up would be to do so in the actual game. In fact they've made the world significantly more grimdark, and making players prance around like idiots just so that their armies can actually work isn't going to help with that.

Warhammer: Quelf Edition.

I seriously don't get this. I've only played 40k (6thE) but I don't get the idea that for a game to be fun it has to be nonfunctional. If you play with cool people, games can be very competitive and still a blast. I like the humor that's already in Warhammer and 40k fluff. But this is insane.

Devil's advocate here: I've played the game, and (shock!) it's actually very fun. The streamlined rules play very quick and easy, but the individual units have enough variety in them that there's still room for strategy (for those saying otherwise, the game is still very new and very different, which means no metagame for it has arisen yet). The silly rules exist, but they're rarer than you might think (well over 90% of the units don't have them), and can be completely optional. The game as it is now is deliberately designed for shorter, casual play, and it succeeds in that.

And that "as it is now" is important. GW has made it clear that this is meant as more of an intro to the new system than anything else. The (non-existent) balancing and army-building rules, for example, are definitely a big problem. I won't try to argue that. Right now it comes down to each individual group of players to balance it out for themselves, which will work for some, but not others. But according to GW - or at least their rep at the Forgeworld Openday - there will be full rules for balancing army lists coming later, and like the other rules, will be completely free (can we at least acknowledge they're doing this much right?).

I'm not here to say the system is perfect or that I won't miss parts of the older editions, but it works better on the table than a lot of people, many of whom I suspect haven't played it yet, are saying it does. My suggestion, play a small game yourself (again, the rules are free) and decide then.

008Zulu:
Are these serious rules? I thought they were bad jokes (no offense).

So did I. I thought this had to be a terrible idea at humour, so I went to the GW website, looked at the empire PDF and the one about riding the invisible horse is actually in there.

I mean, yeah, GW has been pretty dire for a while, but they keep coming up with some new way of sucking.

Kahani:
No, not really. 40K is the one that's all grimdark all the time (with some exceptions for Orks), Fantasy has always had plenty of colour and humour mixed in. In any case, the way to lighten things up would be to do so in the actual game. In fact they've made the world significantly more grimdark, and making players prance around like idiots just so that their armies can actually work isn't going to help with that.

40k used to be Grimdark in 80/90's dark British comedy ways, though.

The one thing I'm looking forward to though is in a year or two, someone basically having learned the checklist of stupid actions in his head that he needs to do to make his army fully op, and he begrudginly goes through the motions each time. No enthusiasm or excitement in any of it.

Damn it, Matt Ward! I wish you were still with Games Workshop so I could laugh at you being blamed for this!

I don't play Warhammer of any kind, I just laugh at how stupidly grimdark the setting is.

The Great JT:
Damn it, Matt Ward! I wish you were still with Games Workshop so I could laugh at you being blamed for this!

I don't play Warhammer of any kind, I just laugh at how stupidly grimdark the setting is.

I know... Matt Ward isn't around to blame for the absolute retardation that is the Age of Sigmar ruleset. The broken special rules, the lack of points costs, and the blandness of the reduced stats. It's just lame and we no longer have the eternal scapegoat Matt Ward to blame. GW are just complete idiots.

The Material Sheep:

The Great JT:
Damn it, Matt Ward! I wish you were still with Games Workshop so I could laugh at you being blamed for this!

I don't play Warhammer of any kind, I just laugh at how stupidly grimdark the setting is.

I know... Matt Ward isn't around to blame for the absolute retardation that is the Age of Sigmar ruleset. The broken special rules, the lack of points costs, and the blandness of the reduced stats. It's just lame and we no longer have the eternal scapegoat Matt Ward to blame. GW are just complete idiots.

Personally, I blame the Cruddace making rules for a game that doesn't have tanks and hating it as he does so. Thast or someone replaced the water cooler water in their offices with the leftover bong water.

I actually don't mind these joke-y rules too much. They're meant to bring some good fun to the table. I mean, fantasy (and 40K) are and should be beer-and-pretzels games before anything else. I mean, it's only a single O&G book ago that you could only use the WHAAGH skill if you actually bellowed it at the top of your lungs.

What does annoy me is that that the reduced stats mean that every model is pretty much like every other model. I mean, nothing has a to hit/wound roll worse than 5 or better than 3, which means that the good models became worse, and the worst models became better. It all feels too samey to me at the moment.

Kahani:
I don't get it. I was never into Fantasy as much as 40K, but as far as I can tell it effectively no longer exists at all. This is an entirely different game that happens to re-use the word "Warhammer" simply because they couldn't be bothered to come up with a new name.

How so? I mean, this is kind of similar to the older editions of WHFB, where the focus wasn't as much on huge armies but more on smaller warbands. And even if you disagree with that: it also has a lot of Warhammer: Mordheim thrown in.

No, not really. 40K is the one that's all grimdark all the time (with some exceptions for Orks), Fantasy has always had plenty of colour and humour mixed in. In any case, the way to lighten things up would be to do so in the actual game. In fact they've made the world significantly more grimdark, and making players prance around like idiots just so that their armies can actually work isn't going to help with that.

I think you're missing the point of the settings. 40K is all Grimmdark all the time in an over the top parody. WHFB is colourful, yes. However, the setting itself is grimdark in a much more insidious way. The main game doesn't make that completely clear, but the RPGs in the setting do.

 Pages 1 2 NEXT

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Register for a free account here